All Grown Up(44)

Val let out a nervous laugh, and I took a drink from my own glass to cool off. After that, our always-easy conversation felt off. We talked about my week in the city and what she’d been doing while I was gone, but it felt first-date awkward now and not like me and Val. I hoped I hadn’t actually upset her with what I’d said.

By the time we’d finished our appetizers, I needed to say something.

“Did I…take it too far with what I said earlier about the lipstick? I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Val wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin. “No. You didn’t upset me. You were being a perfect gentleman. I asked you what you’d been thinking about.”

“Then is something bothering you? It feels like something changed after I made that comment.”

Val looked back and forth between my eyes and swallowed. “It’s me. Not you.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m…nervous…about…you know.”

My brows furrowed. “What?”

She looked around and then leaned in and lowered her voice. “Sex.”

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t…it’s been…I was married for…” She shook her head. “I’ve only ever had sex with Ryan.”

Oh wow. I had no idea. But of course that made sense. She’d been with him since high school.

I tried to make light of it, calm her nerves. “I’m sure it hasn’t changed much. Candlewax dripping, riding crops, all four holes.”

Her eyes widened. “Four? What are the four?”

I laughed. “Relax. I’m kidding.” I shook my head. “Nothing has to happen until you’re ready. So stop thinking about it. You really need to stop overthinking everything and just take things as they come.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Things felt more relaxed after that. The waiter brought our dinner, and we fell back into our usual, comfortable conversation.

“How are things going between you and Bella?”

“She wasn’t around when I got home today, so I still haven’t seen her since that night. I texted her to check in while I was gone, but I only got one-word answers in response. Fine. Yes. No. Okay. Pretty sure she wanted to add fuck you to the end of each of them, but managed to restrain herself. I don’t get it. She does something wrong, and then she acts pissed off at me, like I’m to blame.”

“She’s deflecting. If she’s pissed off at you, she doesn’t have to look inward. But Bella’s a smart girl. She knows she was wrong.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sure you were no angel in college.”

“That’s the problem. I remember what I was doing at her age.”

Valentina smiled. “I skipped over the years of partying. I pretty much went from playing with dolls to having a real live one.”

After dinner, Val excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. While she was gone, I went over to the piano player and made a request. I guess he hadn’t had many because by the time she came back, he’d started to play my song: “Lady in Red.”

I stood. “Dance with me?”

“I’d love to. But I have two left feet, so I’m not responsible for any injuries.”

Even though it felt completely foreign to take a woman out on a date and ask her to slow dance, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to hold Valentina close. We walked out to the dance floor, and I wrapped her tightly in my arms. She had one hand on my shoulder and the other clasped with mine.

“Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?”

“You did. I believe it was while you were looking down my dress.”

“I can’t help myself. I’m just so unbelievably attracted to you.”

She blushed. “Thank you. The feeling is mutual.”

I felt light—not just on my feet, but in my chest and in my mind. If someone had asked me a few months ago if I’d felt like I was in a dark place, I would have thought they were crazy. But we can adjust to almost anything—we start to be able to see in the darkness after a while, find comfort in it, even.

Val tucked her head into my chest, and we glided around the dance floor. It might’ve been the first time I was grateful my mother had forced me to learn how to dance. I felt content, swaying with this woman in my arms.

I knew Val needed to go slow, and even though I hadn’t had sex in a while, that was perfectly fine for me—this feeling was all I needed from her right now.

***

Bella’s car was parked in the driveway when we pulled up. She must’ve gotten off work early. “Do you mind if we check on Bella?”

“No, of course not. But…I’m dressed up. Maybe I should go change first?”

I shrugged. “It’ll just take a minute. She might not even be up.”

Val hesitated but eventually nodded. My sister was on the couch when we walked in, staring at the television. She looked back and forth between us and scowled at me.

“Hi, Val.”

“Hi.”

I shook my head. “You’re going to give me an attitude? Yeah, that makes sense. I was definitely in the wrong for driving to the Hamptons and bailing your ass out of jail. And I should never have stopped a half-a-dozen times so you could puke your brains out. Not to mention, checking in on you all night to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit. But sure, be pissed at me.”