Beat of the Heart (Runaway Train, #2)(77)

“This can’t be all part of some machismo act of staking claim on what’s yours.”

“Don’t insult the level of my love and feelings for this child—this flesh of my flesh.” I drew in a deep breath before adding, “Or my feelings for you.”

“And just how in the world would the baby and I fit into your lifestyle?”

I ran my hand over my face, pausing to rub the stubble along my cheeks. “I don’t know right at the moment, but I’d make it work—we would make it work. Hell, Bray and Lily have two kids, and they do just fine.”

“But we barely know each other.”

I shrugged. “Then we’ll get to know each other. You can come out on tour—”

“AJ, I have a very demanding career—one I worked very hard to get. I can’t just leave it, so I can follow you around city to city on some cramped bus.”

I couldn’t tell if she was bullshitting me with the career thing. I mean, I knew she was serious about being a nurse, and from Frank’s testimony, she was a damn good one. A part of me understood why she wouldn’t want to give up her life for the rootless and crazy life of a musician, especially one who she wasn’t sure she loved. Hell, I wasn’t completely sold on how much I loved her—I mean, I thought I did. Regardless of the baby, I knew I cared for her more than I had any girl I’d ever been in a relationship with before. I had even gone so far as to tell Mia I loved her once—of course, I was chained to a shower head, so I wasn’t sure how much she believed me or thought I was just playing her to get out.

“Do you love me even a little bit?” I questioned.

“W-What?”

“You heard me.”

Mia sighed. “Don’t ask me that.”

“And why not?”

“Because I don’t have an easy answer for it,” she replied.

“For just a second, let go of the past. Focus on the two weeks we had together.” I leaned forward on the table with my elbows. “It wasn’t just physical, Mia.”

“I know that,” she whispered.

I threw my hands up in frustration and fought not to growl at her. “Then why are you fighting so f*cking hard against me? Jesus, Mia, I’m sitting here trying to make this work.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m fighting you. After we…broke up or whatever you want to call it, things have been so crazy.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “But you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”

My chest constricted, and I fought to breathe. “You have?” I choked out.

She gave me a sad smile. “Of course I have. I’ve thought of you each and every day—even before I found out about the baby. If I’m honest with you and myself, I haven’t been as happy as I was when I was with you in a long, long time.”

I exhaled a ragged breath. This woman was going to be the f*cking death of me. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Listen Mia, I don’t know what you want me to say or do. You have absolutely no reason not to trust me because I never cheated on you. I told you before that I’ve never been a cheater and never will, so you should know I would never do that to you. Trust me, I want to work things out with you, but you’re gonna have to give a little.”

Mia remained silent for some time, twisting the napkin in her lap while chewing on her bottom lip. “Next Thursday is the early gender sonogram. I would love for you to be there.”

“Wow, we’ll know what it is already?”

“Yes.”

My mind began furiously fast-forwarding a week. “Let’s see. We have a show in Philly on Wednesday night.” Mia’s brows rose skeptically as if she already suspected I was going to flake out on her. “But I’m already supposed to be back here on Friday, so I can leave for Mexico. But I can come back a day early.”

Mia’s eyes widened. “You’re leaving the country?”

“Yeah, I’m going to my cousin’s quincea?era. Well, all my family is going actually. She’s also my goddaughter so I wouldn’t dream of missing it. Jake and Abby are coming with me to scope out some places for their wedding.”

“I see,” she murmured.

A thought entered my mind, and I didn’t stop to question it, I just acted on it. Reaching out, I grabbed her hand in mine. “Come with me to Mexico.”

“AJ, be serious.”

“I’m absolutely f*cking serious. The more I think about it, the more perfect it is. My parents are going to be there, so I can introduce you to everyone—let them know I’m going to be a father. And then we can spend time getting to know each other.”

“I can’t just up and leave for a strange country in less than a week.”

“Can’t or won’t?” I squeezed her hand in mine. “Come on, lighten up and be a little spontaneous. It’ll be good practice for life on the road.”

“I can’t.”

“And why the hell not? I’m sure you’ve got to have vacation time stored up. You’re not too far along to fly.” At her surprised expression, I smiled. “Between Cris, and Lily, I know just enough about pregnancy and babies to be dangerous.”

The corners of Mia’s lips turned up, and I could tell she was fighting not to laugh. “Okay, fine, you get to the ultrasound and that will prove you want to be a part of the baby’s life. Then, I’ll come to Mexico with you.”