Anyone But Rich (Anyone But..., #1)(11)

“Yes. It’s almost inconceivable,” I agreed. “They might think I liked her. Worse, they could even speculate that I loved her.”

Stella elbowed me hard in the ribs. I needed the jab of pain as a reminder. What the hell was I trying to accomplish here, anyway? Even if Kira didn’t hate my guts, she was probably the one woman on earth I had absolutely no chance of winning over. The look on her face at the school had told me as much. There were burned bridges, and there were burned bridges over rivers that had run dry, and then there was Kira and I.

“We’re throwing a party tomorrow night,” my mother said. If it was possible, she tilted her chin even higher. “I expect you and Stella to make an appearance. Many influential friends of ours will be there, and it’s important for you to show everyone you’re still committed to Stella even after all the turmoil of uprooting the family and moving back here. Especially after your ill-advised stunt at the school.”

“Of course I’ll be there. I’d never miss an opportunity to spend time with my family,” I said.

My father clearly read the danger dripping from my words, if his bulging eyes were any indication, but my mother just nodded importantly.

“It goes without saying that you will not invite this local girl to the party. Yes?”

“I understand that would make you very unhappy. Yes,” I said.

Stella turned her head a fraction of an inch to glance at me, and I knew she could sense where my thoughts were going.





Chapter 5





KIRA


“Whoa,” Iris said.

There was already a steady morning hum of conversation at Bradley’s. The smell of fresh coffee and bagels was doing wonderful things in my nostrils. I should have been feeling relieved to have my first day as a teacher behind me. I’d survived, even if it was with a few bumps and bruises.

Instead, I was watching Iris and Miranda run their hands over the invitation as if it were a letter from Hogwarts that had just propelled itself from the fireplace in a puff of pink smoke.

“The lettering is even engraved,” Miranda noted. “Not cheap, at least as far as invitations go.”

“This part seems handwritten,” Iris said, tapping where my name was added to the typed invitation in flowing cursive letters.

“Is that coming from your extensive knowledge of crime scene investigation?” I asked.

Iris chuckled. “It’s coming from the fact that it seems handwritten. Just look at it. Fonts don’t work like that. See? The letters don’t even line up perfectly at the bottom. And this little jagged part here is where they slipped.”

“Still way fancier than my handwriting,” I said.

“If you put a pen between a monkey’s teeth and asked it to sign its name while violently masturbating, that would be fancier than your handwriting too,” Iris said.

“Jesus.” I laughed. “That’s part of your problem. Masturbating monkeys shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary bank when you’re trying to make analogies. It’s not normal.”

“Violently masturbating monkeys, at that,” Miranda said.

“Don’t look at me like that. I was at the zoo a few days ago. I watched the bonobos for like two minutes, and in that time I saw sex, betrayal, bribery, a monkey eating its own puke, and yes, even violent masturbation.”

“Bribery?” Miranda asked. “I’m pretty sure monkeys don’t understand the concept.”

“Well, actually . . .” I started, and I cringed when I saw the looks they were both giving me. “Oh, come on. I have a good one this time. Let me use some of the useless knowledge I gained while getting my degree in sociology. Please?”

Miranda and Iris looked at one another, collectively sighed, and then Iris motioned for me to go on.

“I was just going to say they did an experiment where they gave monkeys a vending machine that accepted these coins. Monkeys could get things like bananas from the vending machine if they had the coins. And guess what happened once the monkeys grasped the concept?”

“Bribery?” Iris asked in a bored voice.

“Even better. Prostitution. Assault. All kinds of crimes we normally thought were uniquely human. Turned out, it’s not being human that makes us suck. It’s money.”

Miranda laughed. “I get it now. You’re just trying to convince yourself to stay away from the King brothers by any means necessary. I’m impressed. You even brought a relevant monkey story into it. That was subtle, but I’m not fooled.”

“Ugh,” I said. “Trust me. Richard King showed up yesterday for my first day and—”

Iris slapped her palms on the table, eyes wide. “What do you think this is, some fucking radio show where you bury the lede to sucker people into listening all day?” She pegged me with a rolled-up napkin. “I saw you yesterday. I pulled you over for old times’ sake, and you didn’t think that would be something I’d find interesting? We’re here puzzling over why he’d invite you to this party, and you didn’t think of mentioning that until now?”

I wrapped my hands around my cup, wishing I could sink into the liquid for a few minutes. “Okay, first of all? Pulling me over for old times’ sake got old the first time. You are taking years off my life with that crap. Second of all—” I pursed my lips and swung my hand around in the air, searching for something that didn’t sound like the lame excuse it would be. “I thought we should all be here. To hear it,” I added quickly.