All the Feels (Spoiler Alert #2)(101)

“I know that too, sweetheart.” Snorting softly, she kissed the crown of his head. “Believe me, I know.”

THE AIRLINE AGENT at the check-in counter cringed when she processed Alex’s ID and saw which flight he was on. Or, rather, which flight he would not be on.

“I’m so sorry, sir.” She handed back his driver’s license. “Passengers have to check in at least thirty minutes before departure.”

He sighed. “Then I’ll take a first-class ticket on the next available flight to LAX, if there’s still an open seat.”

Between his tear-choked, long-overdue conversation with his mom and his impulsive plans later that morning, he’d run absurdly late the entire day. Which wasn’t a huge surprise, since time management had always been difficult for him, but he normally had his virtual PA to keep him on schedule. Or, in recent months, Wren.

Where was she? What was she doing?

Did she miss him?

Fuck, he hurt. His heart and his arm and his bloodshot eyes and everywhere.

Still, he offered the check-in agent a tired smile when she found him a ticket, and one relatively enormous credit card purchase later, he was going through security and walking to the business lounge. Along the way, his carry-on rolling smoothly at his side, he checked his phone.

His mother had sent a new text. Great visit, sweetheart. Love you. Don’t forget what we talked about, or else I’ll have to ground you. Safe travels. Then, minutes later: Thanks for letting me be your mom again. I missed that. ?

His lips tilted, and he blinked against the prickle in his sinuses.

Love you too, Mom, he wrote back, pausing at the side of the concourse. I won’t forget. Less atoning, more thinking. ???

He’d been thinking all afternoon, as a matter of fact.

Instead of scattering his thoughts, the pain had focused them.

If he wasn’t irredeemably selfish, if he didn’t need to atone, if he didn’t have to prove his love through heedless self-sacrifice, then his path forward was clear. Finally, finally clear. No matter what did or didn’t happen with Lauren.

He unblocked his agent and sent another text before he could change his mind.

Zach: I’m accepting the StreamUs offer, albeit with certain demands we can discuss tomorrow. He hesitated, but kept thumbing. That said, this is our last deal together. Although I appreciate all you’ve done for me, it’s time for us both to move on. Thanks.

Because if he wasn’t a terrible person, if he could believe both his mother and Wren when they said he was a good man, he deserved an agent who respected him, even when he was annoying. Which he would be. Often.

Maybe Francine, Marcus’s agent, wouldn’t mind that so much.

After another few gates, the business lounge entrance came into view. As he entered the quiet, expansive space, he began a text asking his best friend for Francine’s contact information, and his phone’s battery died three words into the message.

He dropped his bag onto the first available seat and rifled through its contents, but where the hell his charger had gone, he couldn’t say. He could buy or borrow another, of course, but … he could handle being offline for a few hours. It might even do him some good.

Leaving his bag in the chair, he slid his cell into his pocket and claimed a plate at the end of the buffet. Then another, when he couldn’t fit everything he wanted on the first. After a moment’s thought, he ladled out a bowlful of yogurt too, because he was hungry and his stomach hurt.

He hadn’t been eating enough at breakfast. Not for a long time, except with Wren.

His ADHD sometimes made remembering things like that difficult, but he’d had years of targeted therapy to help him deal with similar issues. The disorder might have been a contributing factor in his negligence, but it wasn’t the root cause.

He understood that now.

Wren or no Wren, he would take more care in the future, because he hadn’t earned that pain. He hadn’t. No matter what had happened to his mother. No matter what had happened on the show.

Wren had told him that. His mom had told him that.

And he was finally ready to believe them.





30


MUCH TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING, LAUREN WOKE TO someone leaning on her doorbell.

Alex, she thought wildly, the relief hitting her brain like a narcotic. Alex is here to—

But no. He’d let her go almost a week ago, and there had been no texts or phone calls or visits from him since. Not one.

Throwing back the covers, she knuckled away her tears and summoned her new mantra.

“I did the right thing,” she repeated for the millionth time, then forced herself to shuffle to the apartment’s entrance. “I did the right thing.”

She didn’t even bother to check the peephole before flipping the deadbolt and opening the door, because it wasn’t him, and if it wasn’t him, she didn’t care. Whoever it was, she’d send them away so she could be alone in her misery once more. Even if it was Sionna, whom she’d somehow managed to successfully avoid for six entire days now.

Only that was a lie, because as soon as she actually saw her best friend on her doorstep, she bent at the waist and burst into uncontrollable sobs and stumbled into Sionna’s arms.

An indeterminate amount of time later, she surfaced enough from her haze of desolation to notice they were sitting on the couch now. Lauren hiccupped and blew her nose with tissues that had miraculously appeared in her lap, Sionna’s hand gentle on her back.