Bad Rep (Bad Rep, #1)(101)
His flippant disregard for my feelings stung. I felt like a child being dismissed during a temper tantrum. I didn't think I was being entirely unreasonable. But Jordan had effectively shut me down. I stood there, watching him shove his book into his bag as he walked passed me and out into the hallway. I was left to follow him, feeling like an idiot.
We got back into his truck and Jordan didn't say anything. The air between us was decidedly cool and I didn't know how to thaw it. When he pulled into the parking lot at the school, we still hadn't said a word to each other. He threw the vehicle into park and grabbed his bag.
“Jordan, wait,” I said before he could get out of the car. Jordan hesitated but didn't look at me. “I'm sorry, alright. I was being jealous. It's just really hard for me. You and Olivia have this history and we're so new. I just get intimidated by it,” I admitted quietly.
Jordan's shoulders dropped a bit. “Maysie, I can't lie to you. Seeing Olivia with Gio bothered me.” I sucked in a breath, his words like a knife to my heart. Jordan's jaw clenched.
“But not for the reasons you think. Gio is an ass. He uses girls and throws them away. I care about Liv. I always will. You don't share a huge portion of your life with someone and then discard them like it's nothing. I did wrong by her, Mays. What I did was f*cked up. And I feel incredibly guilty. And that's what I felt when I saw the two of them together. Guilt.”
He twisted in his seat so that he was facing me. His eyes were bright as they bore into mine. “I don't love her. Not anymore. I haven't loved her for a long time. But I feel bad. I feel like a total dick for being that guy. I cheated on her. It's hard for me to reconcile myself to that.”
I swallowed. The shame of what we had done washing over me anew. I had no idea Jordan struggled as much as I did. He seemed so sure of us. Maybe he was starting to question whether he had made the right decision.
“I'm so sorry...” I started and Jordan cut me off, reaching out and pulling me toward him.
“No, Maysie. No! I don't want you to think for one second that I regret you. Regret us. I wouldn't undo anything that brought you into my life. I just hate that Olivia is reaping the aftermath of my decision not to be upfront with her. And now she's hooking up with douche bags like Gio Bovalina. It's just kind of hard not to feel like the biggest * on the planet,” he said sadly.
I felt a little better, but I didn't like him beating himself up like that. I bumped my nose with his. “Olivia Peer is a big girl, Jordan. She makes her own decisions. Don't think for one second that you are in anyway to blame for that. Guilt will suck you dry. I should know.” Jordan rubbed his nose along my cheek, his breath sweet against my skin.
“Whatever I did in my last life to deserve you, I'm extremely grateful,” he whispered, his lips tracing my ear. “I hope I always deserve you,” he murmured before placing a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth.
“And I get what you're feeling. I really do. How many times have I threatened to put my fist down that jackass's throat that you used to date? We really need to learn to trust each other. We really, really do. Because you have become the most important thing in my life,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.
I had no words. He had this crazy power to render me speechless. “Let's get you to class, baby,” he said, pulling away and reaching for his bag again. I nodded, my tongue too heavy in my mouth as I tried to get my hammering heart under control.
We walked across campus, his arm slung around my shoulders and I knew that whatever else may be thrown our way, this is where I belonged. Right here, right now. For always.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“I need to head over to the mail room. I haven't checked my box in forever.” Riley commented, picking up her tray and going to drop it off. I followed her. We had met up for lunch in the canteen. We both had class in forty-five minutes so we were killing time until then. Jordan was in classes up until five, so I wouldn't see him until after his shift at Barton's that night.
I was still sort of reeling from our conversation earlier. It had the ring of things left unresolved. Yes, I knew he had made it clear I was what he wanted. But I couldn't forget the look on his face after seeing Olivia and Gio together. Why couldn't I get over my insecurities? Oh, that's right. Because I was a neurotic, self-sabotager extraordinaire. Hell, if ruining something great were an Olympic sport, I would have the gold medal.
Riley and I made our way across campus. The stares and whispering had died down some. Maybe everyone had moved on to some other tasty bit of gossip. I was less self-conscious about being in public. I had stopped looking over my shoulder for attacking groups of villagers with pitch forks. I took that as a positive step forward.
We went up the stairs to the mail room. “Maysie! Riley! Hold up!” I looked over my shoulder and saw Gracie running after us. She was her typical cute self in a pink v-necked sweater, knee length jean skirt, polka dot leggings and brown Uggs. I wanted to put her on my key chain, she was so over the top adorable.