A Good Marriage(124)

My throat felt tight. “You know, you’re not the only one who’s made mistakes.”

Sam turned to look at me. “What do you mean?”

The full story about my dad was too much to explain in that moment, and there was so much I hadn’t decided—how much I owed my dad, how much I owed myself. But I had no doubt anymore that a lie of omission was a lie all the same. And I wasn’t lying anymore, not to anyone.

I shook my head. “It’s not something about us. It’s about my family, but it’s something you have a right to know. That you had a right to know, from the start. Especially because it’s been with us this whole time. It’ll keep, though, I promise. What matters now is that you get better. You need to focus on that,” I said. “Just know that I’m not perfect either. I never have been.”

We were quiet once more.

“Do you think if I do this, if I can do this, it’ll be enough?” Sam asked.

For us to make it, he meant. And so I searched his eyes for a future neither of us could possibly see. Then I did the only thing that felt right: I leaned forward and kissed him. And I told him the truth.

“I hope so.”





Acknowledgments





My deepest gratitude to my extremely wise and insightful editor, Jennifer Barth. Thank you for understanding immediately what this book was supposed to be. I will be forever grateful for your keen editorial perspective, remarkable tenacity, and tireless commitment that got it all the way there. I’m lucky to have had the privilege to work with you.

Thank you to the brilliant Jonathan Burnham and the generous Doug Jones for your continued support and dedication—I’m thrilled to call Harper my home. Thank you to everyone in the marketing, publicity, sales, and library departments for all your unsung efforts on my behalf. A special shout-out to my publicity and marketing dynamic duo: Leslie Cohen and Katie O’Callaghan. Ladies, you are rock stars. Thanks also to Sarah Ried for your assistance, and to production editor Lydia Weaver, copy editor Miranda Ottewell, and the rest of the Harper managing editorial team for working so hard to turn this idea of mine into a real live book. A special thank-you to Robin Bilardello for such a gorgeous cover.

To my genius agent, Dorian Karchmar—thank you, for so many things. Most especially, for understanding me and my work intuitively, then constantly striving to make every sentence—which you could surely now recite from memory—as good as it could possibly be. I am extremely fortunate to have such a superbly gifted creative partner. Thank you to my marvelous film agent, Anna DeRoy, for your astute observations and unflagging commitment. Thanks also to Matilda Forbes Watson and James Munro. And to Alex Kane and everyone else at WME: I’m grateful for your hard work.

To my kick-ass lawyer and dear friend, Victoria Cook, thank you for your shrewd advice and the years of love. Thanks also to the wonderful Mark Merriman. Thank you, Hannah Wood, for your sage comments and for always being there to lend a hand. And to Katherine Faw for saving the day—and me—repeatedly.

Sincerest thanks to tenacious and kind criminal defense attorney Eric Franz, who patiently gave so much of himself throughout the writing of this book, answering endless questions, letting me attend hearings, and never making me feel like a bother—even when I couldn’t find my car registration at Rikers. Eric, your dedication and skills are truly remarkable, which is why I will definitely be calling you should I ever get arrested. Thanks also to Aviva Franz, who made me feel like family, and Gulnora Tali, who made me feel like part of the team.

Thank you to Allyson Meierhans, former Bronx County Assistant District Attorney, for going through the manuscript with a fine-tooth comb, then gently pointing out my many missteps. Your advice was invaluable. To William “Billy” McNeely, who was also kind enough to read large parts of this manuscript and answer emails and have long phone calls—thank you for helping me get the details right. There would have been no substitute for your wisdom.

To these other outstanding experts and incredibly generous humans who so patiently answered my occasionally stupid, often randomly specific questions, or who found me someone who could: I am indebted to all of you—David Fischer, Andrew Gallo, Dr. Tara Galovski, Hallie Levin, Teresa Maloney, Dr. Theo Manschreck, Brendan McGuire, Daniel Rodriguez, Professor Linda C. Rourke, David Schumacher, and Ron Stanilus.

Thank you to Marco Ricci, Jim Hoppin, and Beowulf Sheehan for sharing your creative gifts.

Boundless love to Megan Crane, Heather Frattone, Nicole Kear, Tara Pometti, and Motoko Rich—your excellence as early readers is surpassed only by your fabulous friendship. I’d like to say I won’t be asking any of you lovelies to read another early draft, but that would be a lie. A most special thank-you to the wonderful, warm, and always generous Elena Evangelo for your kind help. Thank you to Nike Arrowolo—there would be no words here at all were it not for your warmth and hard work.

Thank you to my family and many dear friends who are always so supportive: it means more to me than you will ever know. A special thank-you to Martin and Clare Prentice for all you have done.

Thank you, Emerson, for your patience, and for being such a wonderful example of what it means to be fierce. And thank you, Harper, for amazing me daily with your brilliance and your beauty. I live in awe of both of you.

And to Tony: thank you for absolutely everything else.