Awk-Weird (Ice Knights, #2)(71)

“Tess, I—” But before he could finish whatever he was going to say, his entire body stiffened and he came, clutching her close to him.

Body ravaged by the force of it all and trying to catch her breath, she laid her cheek against his chest and listened to the wild beating of his heart as he came back to himself.

“Holy hell,” he said, his tone nothing but wonder and awe.

She chuckled. “Pretty much.” She let out a long sigh, not wanting to let go but knowing she couldn’t force him to hold her like this any longer. “You better let me go.”

He didn’t say anything, but after she unwound her legs from his waist, he lowered her to the ground.

She scooped up her clothes. “I have to go to the bathroom real quick.”

He nodded, running his hands through his hair and keeping his gaze lowered. “I’ll just wait out here.”

And in that breath, the reality of all of that hit her. She loved him. He would still be getting back together with Marti, hell, she was probably still at his house after watching him last night. What had just happened had been a mistake.

“You don’t have to stay,” she said, holding her clothes tight to her chest.

He stiffened and looked up at her, his expression hard. “Why, because everything you touch is temporary?”

Her breath caught, his words slapping her. “That’s not on me.”

“Bullshit.” He jerked on his underwear and jeans. “You’ve been waiting to walk out on me since the day you walked into my house.”

That wasn’t true. She was just realistic. They’d barely known each other. She knew better than to think walking into a new-to-her house would mean she’d become family. But Cole? Even with all his moves, he’d been the one leaving, not the one being left.

“Fuck you,” she said, her entire body aching with a bone-deep misery. “You don’t know what it’s like. I have to protect the baby from disappointment.”

The color drained from his face, and then the words roared out of him, “Is that what I am to you? A disappointment?” He pulled on his shirt, the movements stiff and angry. “You think you’re an obligation and I’m a disappointment. Ever think that people don’t stick around because you make it impossible to? Even with your friends, you’re probably just waiting for them to ditch you, aren’t you?” He paused, sucking in a ragged breath as he watched her. “Oh my God, you are. You’re something else, you know that?”

Every word landed like a punch, and she was breathing hard by the time he got to the end of it. Weary, hurt, and frustrated that she couldn’t deny a single true word of it, she stood there staring at him as he shoved his feet in his shoes while she was still naked and clutching her clothes in a tight ball in front of her. There wasn’t a part of her that didn’t ache.

“All of that is just amazing coming from someone who has spent his entire life swimming in circles.” It all came rushing out of her in clipped words as sharp as knives. “Always the same plays at home and on the ice. Always the same Marti, who couldn’t get to the locker room fast enough the other night. Always the same everything. Maybe it’s time you grew some fucking balls and learned to stop hiding behind all that routine.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. “Don’t bring Marti into this.”

“Why not?” Tess’s chest burned and emotion nearly choked her. “She’s always been there anyway.”

His upper lip curled in a snarl. “Tell me how you really feel.”

“I don’t feel anything about you. You said it yourself—you’re just temporary,” she said, her shaky voice barely above a whisper as the lie fell out. “Just go, Cole.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be sure to live down to your expectations.” He started for the door but stopped, turned, and glared at her. “But if you think I’m going to sit by and watch you instill this chickenshit attitude about the world into our child, then you couldn’t be more wrong. There is more to life than expecting the worst from people and fixating on the shitheads who did you wrong. Your ghosts will not live rent-free in our kid’s head. You got that?”

She flinched, taking a few steps back. “I’d never do that.”

He let out a harsh, cold laugh. “That’s funny because I thought I’d never leave, but look what I’m doing.”

Then he walked out the door just like she’d been expecting since the beginning.

She threw her clothes down, squeezed her eyes shut, and clamped her mouth shut so hard, her teeth hurt, but she didn’t cry. Not a single tear.

Not.

One.

It was for the best. Really. She’d gone into this whole arrangement knowing it was temporary. That’s how things always worked out. She was so used to it that it barely hurt. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her lips from trembling and to distract from the sob building up inside her.

“But don’t worry.” She rubbed her belly. “You’re wanted. You’re loved. You’ll always have me.”





Chapter Twenty-One


Cole’s kitchen looked like a bomb of bad cooking had gone off. Flour covered almost every surface. There was a grapefruit-size pool of brown liquid that smelled a little like vanilla and a lot more like bourbon on the island. The carcasses of half a dozen burned cakes, flattened soufflés, and charcoal briskets masquerading as chocolate chip cookies littered every available flat surface. Not even a bite of it was edible.