And the Rest Is History(15)

The gun swung my way. At the same time, Matthew caught sight of me and smiled. The gun was pointing straight at me.

I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting for the sound of the gunshot that would end my life. The last sound I would ever hear.

Nothing happened. I opened my eyes again.

He smiled at me. He actually smiled at me. ‘No. Not today, Maxwell. I promised I’d make you suffer. Today is just Day One. Get used to it.’

He swung the gun towards Helen and fired.

A small black circle appeared over one eye. She stood for one moment, blank faced and then she crumpled to the ground.

Sound came back into the world. Matthew jumped at the noise of the shot fired only inches from his ear. He screamed in fear and began to cry. Tears of terror ran down his little face. He held his arms out to me. Just as he always did whenever he saw me. He held his little arms out to me. For me to save him. And I let him down.

I couldn’t move. The most important moment of my life and I couldn’t move. Couldn’t cry out. Couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t save Helen, for whom it was already too late. Couldn’t save Matthew. Useless, pathetic Maxwell.

The slam of a door and the sudden sharp smell of cordite brought me back. He’d gone out the fire door. I was blocking the only exit from Sick Bay so it had to have been the fire door.

The sound of the slamming door broke the spell. Now, suddenly, I could move. I had to raise the alarm. I opened my com and for a moment, nothing happened. The most important message of my life and I couldn’t barely utter even a word. I took a deep breath, leaned against the wall for support, and desperately tried not to gabble.

‘This is Maxwell. Code Red. Code Red. Code Red.’

I didn’t recognise my own voice.

I stopped for another breath.

‘Intruder alert. Clive Ronan is here. He’s…’

My throat closed. I swallowed hard and forced myself on. ‘He’s taken Matthew from Sick Bay. He’s outside. Lock everything down. Cover all exits. I repeat – he’s got Matthew. Medics to Sick Bay. Man down.’

And then I was moving. He had twenty, maybe thirty seconds start on me.

A lifetime for Matthew.

I burst through the fire door, travelling far too fast for my own safety, slipping on the metal steps, and rolling from top to bottom. I landed, sprawling, on the gravel.

I heaved myself to my feet, looking wildly around. No one was in sight anywhere. I could hear shouting in the distance but I didn’t stop.

I ran. I ran all around the outside of the building, screaming for Matthew all the time. I ran along the terrace, around the building, through the car park, past the Staff Block, past the Library windows, around Hawking and back to where I’d started.

No Ronan. No Matthew. Convinced I’d missed them somewhere, I set off again. People shouted to me as I ran past but I ignored them. Catching Ronan and getting Matthew back were more important than anything else in the whole world.

And then I thought he might be hiding. I ran in and out of the shrubbery, thrusting bushes and branches aside, scratching my face badly. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere.

And then I thought – stupid Maxwell. He’s doubled back inside. He’ll hide until the coast is clear and then make his escape.

I crashed in through the front door. There were people everywhere.

Someone said, ‘Max…’

I saw Mrs Enderby, white and frightened. She was crying. I ran straight past her. No time to lose. I had to find Matthew.

They said afterwards that I went berserk. I wrenched open door after door. I tossed things all over the place. I pulled stuff off shelves. God knows why. Some of it fell on top of me. I had no method. I searched the same areas twice and some not at all. I ran into walls. I hurt myself and never noticed. I was frenzied. Beyond panic. Beyond reason. Not thinking at all. No one tried to stop me. I’m not sure anyone could have. I would have killed them.

Matthew held out his arms to me. That’s all I remember. There must be other memories hiding in there somewhere, but that’s all I ever remember. Matthew holding his arms out to me as that bastard Ronan stole him away and I never saw my baby again.





I have no idea for how long I was lost to the world. I might even now still be tearing around St Mary’s, frightening everyone around me if I hadn’t blindly collided with something warm and solid. Someone put his arms around me, holding me close, and Leon’s voice said quietly, ‘Max. Stop. You must stop. You’re hurting yourself. Be still. Please, just … be … still.’

I struggled, but he held me tightly, his face close to mine, saying, ‘Hush, now. Be still. Be still,’ over and over again, until I suddenly realised that I was exhausted. My legs trembled. I could barely stand up. I hurt all over. My heart was hammering fit to burst. I honestly thought I might die.

He held me for a lifetime as slowly, very slowly, everything subsided within me. I laid my head on his chest and clutched at him as if my life depended upon it. The sounds of St Mary’s receded and there were only the two of us in the whole world.

He broke the spell first, saying softly, ‘Look at me, Max. Look at me.’

I lifted my head to look around me.

It was dark. All the lights were on. When had that happened? Where had the time gone?

He looked terrible. Ten years older. Grey-faced. Haggard. His own eyes red-rimmed and swollen. I put my hand to his face. He turned his head and kissed my palm.