A Kingdom of Venom and Vows (Stars and Shadows #3)(53)

She blinked her eyes closed as another tear streaked down her cheek. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth there, letting my lips taste her sadness, and my hands tightened against her.

“When I was young, I was so confused about who I was supposed to love.”

“What?” She blinked up at me with confusion clouding her beautiful eyes.

“I loved my mother so much, but then she told me of the prophecy. I knew very early on that I was going to be a pawn in this game of kingdoms, and she made me hate my father. Before I even knew him, I hated the man.”

She laid her head against my chest, relaxing into me as she watched me with rapt attention. It made my heart hammer in my chest because this wasn’t something I talked about with anyone, but I wanted to share it with her.

I wanted to share everything with her.

“When my father came for me, I was prepared. I knew the day would come when he would rip me away from my mother, and I tried my hardest to hold on to that anger when he took me back to the fae kingdom. I was only fifteen years old.” I adjusted in the bed, lying down until she rested on top of me completely.

I put one arm behind my head, resting it there while the other held on to her. The weight of her body brought such comfort to me. It bled into my skin, coaxing every memory out of me, and she sighed against my chest.

“What happened?” Her fingers ran over the base of my neck, slowly moving back and forth, and I stared up at the ceiling.

“When I got there, I expected this ruthless king that I had been told of, but he was just my father. Here was the man I didn’t know that I had spent years missing out on, and even though I had been taught that he was the enemy, he was my father.”

I felt her eyes glance up at me as I spoke.

“And for a long time, that was the only way I could see him. He slowly erased the things my mother had told me about him, and he made me question this kingdom, my kingdom. I was their pawn, but I no longer knew what team I played for.”

“What changed?” She reached up, running her fingers over my jaw, and I caught her hand in mine, bringing it to my mouth. I pressed a kiss there, remembering what I have.

“He would tell me the worst things about my mother. He and Queen Kaida both would.”

She shivered as I said the queen’s name, but I kept going.

“It wasn’t until I saw how cruel Queen Kaida was that I realized they had been trying to mold me into exactly what they wanted. I worked my way through the ranks of the guards just like my father had wanted me to, and with every day of training, my head became clearer. By the time I made captain, I had become her personal soldier for her agenda.”

I swallowed hard as I tried to block out the memories of everything she had made me do over the years, of all the men I had killed in her name.

“I had been doing her work for decades when you were born. When I took your father, when I saw him fight to the death to save his daughter, I knew that my mother had been right. Queen Kaida heard of your birth within days of your parents having you, and she watched you always. When your father refused to promise your hand to her son, the mask she held on to so easily crumbled, and I saw so clearly who she was for the first time.”

“And your father?”

“He calls himself a king, but he’s nothing more than another one of her puppets. He does exactly as he’s told, and she’s so manipulative that most of the time he doesn’t even see it happening.”

I lifted her hand to my face and pressed my lips once again to her palm. “But the blood you have on your hands, princess, it was justified. Mine?” I held them out in front of her. “Mine are stained with so many innocent lives. So many that should have never been taken. All because of her.”

“I’m sorry, Evren.” She settled in closer to me as if our bodies could mold together.

“Don’t be.” I cupped her face in my hand and stared down at her. “When you took the queen’s life, you did it for you, for everything she had taken, but I can’t tell you how breath rolled into my lungs at watching her fall. She had caused me so much pain in my lifetime, and it was at my mate’s hands that she fell.”

“She’ll never hurt us again,” she whispered and pressed her lips to my mouth softly.

“She’ll never hurt anyone again, princess. And I will do everything in my power to make sure her son is to never hurt you again either.”

Her eyes shuddered, and I hated that he still had so much control over her.

“I have failed you; I am still failing you, but I will spend the rest of my life trying not to fail you again.”

“You didn’t fail me.” She shook her head, but she was wrong. She was so damn wrong.

“I have done nothing but fail you, princess. I failed you when I broke your trust. I failed you when I let you go with my brother, and I failed you again when I allowed him to get so close to you that he was able to lay your mother on our doorstep.”

“Stop,” she whispered and gripped me tighter. “Please, stop.”

“I don’t deserve you, princess, but I will also never let you go. I am not strong enough to let you go.”

It was the truth. Even though I knew she was probably better off far away from me, I would never be strong enough to let that happen.

“I don’t want you to.” Her chest heaved, and I could see her trying to rein in her emotions. “There is no one else I want at my side. No one else I want.”