Ask Me Why(37)

He wags his brows. I snort into my glass, bracing for the worst.

“Sounds like what you were grinding on earlier.”

That earns him a genuine laugh. The man doesn’t disappoint. That’s for certain. “Yeah, yeah. That was shameless.”

Dimples dent both of Brance’s cheeks. I never noticed those panty-killers before. Guess that’s where Ollie gets them from. Good grief, could he be more attractive?

“I’m not complaining.” He lifts his beer to mine.

I accept his cheers with a clink of our glasses. “What a relief.”

Brance takes a long swig. “Since we’re on the subject, what’s with the tears?”

I glance at the ceiling and exhale the weight on my chest. There’s no point trying to avoid this topic. The man sitting across from me has proven to be quite persistent.

“Promise not to be a brutal asshole after I tell you all my shit?” I shoot him a fierce glare.

He holds up a palm. “I’ll do my best to curb the snark.”

“Thanks.” My smile is forced, wobbling at the corners.

Brance watches me, his eyes bright and full of mirth. I drop my gaze from his. Getting lost in those blue depths will make trudging into the past more difficult. There’s a candle at the center of the table. The flame makes a safe focal point. I allow the numb to take hold. Ice clots my veins, the freezing layer familiar and almost comforting.

“I met Devon my freshman year of college. We ate lunch in the cafeteria at the same time and eventually got to talking. He was a junior and very charming, swept me right off my feet. We had a lot in common, especially when it came to escaping our families. Devon came from nothing. He was always trying to prove himself. He believed that landing the right job and getting a big paycheck would solve everything. Others would finally accept him. It didn’t matter that I always had. He was searching to fulfill that bigger picture.”

My beer trembles, vibrating on the wood surface. I belatedly realize the hand holding my glass is shaking. “It became obvious Devon had a very skewed mentality. But I understood that. Hell, I lived it. It’s hard to pull yourself up when everyone shoves you down. We sink or swim, right? Well, Devon worked himself to exhaustion on the daily. It got worse after he graduated.”

Why am I so parched? I lick my lips, a slow stroke to wet the dry skin. After taking a sip of my drink, I dig deeper. “Devon got hired by a huge corporation. He was one of thousands, but opportunities to climb the ladder were handed out like candy. That was all it took for him to go all in. The change started slow, but soon enough I’d go days without hearing from him. I didn’t let it bother me because he had good reason. Plus, he always made it up to me. We worked through the strains and looked forward to our future.”

Brance remains silent across from me and I’m thankful for it. I guess he’s respectful when it truly matters.

I pull in a slow breath and dive under. “The night of the accident, Devon was taking me somewhere special. There was a surprise he wanted to share with me. I could tell something was off with him. He was acting more unsettled than usual. I remember his knee bouncing so fast while he drove well beyond the speed limit. Devon blamed it on stress and some big project. When I pressed him on it, he admitted to taking caffeine pills. Apparently he wasn’t sleeping well and wanted to be alert for our date.”

The restaurant is quiet, allowing me to hear everything from that night. Tires squealing and the windshield shattering. The blast of shards splintering pierce at my ears. Smoke fills my nostrils when I inhale. I cough, but it only gets worse. Searing heat blurs my vision as I watch it all unravel.

“The turn was sharp and sudden. Devon didn’t see it coming. The car flipped several times before crashing into a tree. The impact was on his side, killing him instantly. I was stuck in the car for hours. My vocal cords were ripped to shreds when they found me. I’ll never forget that feeling of being trapped. But the vision of him hanging lifeless in front of me is what keeps me up at night.”

Brance’s face has paled considerably, but I don’t let that stop me.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks. “The police found an engagement ring in his jacket pocket. Devon never got the chance to ask. I lost my shit when the doctor handed me that blue velvet box. He’d left me something to always remember him by. I slipped the band on my finger and didn’t take it off for a year. I wasn’t his fiancé, but wearing that ring meant everything to me. It became a symbol of him, I guess. My therapist said that was a normal reaction. Holding onto the possibility or whatever. Makes me sound more crazy. But having something of him close gave me a significance to grasp. Devon loved me enough to buy a diamond. That’s the type of boost a very grief-stricken girlfriend needs.”

I sniff and finish off my beer. “After the accident, they diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder. Can’t leave out insomnia and anxiety. Pretty much all the good shit. I was in therapy to learn how to cope and deal with my new normal. The first year was horrific. I was a shell. My friend, Sadie, is solely responsible for keeping me alive. I’m better these days. Most of the time, I can control the episodes. I still suffer from panic attacks, nightmares, and flashbacks. But not nearly as often.” I slouch in the booth, depleted and done.

Brance scrubs over his mouth. “I’m not sure what to say, which might be a first for me.”