Be with Me (Wait for You #2)(58)

“We’re at least two miles from the farm, where Mom and Dad are, but this is still our property,” he explained. “No one comes out here except us, and they aren’t going to be coming anywhere near here, so we can stay as long as you want.”

I dropped my hands into my lap. “Thank you for bringing me out here.”

“No problem.” He nudged my arm with his. “You sure you don’t want to pick up those pain meds the doc gave you a prescription for?”

The script was burning a hole in my pocket. “No. I mean, it would be nice to take them and just not care, because that’s how they make me feel, but I need to deal with this. You know?”

“I get that, but you shouldn’t be in pain.”

“I’m not in a lot of pain.” And that much was true. It hurt, but it was manageable. Beside me, Jase lay back, folding his arms under his head. For a few moments, I got a little lost staring at the straight line of his nose and the way his lashes fanned to an indecent length. “Can I ask you something?”

“Something.”

I smiled, remembering my drunken response from Saturday night. “Why don’t you live at the farm? You love being around Jack. I’m surprised you’re not living there. I mean, can I ask you that?”

“Yeah,” he said immediately, frowning slightly. “I want to. You know, I’d be able to spend more time with him, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. It makes it . . . harder, especially when Mom and Dad do the parent thing with him. I want to step in and that would just confuse him.”

“Understandable.” I wet my lips. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I gave a lopsided shrug. “It’s just, what you face with Jack is hard. You’re trying to do the right thing, but what’s really the right thing? No one knows. It’s got to be hard.”

“It is. That’s why I’m not sure if telling him the truth will ever be the right thing,” he admitted, and I was relieved that he was talking to me about this, because this was more important than my stupid leg. “On the flip side, shouldn’t he know? And what if he finds out by accident when he’s older? That kind of shit keeps me up at night.”

Reaching over, I squeezed his hand. “I think you’ll figure it out.”

He didn’t say anything, but there was something about the way he looked at me that forced the words beyond my lips.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I whispered, switching my gaze to the still waters. That’s how I felt. Too still. As if my life was stuck on the pause button. “I thought . . . I always thought I’d be able to go back. That I would dance again. That’s what I always thought I’d do and now . . .” I trailed off, shaking my head.

“Everything has changed,” he added quietly.

I nodded as I blew out a breath.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again. Sometimes some really good things come from something unexpected.” His lashes lifted, and the intensity in his gaze was unnerving, as if his words meant more than what he was saying. “I know that’s not easy to swallow right now and doesn’t help you, but I’m speaking the truth.”

I nodded again. “You’re talking about Jack?”

“I am.”

I looked over my shoulder at him again. His gaze was trained on the cloudless, deep blue sky. One side of his lips curled up. “You know, you’ll make a great teacher, Tess.”

A strangled--sounding laugh escaped me. “You said I’d be unhappy being a teacher.”

“No. I said that you’d be happy doing it, but it’s not what you want.”

“How’s that any different?”

He slid me a sideways look. “It’s very different. Teaching could become something you want and something you love to do. You just need time.”

Time was a funny and fickle thing. Sometimes there was never enough of it, and other times it stretched out endlessly.

“I really believe that,” he said quietly.

Pressure clamped down on my chest. Maybe he was right. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next month, all of this wouldn’t seem like such a death sentence. But right now, I felt like I was free--falling, my arms flailing and there wasn’t anything to grab onto to stop my fall.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said, voice hoarse as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“What do you want?”

“I . . . I don’t want to think about this. Maybe that makes me weak.”

“It doesn’t,” he said, and I felt him roll onto his side.

“And I don’t want to feel this right now—-this emptiness and uncertainty and confusion.” The next breath I took was shaky. “I just don’t want to feel this.”

Maybe I should’ve gotten the prescription filled.

There was a moment, perhaps no more than a heartbeat, and then his hand wrapped around the curve of my elbow. My eyes snapped open when he tugged me onto my back. Air hitched in my throat as his lean body hovered over mine as he rose up on his elbow.

“I have an idea,” he said with a small grin. The teasing look didn’t reach his eyes. Something else burned there. A powerful intensity that caused the muscles in my stomach to quiver. “And I think this idea will definitely have you feeling something else.”