A Ruin of Roses (Deliciously Dark Fairytales #1)(72)

He grinned as Hannon moved to the other side and waited for me.

“You will go sit at the right hand of the goddess when you die, Hannon,” Nyfain said as I got up to help. Invisible pins and needles stabbed my leg. “You deserve the highest honor in death for dealing with a sister like that all your life.”

“Apparently you’re feeling better,” I grumbled as Hannon and I turned him over and propped him up.

“How do you feel?” Hannon asked, turning nurse again. “Has the pain receded?”

“A bit. It is biting deep into my bones, but it is no longer throbbing. Small miracles.”

“Do you need more elixir?” I asked, taking the cup from Hannon. Nyfain’s clumsy hand came up to take it, and I batted it away. “You’ll end up spilling it. You’re an invalid—act that way.”

His lips tweaked upward. “Yes, ma’am.”

He drank the contents, spilling the last bit out the corner of his mouth.

“That’s enough for now,” Hannon said softly.

I put the cup on the ground, and we turned Nyfain back over. He let out a ragged cough and gripped the pillow, but settled down, his face still angled to look at me.

“I’m in the next room if you need me,” Hannon said, holding out his hand.

I deposited the cup into his waiting palm. He nodded and made his way out the door.

“What will he do with it?” Nyfain asked, coughing a little more and then groaning.

“With what, the cup?” I got a weak nod. “Wash it. There’s another up there. When that one is clean, he’ll bring back the first. He’s really big on cleanliness when it comes to nursing people.”

“As he should. You two do make a good team.”

“Yeah. We were raised in hard times, with very few people to lean on.”

“No, no more elixir for now. I could use some of your power, though.”

I prodded my animal, and a wave of power washed through me and into Nyfain. When it washed back, we caught it in confusion, and it diffused through my middle and sank down deep. I sucked in a startled breath. It felt like I was still connected to Nyfain through the power, or maybe magic. Or maybe just our animals, I didn’t know. And while I couldn’t specifically feel him, I could feel his essence. His imposing presence taking root deep inside of me. It was something I should probably be annoyed about, or worried about maybe, but right now I just wanted him whole again. The kingdom needed him. I’d deal with the repercussions when he was well.

I sighed and slunk down next to him.

“You should get a haircut,” I said, laying my head on my arm this time as I twirled his hair with my fingers.

“I haven’t cared about my appearance in a really long time. There has been no one to impress. No one I wanted to impress, at any rate.”

“Well, thank you very little.” I laughed softly. “I had a boyfriend once, and a couple of times I tried to dress up. I wanted to feel sexy and turn him on.”

“What happened?”

“He got really weird about it. He said he didn’t want to take me out around people looking like that. I wasn’t exposed or anything. I didn’t understand his problem. He came clean when he dumped me. He apparently thought that I’d flaunted my appearance to make him look lesser. Like he didn’t deserve me. I guess he wanted me to kneel so he could stand taller. I was heartbroken at the time, so I didn’t punch him for that as I ought to have…”

“Why would he look lesser for dating someone more attractive than him? I’d think other men would be clapping him on the back in congratulations.”

“I don’t know. I can only assume it had something to do with Jedrek, this dickface in the village. He wants to mate me mostly because of my appearance, I think. He’s likely been thinking about this for a while. I bet he spread rumors or picked on my ex. Men’s egos are so fragile. No offense.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten far if I took offense every time someone spoke the truth.”

I laughed, trailing my fingers down his cheek. “That whole ‘pretty’ thing annoys me. Everyone’s one and only compliment to me has always been about my appearance. It’s all I get to be.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m so much more than my appearance. We all are. I’m as well read as I can be in this village. I’m smart and strong and good at problem solving. I have courage—mostly. I’ve created various healing remedies people use, not to mention the one that keeps their family members alive. But I only get praise for being pretty. It feels like, in this village, if you’re beautiful, you’ve reached the highest level of achievement for a woman—something none of us can control. Something given to me and that I didn’t work for or have any choice in. And if you aren’t perceived as beautiful, or if you don’t play up your beauty, you’re constantly told ways to fix yourself to look better—hair, makeup, clothes, whatever. As if we somehow need fixing because someone else doesn’t like us the way we are. As if we should care what others think over what we think of ourselves. It’s bullshit.”

He didn’t respond. I heaved out a sigh.

“I want to be known for what I do, not how I look. I want to be praised for my achievements. But in this village, I feel like all I am is pretty and full of flaws. I just… I just want something more, I guess.”