Barbarian Mine (Ice Planet Barbarians #4)(47)

A moment later, a kit cries out, the wail overloud in our cave.

Har-loh pants and laughs, tears streaming down her face. She looks up at me, exhausted and happy all at once.

Maylak cuts the cord, wraps the child in furs and then holds it out to me. “Take your son while the mother and I finish.”

My son?

I step forward, numb, and drop the water skin. The child is thrust into my arms a moment later and then Maylak turns back to Harloh. I stare down at the bundle I hold.

It’s so…tiny. So small. The face is small and scrunched, the forehead with two small buds that will one day become horns. His nose is small and smooth like Har-loh’s, but his forehead holds traces of the ridges that mine does. And he is a pale, pale blue, a color between my skin and my sweet Har-loh’s. He is bald, and I’m torn between thinking he is the ugliest, weakest creature I have ever seen…and the most wonderful.

I unwrap him because I have to see all of him. I have to know he’s fine, he’s healthy…he’s just so small. The moment I unwrap him, he begins to wail even louder. I stare down at his tiny body. Skinny legs flail, and his tiny tail flicks with anger. The cut cord is still bleeding, limp against his rounded belly. His arms reach out as if looking for something, and I give him my finger to hold onto. He clutches it and I notice his grip is three fingered, like mine. Even his tiny cock has a spur.

My son.

I catch a glimpse of his eyes, wrinkled slits that scrunch as he wails. They are dark, no blue spark of life in them. That worries me. His size worries me, too. He’s so small that he fits in the palm of my hand. I’m awed by him, but I’m terrified. My Har-loh brought this tiny life into being and now I must ensure that he is safe and well fed. A fierce surge of protectiveness wells inside me, and I wrap the baby tightly in the furs again and hold him to my chest.

I would do anything for him. Anything. I’m choked with emotion. Helplessness, joy, fear, and utter happiness war inside me. Is this how my father felt at my birth? Like he would destroy anything that came between him and his child?

Is this why he fought so fiercely to keep me away from the others?

But…then why deliver Raahosh to them? For the first time, I truly understand Raahosh’s feelings of betrayal and hurt. I hold my son close to my breast and silently promise that I will do whatever it takes to ensure his happiness.

Har-loh groans again, and when I look up, she’s lying back down on the furs. Maylak is calmly folding up the birthing fur into a bundle nearby. Har-loh smiles at me, tired and sweaty. “Can I see him? Is he healthy?”

“He is…wonderful,” I tell her, and my voice catches in my throat. “He is a mixture of both you and me.”

She holds her arms out, and I kneel down to gently hand her my son. Our son. Our child. My heart overflows with emotion. Never have I felt so content…and so utterly terrified that it will all be ripped from me.

Har-loh’s eyes widen at the sight of him, and then she begins to cry. “He’s so beautiful.”

I chuckle. “No, he’s not. He is wrinkly.”

She bats my arm but doesn’t look up from the kit. “Shut up. I thought he’d have red hair. Can you imagine a blue baby with red hair? Horrible. But he’s perfect.” Her hand smooths over the small head, the tiny horn nubs, his nose, his cheek. In response to her touch, the baby turns his face toward her breast. She fits him there against her, and more tears fall down her cheeks as the baby begins to suck. The tiny mouth fits against her nipple and the baby quiets.

I could watch them forever.

“Take this,” Maylak says, and hands me the bundle of the birthing furs. “Go and bury this as far from the cave as you can.”

I nod and look at my mate. Har-loh’s gaze as she watches me is worried.

“What is it?”

“Will you…will you come back?” Fresh tears spill from her eyes. “To us?”

The hurt in her voice is like a knife in my gut. Why does she doubt me? How can she think I would abandon her and my child – my son – at this moment?

But then I remember Vektal waiting outside in the main cave. And I remember that my Har-loh must stay here if she is to be healthy. And my happiness is crushed. If I stay here with them, I will be going against everything my father taught me. And yet, how can I abandon them? They are my heart, more than the khui that vibrates in my chest whenever she is near.

I nod slowly. “I will return.” I want to say more, but there’s so much worry and emotion in Har-loh’s big eyes that I can’t speak. I clutch the bundle of bloodied furs against my chest and leave the cave. We will talk more when I can think clearly.

Vektal is waiting the moment I exit the cave. I stalk past him, not wanting to talk, but he walks alongside me as I exit the cave.

“Well?” He says when I remain silent and head out into the snow. “Is it healthy?”

I nod. For some reason, I’m glad his first question is asking about the child’s health.

He exhales in relief and claps my shoulder as if we are friends. I stiffen, but say nothing. Har-loh must remain with these people no matter what, so I cannot snarl at him.

“And Harlow? Is she well?”

“She is tired, but well.”

“The child – a female or male?”

“Male.”

He grunts. “Does it look as the humans do?”