A Ruin of Roses (Deliciously Dark Fairytales #1)(29)

“Yeah, pretty much. But there haven’t been any deaths in a while. We’ve all pretty much got things under control. If someone is good at their job, like your lady’s maid, they have some serious kinks that the demons like exploring. Since I am afraid of the more serious kinks, I’ve got being terrible at butlering down to an art.” He ran his hand down his lapel.

“Yes, you do,” I said to play along, grinning. He had a way of making a person feel better about their shitty situation. I really needed that right now.

“And you…” He did a once-over on my outfit. “You have already taken that note, it seems. Good work. You’re still pretty, don’t get me wrong, but this…clothing and the…dirt on your face really detract from your appearance. What is your hair even doing?”

I hadn’t even thought about washing up. My life was upside down, and it hadn’t occurred to me to do any of the basic things I did in a normal day. Since I wasn’t in the habit of looking at mirrors anyway… Well, I guessed it could only help me in this castle. Bully for me.

“Did you literally punch yourself in the face, too?” he asked. “There are other ways to detract from your appearance than self-violence. Trust me. Do you think I like this hideous mustache? And this bow pulling back my too-long hair—you think I’m enjoying this look?” He lifted his eyebrows.

I erupted in giggles again. The mustache definitely detracted from his handsome face. The thing was comical, as were the outfit and the large bow holding his shoulder-length black hair at his nape.

“No, no self-violence. I thought it might be fun to cry myself to sleep last night.”

“Ah. Well, it could be worse. You could’ve woken up with your head in a toilet, a purple costume gathered around your knees, and zero recollection of how you got there.”

“Thank you for the cautionary tale.”

When we reached the second floor, he pointed to the left, and we headed through a grand room out of a picture book. It was gorgeous, with large red curtains draping the massive windows, golden trimming, and cream walls playing host to oil paintings. Large chandeliers hung down from above, all the candles within burned nubs. I wondered if they burned those down every night or had just never replaced them. I wasn’t sure how many demons loitered in this place at night. I was a little afraid to find out.

“Where do the demons sleep during the day?” I asked. In the village, they all retreated to a house they’d taken over at the far end of town. They hunkered down in darkened rooms, waiting for the daylight to disappear. The sun didn’t kill them like it did vampires, but it sapped their power. Only the very powerful walked around during the day.

“They are in the dungeons. Nasty fuckers. Why choose to lie low in such a vile place, you know? Then again, I guess they can shut themselves in. Maybe they’re worried one of us will try to drag them into the sun and kill them all. Who knows. Not like the master would let us.”

A man walking in the opposite direction slowed when he saw me. He beamed and waved before ripping his floppy hat off his head and holding it to this chest.

“Oh, go fuck a donkey, Liron,” Hadriel called, waving the man away. “Don’t draw attention to her.”

“Eat my ass,” Liron said with a snarl before smiling at me and bowing.

After we passed him, Hadriel murmured, “That guy fucks up every single threesome you try to get started. He literally does not know where to put his dick. He just walks around parties with his cock in his hand. He’d be creepy if he ever did more than look on with that dumb expression on his face.”

“I can hear you,” Liron yelled in a shrill voice, now continuing down the hall.

“Like it matters,” Hadriel called back. He rolled his eyes. “Clearly nothing wrong with his hearing. If you ever find yourself in an intimate situation with that guy, watch your arsehole. Because that guy will cornhole you. He will fucking cornhole you! All the ladies say so. One time I was giving head, and he just randomly walked up and tried to stick me in the ass. Only he missed and fell over me. Like—who does that, you know?”

My mouth had dropped open. I needed those pearls. I needed something to clutch. This was starting to get a little crazy.

He must’ve noticed, because he waved it away. “It’s fine. You won’t be out at night, anyway. If someone tried to fuck you, the master would probably rip his dick off and feed it to him.”

“Is this how all of you talk?”

He laughed. “Oh, love, aren’t you cute?” He looked skyward. “Remember when I thought talking like this was gross? Neither do I. Boy are you in for a world of crazy. This place is frozen in time with a bunch of single adults. Pregnancy doesn’t exist—not in the castle. Only the master can impregnate a woman, and then only his true mate. That’s it. The curse has shut everything else down. Add in the demons and their sex magic and endless quantities of alcohol, and that, my love, is a recipe for bad decisions and disaster. Dis-aster! The demons have steered this ship. Anyone who tries to turn the tide lands themselves in an accident that they don’t walk away from. We’re adrift. Only the master has been able to avoid all the sex stuff, and that’s because he has a will of iron. Of absolute iron. I don’t know how he does it. The rest of us… Well, this is our life. Welcome to it.”

“You keep getting darker and darker.”