Again, But Better(46)

He blinks. “Um, I actually made some plans with the guys down the hall. We’re going to Bath today and staying till tomorrow, but—good luck, that sounds great.”

An uncomfortable sinking feeling fills my gut. “Oh, okay, wow, um, have fun.” I spin around, bolt into my room, scurry up the bunk, and lie on my bed clutching Horcrux Nine and City of Glass.

That was weird; he was weird.


1/30/11 2:17 a.m.

Pilot left for a trip to Bath today … why didn’t he tell any of us about it? I mean, yes, I guess he’s not obligated to tell me about his life. But he didn’t invite me. Or any of us.

I hate that this is hurting my feelings.

Babe, Sahra, and I are going to explore the city together tomorrow which should be fun.

I got a text from first-kiss Rugby Guy asking if I’d go out with him this coming Wednesday. I didn’t know how to say no nicely, so I panicked and told him I’ll be in Germany.

I can’t get to sleep. The day I landed here in London—it felt like my life lit up with a thousand strands of fairy lights. I’ve been walking around all aglow for the last few weeks, but with Pilot edging away, a bunch of the strands are going out. Blergh.





19. Drifting



“What’s this I hear about you havin’ a boyfriend?” Dad opens.

I got back from Monday class a couple hours ago and have been nervously anticipating this Skype call ever since—it’s our first since I started the internship.

I shift against the wall in my bunk. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“That’s not what I heard from Leo.”

“Well, Leo’s an ass.”

“What’s wrong with you? I’m just askin’ a question!”

“Come on, Shane, don’t talk about your cousin that way,” Mom chides.

I harrumph.

Mom changes the subject. “Tell us about work!” She grins at the webcam. “What did you wear? Who are you working with?”

“I’m working at an urgent care office, and I’m shadowing the receptionist right now, her name’s Wendy, and my roommate Sahra works in the same building at the pediatrics office there.” I pull up a forced smile.

Mom beams. “Wow, Shane, that’s great! You know I’m proud of you, right? I’m so proud of you! I just…” She trails off, putting a hand to her heart. “And that’s so nice that you have Sahra there. Do you two get to take lunch together?”

My heart hurts. “Yeah.”

“You learnin’ a lot?” Dad asks.

I nod vigorously. “Yeah! I’ve already been exposed to all sorts of medical issues and emergency situations.”

Mom’s eyebrows shoot up with curiosity. “Any particularly interesting ones you want to share?”

“Um, no, I mean, well—”

Dad conveniently interrupts me with a new question. He’ll never admit it aloud, but he’s squeamish. We sign off a few minutes later. I feel like I just swallowed a cup of mud. I want to tell them about Packed! I want to tell them how great the writing course is going, that I got another A on an assignment in class today. I love the way they look at me when they hear I’m doing well—the way my dad smiles and my mom’s voice wobbles because any heightened emotion brings her to the brink of tears. I like being their perfect daughter.

It’s inevitable that they find out I lied about all this, but I need it to be after the semester’s over. Once I’ve sorted things out. Dad’s good at being proud. He’s good at providing, protecting, playing games. But he’s not good at being angry. It swallows him up. He goes into sleep mode and someone else takes the helm. I’ve experienced as much when the cousins and I have broken things by accident, or when I haven’t attended to a chore fast enough. Mom and I make Bruce Banner jokes after the fact, but there’s nothing funny about it in the moment.

But it’s going to be okay when I come back to them with a job. He can’t be too mad if I get a job. I close my laptop. Through the window wall, I can see my flatmates in the kitchen, engaging in various stages of dinner. I climb down to join them.

I flop onto the leather couch, not wanting to crowd the cooking area where Babe and Atticus move about chopping things. Sahra and Pilot are eating at the table.

“How’d Skype with the parents go?” Babe calls from the counter as Atticus wraps up the story he was telling when I walked in.

“Fine.” I smile.

“Any change in status with Friday night Rugby Guy?” Atticus asks in a silly this-is-scandalous tone.

“Who?” Babe exclaims, spinning around.

I swallow. It takes all my willpower not to glance at Pilot. I stare at Atticus. “Um, he texted me last night. How was your date with Man Bun?”

“You missed it. I was just telling everyone how great it was!”

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!” I smile.

“Shane, who’s this Friday night Rugby Guy?” Babe puts down the knife she’s been chopping vegetables with and crosses her arms.

I glance at Pilot. He’s pushing microwaved lasagna around with his fork. I open my mouth and close it wordlessly.

“Shane made out with some Lawyer Guy at the club on Friday,” Sahra says casually.