Baby Love(16)

"I hope so. I feel so guilty. I'm not sure why."

Trey pulled back from me, tilting my chin upward to kiss me softly on the lips.

"Sweetie, you have no reason to feel guilty about anything. It was a random act of some sort. It has nothing to do with you or me, okay?"

I nodded but I was not convinced that he was right. Something about this had my stomach tied in knots of fear. There was something personal about it though I wasn't sure how it could possibly be linked to Trey or to me.

"I have more bad news I'm afraid."

Trey looked over at me, taking a peeled carrot from the cutting board to snack on as he waited for the news. "When Gina came for lunch today she was devastated Trey. She caught Ian in the act of cheating with one of his young female employees. She is beside herself. She asked if you would represent her in divorce proceedings."

"Hmmph,"he grunted, "I would be more inclined to represent Ian - pro bono."

"What?" I snapped. "This isn't a joke Trey. He has freaking destroyed her."

"Oh come on Tylar. You don't think in Gina's own way she has somehow emasculated him over time? It was just a matter of time before Ian discovered he had some balls."

"What the hell are you saying Trey? Do you actually think that there is any excuse for cheating?"

"I did not say that Tylar. Look, let’s not argue about Gina and Ian's business okay?"

I didn't answer him, continuing to peel vegetables for our salad.

"Where's 'Chubbers?" he asked, clearly wanting to change the subject.

Trey had taken to referring to her now as 'Chubbers'. I didn't care for the nickname. My baby was at a healthy weight. There was nothing worse than a scrawny baby.

"Don't call her that," I reminded him again. "She's in her crib napping. I put her down about an hour ago. Would you look in on her?"

"I'd be happy to do that," he said heading down the hall to check on Preston.

I knew he would end up waking her up. Several minutes later he reappeared cradling her in his arms.

"Tylar," he said in a serious tone.

I looked up at him from where I had continued chopping up carrots for our salads. Preston gave me a dimpled grin from her vantage point against Trey's chest.

"I changed her diaper just now. What's with the rash that she still has on her bottom? Aren't you doing anything for it?"

I didn't know what it was. Perhaps it was the stress over what I had just learned about Jean; perhaps it was Trey's cavalier attitude about Ian's cheating on Gina or maybe it was the repetitive nightmares that I had been having about losing Preston. All I knew was that in that nanosecond I lost it.

"What the hell!" I screamed, startling both Trey and the baby as I slammed the knife down on the chopping block.

I saw Preston's little face scrunch up in tears; her thumb went immediately into her mouth. She buried her face into Trey's chest and whimpered against him. Trey gathered her closer to him as if he was protecting her from me - the enemy. This was so unfamiliar to her. It was unfamiliar to all of us.

"I take good care of my baby!" I yelled. "Who are you to tell me otherwise?"

I pushed past Trey and Preston, tossing the dish towel I had wiped my hands with back behind me where it floated to the floor.

I didn't stick around to watch as Trey's face took on a totally different persona. I heard him start the automatic timer on Preston's swing and imagined that he had placed her there so that he could deal with me. I was glad in that moment that I had fled the room for my own safety. I found my solace in our own room, flinging myself on the bed. My body was racked with sobs and tears.

It was only moments before Trey was there on the bed, sitting down beside me. He observed my meltdown. He did nothing, letting me sob for awhile. He probably figured that was my 'just desserts' for losing it out there in front of the baby.

"Tylar," he finally implored in a soft and sane tone. "What the hell is going on?"

I sat up and looked at him, brushing the tears from my face. I gathered courage from somewhere in the depths of my being.

"I can't take it when you say that I'm not a good mother," I choked, still fighting tears. "I love that baby more than life itself, don't you get that Trey?"

He was watching me quizzically, almost as if he thought I had gone off of the deep end.

"Tylar, sweetie," he said softly, "I wasn't criticizing you in any way, shape or form. This is all new to me as well. It was just that when I changed her diaper, I was kind of . . . well taken aback at the rash she has going on. I didn't mean to accuse you of not taking care of her properly. Please believe me."

I was still sobbing, letting all of my fears and tension release for now. I felt better in doing so. I had needed this release. My only regret was that my husband and daughter had witnessed it. I hadn't wanted that at all.

"Trey," I said, sighing heavily, "This has been a very tough day on me. I'm shaken because of Jean and what Gina is going through but I'm also worried about Preston."

"Baby, it's just a rash," he started.

"No, not just the rash," I explained tentatively. "I've been having nightmares about Preston. It's as if I can't keep her safe. There's nothing more definitive than that in my dreams. I'm worried."