Addicted After All (Addicted #3)(111)

I wait for Connor to banter back and ease the tension. Like he always does. But he stares off at the rug, not even looking in my direction.

“Come on, it was a joke,” I say dryly, my ribs binding around my lungs.

Connor suddenly rises to his feet, visibly upset. And he’s trying hard to hide it, avoiding everyone’s gazes. “You’ll have to excuse me for a second,” he says softly, sidestepping past the armrest.

“Connor,” I say before he leaves. I feel sick. Like I might puke. “It was a joke.” I think if I emphasize this, he’ll forgive me.

He doesn’t turn back.

Not once.

I watch him walk out the parlor door. Vanishing from sight.





{ 42 }

LOREN HALE



I glance at the doorway for the fifth time. I really thought I’d never be able to upset Connor. That no matter what I’d say, what I’d do, he’d always be my friend. I rub my lips, not able to even stomach the idea of losing him over a f*cking comment I made.

Lily slides off my lap. She cups her hands around my ear. “Just go,” she whispers, encouraging me to talk to him. Should I though?

I’ve never had a real guy friend until Connor. Pathetic, sure. But I didn’t grow up with bros or teammates and sports. I had Lily. And the friends I have now, I can count on my hand. Hurting them means something different to me.

This pushes me over. I rise from the couch.

I stop on my way out, just to look at Rose. I don’t want to make things worse. She gives me a single nod in confirmation, like I’m doing the right thing here.

Okay…

In five seconds flat, I’m out the door. He’s not on the patio. Or in the kitchen. And he didn’t head to the bathroom. I pass the library, the last room. I want to check there before I head upstairs. The wooden door creaks as I open it, and then I silently curse myself for not looking here sooner.

It’s a goddamn library. Of course he’d be here.

Bookshelves line every wall, top and bottom floors, sliding ladders accompany them. No windows. This room has always been for show. I can’t remember a time when I’d seen anyone in here. Except maybe hide-and-go-seek when we were little. Lily always tried to wedge behind a bookshelf. It freaked me out when I got older, thinking it’d fall on her or something.

It’s weird now, seeing a person in this room. Actually perusing the shelves and removing a dusted hardback from its permanent position.

Connor’s back is turned to me, but I’m sure he heard me shut the door.

I step forward, thinking he’ll spin around.

He doesn’t.

He blows off the dust and flips through the crisp pages.

A lump lodges in my throat, and I clear it with a cough. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Rose is looking for you,” I lie. My breath cages as I wait for him to speak. It’s in this moment that I know how much I value our friendship. And how it’s not invulnerable like I hoped.

“If she was looking for me, she’d be here instead of you.” He shelves the book and chooses another. I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off. “I’m not in the mood to talk with you, Lo.”

I can’t hold back. “It was a joke, Connor,” I snap, on the defensive. “I didn’t mean it like you think I did.” Did I, though? I can’t exactly tell. Something black is crawling out of me. Slowly. Eking like tar.

He returns the hardback and rotates to face me, stuffing his hands in his pockets. I’m overly aware of how fragile I am in his presence. And I f*cking hate it right now. He lets nothing cross his face. Nothing that makes me feel stronger and better.

I just feel like a f*cking idiot. No. Screw this. “You can’t get upset over one f*cking joke,” I sneer, pain in my voice. I wish it wasn’t there. So goddamn apparent. Part of me wants to forget about this. And just move on. The other part knows I brought it up for a reason.

“It’s not a joke to me,” he says flatly.

I let out a weak laugh. “Right.”

Connor looks incensed for once, his chest rising and falling heavily. His blue eyes narrowing at me.

“Am I poking the robot?” I ask him with a bitter, painful smile. “Do you feel something, huh?” I extend my arms. “I’m your f*cking liability. You should’ve known this day was going to come.” And everything just explodes in my body. Words my father said. Why would Connor keep me around? To manipulate me? All so he could get closer to Rose? I have no clue, and it’s ripping through me. To think that I could’ve—

“I carried you in my arms,” he suddenly says, his eyes bloodshot. “That day you relapsed was the worst night of my life.” He points at the ground. “It’s not a joke to me.”

I have no memory of it—I blacked out. I choke out another laugh, only this one hurts a million times worse. “Great. I’m glad we have that worked out.” I have nothing else to say. Honestly, I’d like to down Maker’s Mark.

“Lo…” He attaches nothing else to my name. I can’t read his mind, so I turn around, expecting him to leave it at that. But as I head to the door, he runs after me.

Connor catches my arm and spins me around. “Lo, wait.” I’ve never seen his eyes this red before.

“I get it,” I tell him. He carried me while I was passed out, and he was freaked.