A Necessary Sin (The Sin Trilogy, #1)(25)

I sprint into the ladies’ room and go inside a stall to experience the panic attack I feel approaching. It’s the same as always. I’m short of breath. My heart is racing. My chest hurts. I’d believe I was dying if I didn’t understand what was happening.

I work to slow my breathing. “You’re fine, Bleu.”

A hot flash begins and I use my hands to frantically fan myself. “Calm down. Breathe.”

It lasts several minutes before subsiding. I’m lucky this time. My attacks are often debilitating, lasting at least twenty minutes.

When it’s over, I leave the stall and dab my neck with cool, wet cloths. I feel like my old self so I reapply lipstick and return to Sin. “I’m ready if you are.”



* * *



I’ve previously familiarized myself with Sin’s residence, as well as my escape plan should things go awry. Instead of using the drive to get my bearings, I spend the time psyching myself up.

I realize I’m repetitively popping my knuckles when Sin places his hand on top of mine. “Relax.”

I’m afraid he’ll see the fear behind my eyes or hear it in my voice, so I smile but say nothing.

Sterling pulls through the gated entrance and parks the car in front of a series of weathered stone buildings. Each structure is three levels high. The windows are gorgeous, surrounded by ornate designs, but I can’t appreciate their beauty. I’m too nervous.

“That’ll be all for now, Sterling.”

We enter and Sin barely shuts the door before pulling me into his arms. He’s silent as he searches my face.

“What are you looking at?”

He pushes my hair over my shoulder. “I do believe you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

More romance. That’s unexpected. “You say pretty things like this to all the girls?”

“Never. Just like I’ve never brought a woman to my house, yet here you are, waiting for me to make love to you in my bed—two more things I’ve never done.”

I’ve procrastinated long enough. It’s show time.

I glide my finger down his tie. “Take me to your bed. We’ve waited long enough.”

He clasps my hand in his and kisses my knuckles before leading me through his flat. “You’ll get the full tour tomorrow.”

Oh. That means I’m staying the night. I sort of expected to be taken back to my flat when this was over, maybe even hoped. “I didn’t bring an overnight bag.”

“Don’t need one for what we’re doing.”

He takes me into his bedroom. No matter how many times I enter one of Edinburgh’s beautiful, old buildings, I’m always surprised by its modern décor.

His room is masculine with hard lines. There’s nothing soft or romantic about it. Not that I’m into that kind of thing or would expect him to be.

We stand in the middle of the room. I think he’s giving me time to survey my surroundings and maybe even waiting for me to say something. So I do. “This is nice.”

“Nice?”

I shrug. What does he want me to say? “Pretty doesn’t seem like the right word.”

“Nice works.”

He places his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me close. “This way is new to me, Bleu. I’ve never been with a woman for any other reason than to please myself, so you may have to guide me. Tell me what you like and want.”

What the hell? I’m in no position to guide anyone.

I only nod in agreement.

He brushes his lips over mine softly and slowly. It’s the kiss of two people preparing to make love. I think.

It’s nice. His slow pace is helping me relax.

He pulls downward on the zipper at the back of my dress and chills erupt all over my body. I tense when he grasps the top and tugs it from my shoulders. His mouth moves down my neck and he kisses the bare skin there. “Is this good for you?”

His question sparks a thought I’ve not considered. He’s f*cked numerous women but this is his first time to make love as well. He’s as uncertain and lost as I am.

“Yes. Quite.”

He pushes my dress down until it falls to the floor and then steps away to look at me. I feel self-conscious. I’ve never stood in front of a man wearing only my panties and bra. It’s nothing like wearing a bikini and my instinct is to cover myself with my hands. “You’re f*cking gorgeous.”

I’m surprised at how pleased I am to know he finds me attractive. “I’m happy you think so.”

He puts his finger under the strap of my bra and glides it down. “I’ve been imagining black lace beneath that black dress all night but I’m really enjoying the sight of you in white. It makes you look innocent.”

It’s fitting for a virgin to wear white. “There are more surprises to come.”

He grins and his dimples make an appearance. Those are a sign of happiness, right?

I pull the knot of his tie until it’s free and drop it to the floor. I unbutton his shirt until it’s completely open and push it away as I glide my hands up his shoulders and chest.

I step away so I can admire him fully. His body is flawless, contoured in all the right places down to that perfect V at his waist.

My eyes pause at the underside of his bicep when I find an intricate inked Celtic pattern. The artwork is breathtaking with a design composed of complex mazes, knots, and labyrinths. “My God, this is beautiful.”