A Necessary Sin (The Sin Trilogy, #1)(62)

“Blame it on me. Tell him I told you not to because I want him to get his rest. I’ll try tomorrow if I’m able to get away.”

I end the call before I completely lose it. By saying that, I don’t mean I just cry. I go nuts—cussing at the top of my lungs, kicking the couch, throwing myself onto the sofa and screaming into the cushion.

I feel strong arms circle me from behind and I’m pressed into the couch. “Stop fighting me.” It’s Sinclair’s voice next to my ear. “It’s okay, Bonny. It’s me. I’m the only one here with you. No one else.” My body relaxes, as does his.

He presses his lips to the bare skin of my back above my nightgown. “It’s just us—only me and you.”

“I’m sorry,” I cry. “So sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He gets up and I twist around. He sits on the sofa and pulls me onto his lap, looping his arm around my waist. “Tell me about it.”

I shrug. “Tell you what?” I ask, aware that it isn’t going to fly with him but it gives me a minute to think of a lie.

“What—or who—forces you to always be on the defensive, ready to fight without a moment’s notice?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I lie.

“Come on, Bleu. We’re beyond this.”

“Beyond what?”

“Lies.” He rubs his hand up and down my arm before kissing my shoulder. “You can always tell me the truth. Don’t you know that by now?”

I can’t. The truth will get me killed.

Sin’s left me no choice. He’s asking for an explanation about my constant defensive behavior and I have to say something. “I was attacked by a man when I was younger. I fought him off but I’ve never been able to put it behind me. It triggered something inside. I’ve had an irrational fear of being held down, among other things, since it happened.”

“Who did this to you? I’ll hunt him to the ends of the earth and choke the life out of him.” I almost believe he would, if it were anyone other than his own father.

“He was a neighbor,” I lie. “He died years ago.”

“Yet his aftermath lives on.” He puts his arms around me and I rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m happy you feel comfortable enough to share this with me. Thank you.”

I don’t reply because I’m not sure what to say.

“What triggered the episode you were having when I came in?”

How do I explain my come-apart so I don’t look like a total head case? Think. Think. Think. “I woke up and realized you were gone without saying goodbye. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t so I came to lie on the sofa. I must’ve dozed off because I was in the middle of a horrid nightmare when I awoke to your voice with you lying on top of my back.”

“Your peaceful sleep didn’t last long … but then it rarely does.” Just like that, he believes me. It seems a little too easy.

I extinguish one fire but another breaks out when I realize I don’t know where the burner phone landed during my fit of rage.

I wiggle in Sin’s lap so I can inconspicuously take a look around. It’s on the floor next to our feet. Shit. How am I going to keep him from seeing it?

A distraction—sex. It’s my only hope.

I run my nose up the length of his neck until my mouth is at his ear. “I’m peaceful when you’re lying next to me.” I lace my fingers through the hair at his nape. “And on top of me.” I suck his lobe into my mouth. “So … maybe you should take me back to bed and make me feel … safe.”

“Hmm.” He moves his hand up my leg until it reaches the crotch of my panties. “Maybe I will.”

I leave his lap and tug on his hands so he’ll stand with me. “Please?” I loop my arms over his shoulders and pull him in for a kiss while finding the phone with my foot and slowly pushing it beneath the sofa.

“This isn’t the reason I came home.”

“Then consider it an added bonus.”



* * *



I must be more careful. If Sin had come home two minutes earlier, he might have heard me on the phone with Ellison. That could’ve been disastrous.

“We need to talk about something.” Good news never follows someone saying that.

“Ahh … hence your reason for coming back?” I ask.

“Aye.” He pushes into a sitting position with his back against the headboard. “I met with my mother this morning.”

“Oh.” How odd. He rarely has anything to do with her. “How did that come about?”

“I asked her to join me. I needed to discuss something personal and she’s the only person I felt I could confide in,” he explains.

“I see.” He chose to talk to a woman he hardly knows rather than me. That seems a setback for where I thought our relationship was.

He reaches out to stroke my hand and smiles. “It was about you, so I couldn’t very well ask you to meet me to discuss you.”

“What made me the topic of conversation?”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you about something.”

“That’s no shocker.” Laughter erupts from my mouth before I think to turn it off. “I’m sorry but you do remember that I’m aware of who and what you are?”