Bad Rep (Bad Rep, #1)(98)

“Hey, Maysie,” Aimee had said.  And the way she said my name made me feel like I had some sort of disease.  She and Cyndy had shared a look and Cyndy covered her mouth to hide a mocking grin.

I had gotten pissed.  I was sick to death of this shit.  So I had slammed my book shut and looked at each of my group members.  “Is there a problem?” I had asked.  Charlie had looked startled and gave a mumbled, “no” before looking away.  Cyndy and Aimee weren't as embarrassed by their behavior.  Both were decent looking girls, but in a bookish kind of way.  Definitely not sorority material.  No, they were the girls, with their above average IQs, who looked down their noses and acted like anyone in the Greek system were barely functioning morons.

“Yeah, I guess there is a problem,” Cyndy began and I gave her my best bitchy look of indifference.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked, trying really hard to act like I didn't give a crap about their opinions when deep down I was dying.  Aimee snickered.

“I mean, can you be counted on to pull your weight or will it be interfering with your 'extracurricular'  activities?”  The bitch had the nerve to use f*cking air quotes.

“I'm sure I can fit you into my busy sorority schedule if that's what you're asking,” I answered snidely.  Cyndy's eyes had gone wide in feigned surprise.

“Oh no, that's not what we were referring to.”  Huh?  The two girls looked at each other again.

“What?” I snapped, losing all patience with this entire conversation.

“We mean your other activities.  You know.  Your fraternity obligations,” Aimee said and snickered outright.  I looked at Charlie who had his mouth hanging open and was staring at me.  What the hell?

Charlie sat up straighter.  “I'm pledging Kappa Tau.  Just so you know.”  It seemed really important for  him to tell me this.  What was going on here?  Aimee leaned forward and dropped her voice into a whisper.

“We've heard you're part of the fraternity initiations.  I've heard it's called, pass the slut.  The guys say you're the best there is.”  Her lip curled again and she sniffed as though she smelled something foul.

I felt sick.  My hands went clammy and I know my face had gone pale.  “What?” I whispered, my voice gone.  Charlie was practically fidgeting in his seat.

“We all know about you, Maysie.  I hope I get to see you around the house soon.  You know we're having a party this weekend.  Maybe you could come,” Charlie said eagerly.  I looked from Cyndy and Aimee's disgusted expressions to Charlie's hopeful lustful one and I couldn't take it anymore.  My snappy comebacks and snarky attitude were all dried up.  I had nothing to say in the face of that.  The fact that these three people, who I didn't know, had heard these horrible things about me, made me want to head straight for Timbuktu, or somewhere equally cut off from all civilization.

So, I had grabbed my books and my bag and got up.  I fled the classroom.  Yep, I ran.  Like I said before, it's what I do best.  I was shaken by the whole thing.  I knew people were talking about me.  That I was the one labeled the whore because of what went down with Jordan.  What I hadn't realized was the way it had grown into something else.  Now, not only was I home wrecking bitch, but I was practically a prostitute being passed around by every fraternity on campus.

Where had the story come from?  Even as I had thought it, I knew.  Milla and Olivia.  Where else?  But I didn't have proof so there was no sense in confronting them.  So I had gone home, waited for Riley and cried on her shoulder.  The poor girl's clothes had been drenched in my tears on more than one occasion recently.

And I didn't tell Jordan.  I didn't want him to go off on some one-manned vendetta to eradicate all the rumors going around about me.  He didn't need the drama.  Plus I was embarrassed that people were saying that about me.  What if hearing it enough made Jordan think about me differently?  Then I felt guilty for even contemplating that.

I wasn't entirely sure if Jordan had heard the rumors.  If he had, he never mentioned them.

My mind was strangely full for having woken out of a dead sleep.  So I slowly peeled myself away from Jordan, careful not to wake him up and tip toed out of the room.  I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and headed out onto the balcony.

The air was cool and I wished I had thought to grab a sweater.  Propping my feet on the railing, I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag.  Everything was silent and I enjoyed the peace.  I stared into the trees behind the apartment building.  In some ways my life was everything I wanted it to be.  I had friends who had my back no matter what.  I had a great job.  I was doing well in school.  And I had a guy who I loved so much it was hard to breathe.

But then there was the flip side to the coin.  The nasty ugliness of my reality that made the good stuff hard to remember.  Deep down I worried that all of the shit, the horrible rumors, the despicable things people were saying behind my back, and hatefully to my face, would taint what Jordan and I had.  What was that saying about if you hear it enough times, you start to believe it as the truth?

It sucked; this insecurity of mine.  I had never really suffered from low-self esteem before.  I didn't fixate on my flaws, real or imagined.  But this whole thing with Olivia and Jordan and been a hard blow.  I hated that I had become one of those girls who second guessed herself all the time.