A Ruin of Roses (Deliciously Dark Fairytales #1)(28)

“Breathe through it,” I coached myself, pulling in a deep breath through my nose and exhaling slowly. “Breathe.”

Pain twisted in my gut the longer I resisted. I ignored it. Shut it off. I’d been hurt plenty—if it wasn’t life-threatening, I could shove it aside.

“Did you say something, doll?” Hadriel poked his head in the doorway, his eyes bloodshot and his face haggard.

“Nope, nothing,” I said through a tight jaw, the unanswered command making me feel like my hair was being torn off and my eyes scraped out. The presence within clawed against my ribcage.

Still, I persisted, suppressing that animal. Handling the pain.

“How do you feel?” I asked. “Amazing?”

He wasn’t a friend—for all I knew, he could be an enemy—but you couldn’t get a greeting like he’d given me last night and feel like a stranger.

“I do not feel amazing, no,” he answered, leaning against the doorframe and rubbing a hand down his face. “My mouth tastes like someone shat in it, and my head is ab-solutely pounding. I’m miserable. And while I am miserable, the master has decided he needs to make matters worse and have me take you to the west garden field. Dealing with him is adding a little more misery to my day. We need to hurry.”

“I’m not going.”

“Yeah, except if you don’t go, I will be the one who’s punished gruesomely. So I will have to beg you to please, please have pity on your poor, humble butler Hadriel and accompany him to the west garden field.”

“Do you always talk about yourself in the third person?”

“Only when it’s a dire situation and I cannot think in a rational manner. This is an emergency, love. My goal of the day is not shitting myself. If he punishes me for not following orders, I will definitely shit myself, and then everyone will make fun of me for, like, five years or something. This is essential. Please. I will do anything.”

He held his stomach as he said all of this with a straight face, and I couldn’t stop chuckling.

“It’s not funny,” he said with a little quirk to his lips. “Do you have any idea how much I drank last night? That mead is not good for one’s stomach, and then I had a greasy breakfast. I only did those things because I thought I would be inside all day today with nothing but a puzzle to do. Now I have to venture out into a high-stress situation away from the privy and a washbasin. I’m not able for this, my darling. These are my professional pants. I don’t want to ruin them. I need you to do this for me.”

I laughed harder; I couldn’t help it. The situation was just so absurd.

“I’d really rather not,” I managed.

“Please. I cannot handle his wrath normally, and I certainly cannot handle it today. I’ll do anything.”

My head had started to throb. If I gave in, I’d be owed a favor. It was a good excuse to end this excruciating torment.

“Fine,” I said, sounding put out. I had to play the part, after all.

He sagged in relief. “I had you pegged as the stubborn, unrelenting type. Which, let’s be honest, I absolutely love. There is nothing like a snarky jackass to color the day. I can’t take the women who always get their feelings hurt and then act passive-aggressive about it. Who has the time? But just for today, I need you pliant, yes? Just work with me today. Be your badass bitch self after today.”

Still laughing, I said, “You’ve convinced me.”

“Oh, thank the goddess and her lubed-up men. Okay, here we go. Step lively. The master is already pissed off for some reason. It doesn’t take much usually, but this is ridiculous. Who shat on his breakfast, you know?”

“The same person who shat in your mouth?”

“Don’t joke about that. Worse things have happened in this place, and I’d rather they didn’t happen to me.”

I took in his outfit. Dark gray slacks and a gray jacket with a black velvet lapel.

“I’m missing the fuzzy purple beast—”

He held up a finger. “Don’t say it.”

“I loved the stuffed purple—”

“Don’t you dare keep going. I woke up with my head in the toilet and my pants around my knees. I would say that was an all-time low, but sadly, it isn’t even close.”

“Dark.”

“Tell me about it.”

“And this is your…butler ensemble?”

He looked down his front, then farther until he could see his pressed velvet slippers, two shades lighter than the gray slacks. “Yes. I’m going for a modern look. I think I picked the wrong shoes, though. Otherwise, I am definitely selling the vibe, wouldn’t you agree? I mean, when was the last time I had to properly butler? I don’t even know how to do this fucking job. I was a stable hand before this. I only stepped up into this gig because everyone else was afraid of getting killed. If we ever get out of this, it’ll be a great work history builder, you know what I’m saying?” He held up a finger as we walked down the stairs. “The important thing is mediocrity. Remember that. If you stay mediocre and mostly uninterested in helping the castle flourish, the demons won’t treat you to an ‘accident.’”

Anger burned through me. “They just randomly kill anyone who does a good job around here?”