Always(Time for Love Book 4)(31)

Ash watched as Darren sped off, his mind whirling. Interminable minutes later, things were a bit clearer. That Brenna had opened up to Darren about her feelings meant something: she and Darren still had a very strong connection. Was Ash really getting in the way of Brenna finding her true happiness?

His heart pounded painfully. There was a time a few years ago when Brenna had told people that Darren was her great love. Was that still true? Would it always be true?

Through a jumble of memories and future imaginings, he made up his mind. The decision was easy, even though the mere thought of it hurt like hell. He loved Brenna so much that he’d always do what was best for her. Even if it meant cutting his heart from out of his chest.

*****

“Hi, honey.”

Ash steeled himself as Brenna reached up to kiss him hello, trying not give in to the need to crush her against him and kiss her until the ache in his heart disappeared. He knew that would be a short-term effect, and it would only make things harder for them both.

“How was your meeting last night?” Brenna asked.

“It went well,” he mumbled, spotting the fresh bunch of flowers on her table.

“They’re from Patty,” Brenna explained. “That was why Darren was here earlier—to deliver them on behalf of his mother.”

Ash smiled, appreciating the fact that Brenna was trying to make him feel better yet again. “Bren,” he said softly, taking her hand and leading her to the sofa.

They sat down and he could see a question in her eyes.

“How’s Patty?” he asked.

“Physically, not too well. But mentally and emotionally, much, much better. It’s really helping that she thinks Darren and I are back together, Ash.”

He nodded his understanding.

“You’re not upset anymore?” she asked.

He took a deep breath, unable to hide his emotions.

“Ash, you have nothing to worry about,” Brenna said fervently.

He took her hand and stroked it with his thumb. “I know there’s nothing going on between the two of you, but I can’t help but think something could develop again, given your history and the situation you find yourselves in,” he admitted.

“Nothing will develop again.”

“I admire what you’re doing for Patty, Bren,” he said gently. “And I understand why you feel you have to do it. You’re helping her, and that’s good. But how long are you likely to continue with this?”

Brenna shrugged. “I haven’t thought about that, to be honest.”

“It could be months before she gets a transplant,” he pointed out.

Brenna sniffed. “I know. This is so hard for me, Ash. And I know it’s not easy for you either.”

“Is it hard for you because you’re lying to Patty?” he queried.

“No, it’s not that. I’m at peace with that, and so is Darren. It’s hard for me because I know you get upset, even if you do understand why I’m doing it.”

He sighed. Was there really no other way? “Are there other things you can do for Patty than pretend you’re back with her son?”

Brenna shook her head. “It’s the very thought of me and Darren together that’s cheering her up, Ash.”

“Can you visit her without Darren? And still make her believe the two of you are dating?” he suggested.

“I don’t think that’s gonna work. She’d wonder why she never sees us together. And then she’d worry.”

“How often do you plan to visit her?”

Brenna bit her lip. “I promised to see her at least once a week. And she expects that Darren and I will visit her together.”

Ash inhaled sharply. At least once a week of Brenna and Darren pretending to be a couple? Hell.

“How’s Darren coping with all of this?” he asked.

“He tries his best, but he’s also emotionally fragile. He needs my support, Ash. I have to be there for him, too. But I know you don’t want me spending too much time with Darren. I can understand that, but I don’t know what to do,” she said, her face a picture of despair.

He nodded. He’d fight for Brenna until all the blood had been drained out of his body—but not if being with him would only cause her more pain and confusion.

His heart throbbed painfully. He didn’t want to say what he was about to say, but he couldn’t see any other way around this.

“Bren, there’s a big part of me that would never stop getting upset and worried about you and Darren acting like a couple. At the same time, there’s a part of me that knows I shouldn’t stop you from doing this for Patty’s sake.” He squeezed her hand tightly. “I think the best way to handle this is for us is to break up,” he said, his voice cracking.

Brenna gasped. “What?”

“It’ll be easier for the both of us, Bren,” he whispered, gulping to hold back his emotions. “I don’t want you going around worrying about both Patty and me. That would be putting too much stress on you. And I’m afraid that if we’re together, I’d always make you anxious because I won’t be able to help being jealous about you and Darren. If we’re not together, it would be easier for me to manage it—because there would be none of the expectations and obligations that come with us being in a relationship.”