Beautiful World, Where Are You(46)

speaking. He closed his eyes and let his head tip back against the upper part of the sofa.

Christ I’m tired, he said. If I drink that now I probably shouldn’t drive. She went on scrolling and said: You can stay the night here if you like. He said nothing. The screen displayed a list of category titles like ‘Critically Acclaimed Emotional Movies’, ‘Dark Suspenseful Movies’, ‘Dramas Adapted from Books’. A dead branch cracked in the fireplace and sent out a shower of sparks, hissing. Alice looked around at Felix, who was sitting very still with his eyes closed. She watched him for a few seconds, and then closed her laptop. He didn’t stir. For some time she sat cross-legged on the couch, watching the play of flames in the grate, finishing her glass of wine, and then she left the room, turning out the ceiling light.

Two and a half hours later, seated in the same position, Felix woke up. The room was dark except for the remains of the fire. Running water was audible from somewhere inside the house. He sat up straight, wiped his mouth and took his phone out of his pocket. It was almost eleven at night, and he had received a single new message.

Damian: Cop on to yourself Felix. Where are you now that you can’t ring me?

Felix began composing a response, typing How is it and then deleting How and typing Is it your, and then he stopped. For a time he sat staring into the low burning embers in the grate, which cast a deep burnished glow over his face and clothes. Eventually he rose from the couch and left the room. The hallway outside was bright and he stood at the staircase with his brow knitted, as if letting his eyes adjust. In the kitchen, Alice was laughing, and saying aloud: Oh, I wouldn’t let a little detail like that bother me. He walked down the hall and stopped in the open doorway. Inside, Alice was looking in the

fridge, her back turned to him. The light of the fridge formed a white rectangular frame around her body. She was holding her phone to her ear with one hand and propping the door of the fridge open with the other. Perhaps unconsciously imitating her gesture, Felix placed his right hand on the jamb of the kitchen doorway, watching her, saying nothing. She continued laughing. Send pictures, will you? she said. She let the fridge door swing shut and walked over to the sink. In front of her, the black kitchen window reflected the lighted interior of the room. Glancing up then, she caught sight of Felix standing behind her. Without surprise, she said into the phone: I’m going to hang up on you now because someone’s just come in, but I’ll see you next week, won’t I? Felix stood there, no longer watching her but staring down at the floor. I like to keep you guessing, Alice said into the phone. Talk to you soon, goodnight. She left her phone down on the countertop and turned to face Felix. Without looking up, he cleared his throat and said: Sorry about that. I’ve been working weird hours, obviously I was more tired than I thought. She told him not to worry about it. He moved his jaw a little, nodding. She faced him a moment longer and then, when he still did not look at her, she turned away, wrapping up a loaf of bread.

Did you have a long day at work? she asked.

As if straining to sound amused, he replied: They all feel long in that place.

Now that her back was turned, he had started to watch her again. She emptied some crusts of bread from a small white plate into the pedal bin.

Who was that on the phone? he asked.

Oh, just a friend of mine.

Your friend Eileen?

No, she said. It’s funny, Eileen and I never talk on the phone. No, it was a friend of mine called Daniel, I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before. He lives in London, he’s a writer.

Felix went on nodding to himself. I’d say you have a lot of writer friends, do you? he asked.

A few.

He lingered in the doorway, rubbing his left eyelid roughly with his fingertips. Alice took a cloth from the sink and wiped down the surface of the kitchen table.

Sorry I never texted you back during the week there, he said.

It’s alright, don’t worry about it.

I had a good time with you in Italy, I feel bad if you thought I didn’t.

That’s okay, she said. I had a good time too.

He swallowed and put his hand back down into his pocket. Can I stay the night here? he asked. I think I’m actually too out of it to drive home. I can sleep on the couch if you want.

Putting the cloth back in the sink, she said she would make up one of the beds. He looked down at the floor. She came to stand in front of him, and said in a kindly tone of voice: Felix, are you okay? He gave a half-smile. Yeah, I’m sound, he said. Just tired.

Finally he met her eyes and said: You don’t want to sleep together, do you? It’s alright

if you’ve gone off the idea, I know I was a bit of a prick about it. She looked back at him, her eyes moving over his face. I did feel foolish when I didn’t hear from you, she said. Can you understand why I felt that way or do you think I’m being crazy?

Apparently uncomfortable now, he said he didn’t think she was being crazy, and that he had meant to reply to her message, but time had passed and he had started to feel awkward about it. He was kneading his shoulder under his hand. Look, I’ll go, he said. I can drive, I’m grand. I never had that glass of wine in the end anyway. Sorry I interrupted your phone call there, you can ring your friend back if you want.

I’d prefer if you stayed, she said. With me, if that’s what you’d like. I don’t mind.

You don’t mind, or you want me to?