Anyone But Rich (Anyone But..., #1)(6)

Nick stood, stopping him with a barrage of “whoa whoa whoa.”

“That door goes outside,” Nick said.

Jalen was looking at him like he didn’t understand the problem.

“Like we’re thirty thousand feet in the air, and it goes outside,” Nick said. “You’d depressurize the cabin, and we’d all get sucked out to our deaths.”

“Not if we had parachutes,” Cade added, as if he’d just made the winning point in an argument.

Jalen pulled his hand away and gave a half smile. “My bad. I thought it was a closet.”

Cade looked at me with pursed lips. “What makes you think I didn’t already stash a few in my bags?”

“The fact that you haven’t packed your own luggage in years.”

Cade reeled his head back and clutched at his heart. “You make me sound like some sort of rich, entitled asshole.”

“And you make it sound like that’s not true.”

Stella laughed softly beside me. It was rare to hear her laugh genuinely, and it was enough of a surprise to draw my eyes. She quickly looked away and focused on her hands, which were motionless in her lap.

“How’s this for capturing reality?” Cade asked. “You’re a dick. And I’m stronger than you.”

I screwed up my face at him. “There’s no point. Arguing with you is like arguing with a five-year-old.”

“Yeah, well. If you can’t win arguments with a little kid, why would you expect to win them with me?”

I briefly thought about explaining to him how he’d entirely missed the point, but there really wasn’t such a thing as winning an argument with Cade. He was too bullheaded to ever admit he was wrong, and he was an expert in twisting reality until even he was so confused that he thought all the facts had aligned in his favor.

“On a serious note,” I said, “can you promise you’ll at least stay out of trouble for a few weeks when we land in West Valley? The mayor technically still holds a few permits for the construction and traffic regulation that could be real pains in our asses. I’m pretty confident legal could eventually overpower him if he actually tried to stop us, but we’d be talking months, if not years, of delay.”

“Trouble,” Cade mused. “Are you trying to tell me to keep my dick in my pants? Because you know I’m very responsible when it comes to my extracurdickular activities.”

I nearly corrected him but decided even Cade wasn’t dumb enough to think extracurdickular was a real word and that he was making an attempt at humor.

“I’m telling you to avoid getting tangled up in the normal dumb shit you usually do. At the very least, don’t get caught if you’re going to do something idiotic.”

He sighed in relief. “Got it. I promise I won’t get caught.”

I knew it was likely the best I could hope for from him, so I let it go.

“You know, she’s hot and everything,” he said suddenly. He pointed toward Stella, then leaned in like he was trying to catch her eyes. “But it’s pretty weird how she’s always so quiet. And if a girl ever touched me like that,” he said, nodding toward where her hand sat limply on top of mine, “I think my dick would retreat so far into my body you’d have to start calling me Cadealina.” He raised his eyebrows at Stella and raised his voice. “Blink twice if he’s holding you hostage. Blink three times if he’s shit in bed. Cross your toes if he’s a barbarian who likes ketchup on his grilled cheese.”

Stella stiffened, then turned toward me. “I don’t think it’s actually possible to avoid blinking, and I’m wearing closed-toed shoes, so . . .”

Cade crossed his arms and smirked. “You dirty dog. Shit in bed and you’ve taken a hostage. So that’s why we’ve been lugging the silent sister around with us for weeks now?”

“You told her to blin—”

“I got it. I’m not an idiot,” Cade interrupted. “But hey, I’m not judging. If you’re into weirdly quiet women who kind of give off a Viking princess vibe, then have at it. But if you do eventually decide to fuck her, let me know. I’ll knit you a little sweater for your dick. Wouldn’t want it freezing off inside the Ice Queen. A really little sweater.”

“We’re identical twins,” I said dryly. “From our feet to our cocks.”

He gave me a grudging nod. “Yeah, you’re lucky you got my huge cock. If you weren’t my twin, it’d be as small as Nick’s. I guarantee it.”

Nick spread his hands in a silent what-the-hell kind of way but knew stepping into the conversation would be like stepping neck-deep into a pool of idiot. He wisely stayed out of it.

As if he’d successfully concluded the conversation, Cade excused himself and left—most likely to see if he could beat Jalen at finding the parachutes.

“So,” I said quietly once Stella and I had relative privacy again. “You’re sure pretending to be my girlfriend is actually your least painful option? Remember, I can’t make my brothers go away.”

She sighed and sank into her seat. “No. Every time Cade opens his mouth, I’m not even sure living on this planet is my least painful option anymore. Maybe I can convince Jalen to open that door after all.”

“All joking aside, Cade is kind of funny, once you get used to him.”