All That She Can See(71)

‘Because it’s a cop-out, Chase! It might get rid of the feelings but it’ll deaden the rest of your emotions too, and you’ll be less of a person. You can’t help how you feel, but you can choose how you treat other people as a result. You are in control of that. If you want to stop being an arsehole, you work on not being an arsehole! But if you want to stop feeling frustrated with the world and cynical towards every kind-hearted person you meet, then talk your problems away! Find a friend, a professional, someone you can confide in. You don’t let some experimental scientists, who don’t know what they’re doing, come at the fabric of your soul with a fucking knife and turn you into a robot! NOW GET UP AND HELP ME!’ Cherry yanked his arm and he slid towards her a fraction, his resistance still putting up a fight.

‘Chase…’

‘I’m staying, Cherry. I don’t want to be the owner of them any more.’

‘Can’t you see all the good there is, too?’

‘Everything good has gone,’ Chase said miserably.

Cherry looked at his Meddlums and at her Loneliness, then over at the mirror. ‘No, it hasn’t. They’re controlling what we see! Don’t you understand? It’s the lenses! They’re filtering out everything good you’ve got going for you so they can trick you into thinking you only have bad feelings. They need you. If they get rid of every bad thing you feel it’ll be easier to manipulate you. I don’t know what for. I can’t figure out why any of this is happening but I just know you’ll be playing into their hands!’

‘I just… want to be better. I want to be good enough.’

‘Oh, Chase,’ she whispered. ‘This doesn’t make you better. It makes you… a coward.’ Her voice faltered on the final word. She didn’t want to say it but she had to make him see sense.

‘A coward? How the hell does wanting those monsters gone make me a coward?’

‘Because this is easier! You can’t even accept your own flaws. You can’t just work on them and make yourself a better person by learning how to live with them. You just want them gone, never to be seen again – but that’s not a solution, Chase.’ Chase’s eyes darted briefly to his Meddlums but his face contorted and he lowered his eyes to the floor, not able to stand the sight of them. Cherry tried again, ‘Imagine never getting frustrated again? Imagine having someone treat you like shit and you have no choice but to stand there and accept it because Frustration doesn’t know how to latch itself onto you any more. And… and if you’re never cynical of anything ever again you’re just going to trust everyone, including all the people you shouldn’t trust. That protective instinct will be gone. And Chase… it would kill me to never hear that mischief in your voice again. To know I’d never see that playful, cheeky smile again… it breaks my heart.’ Cherry laughed through her tears. She hadn’t even realised she’d started crying. ‘And I wouldn’t wish that heartbreak away, either! Because it means I care about you and even if I have to leave here with heartbreak instead of you, I’ll just be glad to that we met and that you changed me.’ Tears caught in the corners of her lips. They tasted of Sorrow.

‘Are you coming?’ Cherry stood over him and Loneliness joined her side. Chase shook his head but didn’t look up at her. ‘Then I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry? For what?’

‘For not letting you get what you want.’ Cherry looked up at Loneliness and nodded. Loneliness ran to the wall opposite the mirror and began rubbing its back against it. It cracked its neck. ‘You see,’ Cherry said, ‘they’ve made a slight mistake in all of this. It’s quite dangerous to make a Meddlum real so it’s not limited to its owner.’ Loneliness started panting. ‘Especially one that’s as big as Loneliness. Especially one with incredibly sharp claws and three rows of teeth, I believe?’ She looked at Loneliness and it grinned, showing every pointed tooth it could. ‘And it’s especially dangerous to make one real who belongs to someone so desperate never to be lonely again that she will do whatever it takes to save you, Chase.’

Loneliness howled and pushed off from the wall, launching itself into the mirror. It shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces and revealed four men in white coats on the other side. Loneliness was sprawled over three of them, and the fourth was reaching for the phone when Loneliness bit his leg, pulled him to the ground and head-butted him so hard he passed out.

‘Chase. I swear to you we will get rid of your Meddlums together but right now it’s time to GO!’

Chase looked at Cherry then and like a bolt, he knew he couldn’t leave her. What was the point of anything if she wasn’t with him? He took the hand she held out for him and squeezed it. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to be free.’

‘You will be free,’ Cherry said. ‘I promise. But we have to go. Come on!’

They jumped through the hole where the mirror used to be into the next room, Mischief, Cynicism and Frustration tumbling after them. Chase grabbed a key card from the pocket of one of the unconscious men and used it to open the main door.

‘LONELINESS!’ Cherry called as the door was closing behind them, the red strings tightening and pulling at her arms. Loneliness’s hand stopped the door from shutting fully. It pushed it open and ran after Cherry, Chase and the rest of the Meddlums.