All That You Leave Behind: A Memoir(63)

I walked down the path deeper into the park and saw the peak from far off. Not knowing the proper etiquette, I climbed on top of the snow-covered glacier and took out a carefully folded piece of paper from my pocket. I read it out loud.





I try to say “I love you” every day to him. Just in case he is in a place quiet enough to hear it. The skeptic in me doubts that he listens, but still I do it. I don’t have concrete evidence that life exists beyond death, but I know I felt connected to him that day. I felt small and large all at once on the frozen wave. The glacier moves so slowly that the movement is impossible to register.





THINGS I LEARNED FROM DAVID CARR: A LIST


Listen when you enter a room.

Don’t buy into your myth.

Don’t be the first one to talk, but if you do talk first, say something smart.

Speak and then stop; don’t stutter or mumble; be strong in what you have to say.

Be defiant.

You have to work the phones. Call people. Don’t rely on emails.

Ask questions but ask the right questions.

Ask people what mistakes they’ve made so you can get their shortcuts.

Know when enough is enough.

Make eye contact with as many people as possible.

Don’t be in shitty relationships because you are tired of being alone.

Be grateful for the things you have in this life. You are lucky.

Practice patience even though it’s one of the hardest things to master.

Failure is a part of the process, maybe the most important part.

Alcohol is not a necessary component of life.

Street hotdogs are not your friend.

Remind yourself that nobody said this would be easy.

If more negative things come out of your mouth than positive, then Houston, we have a problem.

We contain multitudes.

Always love (See band: Nada Surf).

Have a dance move and don’t be afraid to rock it.

Don’t go home just because you are tired.

Don’t take credit for work that is not yours. If your boss does this, take note.

Be generous with praise and be specific in that praise: “That line was killer.”

Cats are terrible; they poop in your house.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Do the next right thing.

Our dogs are us. Only cuter.

And finally:

You are loved and you belong to me, the world, and

yourself.





BOOKS I READ WHILE WRITING THIS BOOK


The Night of the Gun: A Reporter Investigates the Darkest Story of His Life—His Own by David Carr The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

The Gilded Razor: A Memoir by Sam Lansky

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King Weird in a World That’s Not: A Career Guide for Misfits, F*ckups, and Failures by Jennifer Romolini Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir by Beth Kephart The Men in My Life: A Memoir of Love and Art in 1950s Manhattan by Patricia Bosworth Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay

Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir by Lisa F. Smith How to Murder Your Life: A Memoir by Cat Marnell

Kids These Days: Human Capital and the Making of Millennials by Malcolm Harris You Don’t Look Your Age…and Other Fairy Tales by Sheila Nevins The Long Goodbye: A Memoir by Meghan O’Rourke

M Train by Patti Smith

Ninety Days: A Memoir of Recovery by Bill Clegg

Five Men Who Broke My Heart: A Memoir by Susan Shapiro

It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny Purmort Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune by Bill Dedman and Paul Clark Newell, Jr.

Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West

Talking as Fast as I Can: From “Gilmore Girls” to “Gilmore Girls” (And Everything in Between) by Lauren Graham Down City: A Daughter’s Story of Love, Memory, and Murder by Leah Carroll Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth We Are Never Meeting in Real Life: Essays by Samantha Irby Mental: Lithium, Love, and Losing My Mind by Jaime Lowe





To my father, David Michael Carr, a ping-pong, dumpling, typing enthusiast who instilled curiosity in me above all else.


To my girl gang: Jill, Meagan, Madeline.

Look how far we’ve come.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS





I could not and would not have written this without you, Dad. Your work, emails, and Gchats have sustained me and will continue to do so.

To my smart, sharp, and yet so kind editor, Pamela Cannon: You saw something in that Medium piece that started this journey. I learned so much from working on this with you. I think my dad would have liked your edits.

I need to do a heartfelt and perhaps-too-loud clap for the instantly winning and charming Meg Thompson. You made me believe I could do this, and it was your early line edits that got me through. An additional heartfelt thank-you to Kiele Raymond at Thompson Literary Agency who helped in countless ways. Thank you for your time and thoughtfulness regarding this manuscript.

To Jill: I love you.

To Maddie: There is no one like you.

To Meagan: This book was written for you. We have had quite a life.