Benediction (Plainsong #3)(72)

Has she been out late like this before? Lyle said.

Never. She never does this. Oh, what if something happened to my little girl. Berta May began to cry. Her chin quivered and she covered her face. Mary and Lorraine put their arms close around her.

What about her friends? Lyle said.

The old woman looked at him and dabbed at her eyes with a Kleenex. I called, she said, but they don’t know no more than I do. She don’t really have friends here anyway. We was waiting for school to start.

What about the police? Willa said.

I don’t want to call the police. This isn’t a police matter.

I could search around town, Lyle said. If you’d like me to do that.

If you could, maybe you’d see her somewhere. She might be playing with somebody that I don’t know about.

Is there a part of town she liked to ride in especially?

That’s it—I don’t know. I never paid enough attention. She always come back in the house to check in.

I’ll look, Lyle said. You don’t think she went out past the highway or rode over on the other side of Main Street.

I don’t think so. But I don’t know now. Oh where’s my girl? She began to cry again.

I’ll start looking, Lyle said.

I’m coming with you, Lorraine said.

The two of them hurried out to Lyle’s car and he drove along the quiet twilight street past the cars parked in front of the houses and onto the highway and back in the next street, and then up and down the alley, looking in the backyards. The light was fading out of the sky and at the street corners the streetlights were coming on.

I’m starting to get sick at heart about this, Lorraine said. What if something has happened? Oh God, I hope it hasn’t.

We can’t think that, Lyle said.

But what if it has? It brings up all the old feelings for me. My daughter died in a car accident. Did you know that?

Your mother told me.

I’ve never gotten over it. I never will. You never get over a child’s death. She turned away. Lyle reached across the seat and took her hand. Now it’s Alice, she said, this little girl. I’ve let myself care too much for her. I know I shouldn’t have; it’s just starting things over again. That’s the awful truth. That’s how I feel about it. But I’d take her in, in a minute, if she didn’t have her grandma. Oh, what if something’s happened to her too.

She stared out the window. Lyle held on to her hand. They crossed Main Street to the streets on the east side.

The boy that was driving the car, Lorraine said, that boy is thirty-three years old now. He’s become a grown man and my daughter’s life ended at sixteen. Now if something like that has happened here …

They drove across town and went bumping and rattling over the train tracks at the crossing and on to the north side, looking between the small houses and the turquoise trailer houses and the cars rusting in the weeds and the backyards.

My son is in trouble too, Lyle said. I won’t tell you all of it. I won’t say what he wouldn’t want me to say, but he’s in serious trouble. I’m really worried about him. He’s gone to Denver to live with his mother.

Will he be better there?

I doubt it. What’s wrong with him isn’t about geography.

Is this trouble he’s having, about you and him?

Some of it is.

They came back across the tracks. More cars were out in the evening now. High school kids driving up and down Main Street, honking at one another under the bright lights. Lyle and Lorraine turned off Main and drove along the railroad tracks to the town park. At the Holt swimming pool they stopped the car and hurried into the entrance. They could hear kids screaming and splashing. At the front counter there were two high school girls selling tickets, with the wire baskets of clothes stacked in ranks behind them.

They quickly explained to the girls who they were looking for.

No, we haven’t seen her, one of the girls said.

No, we’ve been here since four, the other girl said.

Just send her home, Lorraine said, if she shows up. You know her, don’t you?

Yes.

They went back to the car. Let’s go back, Lorraine said. She might have come back.

When they drove into the street at the edge of town, they saw that all the lights in Berta May’s house were turned on. All the windows were filled up with light.

The four women were standing out in front of the house. Lyle and Lorraine got out and came over to them.

You never found her, Berta May said.

No, Lyle said. But we haven’t given up. We’ll keep looking.

Oh, where is she? I got all the lights on so she can see the house and come home.

We should call the police now, Willa said.

No. I can’t do that. Not yet.

But they could look for her in ways we can’t.

I don’t want them. I will pretty soon if I have to.… I will pretty soon.

She looked around. They were watching her.

I should go back inside. I’m not doing no good out here.

Don’t go, Mary said. Stay here with us.

I’m going all to pieces. You can see I am.

We all feel that way, dear.

Wait! Alene said. She was looking up the street. Someone’s coming.

Somebody was out in the gravel street, coming toward them three or four blocks away. A small figure.