#famous(67)

bowling.

I bit my lip to keep the stupid, angry tears from spilling out of my eyes. I could put on a show too.





chapter forty-six


KYLE

THURSDAY, 1:03 P.M.

It was already three minutes into passing time before fifth hour and she wasn’t here. Where was she? I tapped my foot against the floor, trying not to stare at her empty desk. Ollie: pretending not to watch me. Me: pretending not to notice.

Finally Rachel walked through the door. Her hair was the only thing I could see over people’s heads. Annika Parker and Eleanor Chang called her name. She turned to them, smiling pleasantly.

She still hadn’t looked at me.

They were talking at her rapidly, and Rachel was nodding. Whenever she spoke her hands moved through the air, weaving words together in front of her.

Cam Eaton yelled something at the three of them, and Rachel smirked and shot something back. I couldn’t hear what she said; everyone in the room was talking. Cam grabbed at his chest theatrically, and made ridiculous googly eyes at Rachel.

Class was going to start any second. I looked at Ollie. He was drawing something on the cover of his notebook, but he glanced at Rachel every few seconds, then at me.

Maybe he thought he could keep me from liking her with the force of his eyes.

I walked up to the group. Rachel didn’t look over, she seemed absorbed in something Eleanor was saying.

“Hey, Rachel.”

She turned. She seemed surprised.

“Oh, hey, Kyle.” She smiled and turned back to Eleanor.

“I wanted to say, about last night—”

“You watched too, right?” Eleanor turned toward me, eyes wide. “Wait, were you there? Do you film all these together?” I shook my head no. “Oh. Well then, we’ll both be surprised! Oh my god, I hope they pick a good dress. One of the not-slutty ones.”

Rachel’s smile looked mischievous, but she didn’t say anything.

“I haven’t even seen the segment. Rachel was supposed to watch with me, but something came up.” I tried to catch Rachel’s eye. “Rachel, can I—”

“Oh my god. Are you guys, like, a real couple now? Because that is so. Cute.” Eleanor’s eyes flitted between us, like we were competing puppy videos or something.

“Well, it’s comp—”

“No, we’re not,” Rachel said, smile never faltering. “Just friends. I’m gonna go settle in—El, Annika, find me after class?”

“Um, totally.”

Since when did Rachel want to see Eleanor and Annika? They seemed like the kind of people she went to dingy bowling alleys specifically to avoid. But she was walking away, waving at them and grinning hard. I followed, leaning over her shoulder to whisper in her ear.

“Hey, sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up in front of other people.”

She set her bag on the floor and turned to me, face totally blank.

“Shouldn’t have brought what up?”

Rachel’s expression didn’t move at all. It was like trying to figure out what a brick wall was thinking.

“Last night. I know I canceled kinda last minute, and—”

“It’s fine. Stuff comes up.” Rachel sat down and leaned over to look through her messenger bag.

“If you want to rain check tonight, I DVRed it.”

“That’s nice, but actually I’m busy. A few girls were gonna help me pick shoes now that I have a dress. I texted Mary, and she said the show isn’t going to run a segment on that. Plus, I watched it already with Mo.”

“Oh. Okay.”

She looked up at me, same bland smile pasted on. It was like she’d pulled curtains over her eyes. That smile: a locked door. And I didn’t know what words were the key.

“I’ve gotta get ready for class.” Rachel gestured at the pile of papers she’d dug out.

“Sure, yeah, totally.” I leaned back and forth from one foot to the other, feeling awkward. “We’re cool, though?”

“Of course,” Rachel said. “Still friends.”

“Oh. Uh, cool.” I took a couple steps back. “Catch you later.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Friends.

Oof.

The next day I filmed a tux-fitting segment. Somehow they managed to find a burger-themed tux, a fry-box outfit, and Burger Barn orange everything to force me into. I sent Rachel pictures. She just replied with “haha” every time.

Over the weekend they took Rachel to a salon to do crazy things with her hair and makeup. Flit: loved her hair. That’s where I found a teaser picture. On her feed.

I’d text her, and she’d always text back. But nothing ever, like, real. It was like I was running up a hill and never reaching the top.

And as the dance got closer, and people got more excited about the show coming to our school, Rachel just got farther away. Every day more girls from school would be around her, asking about Laura, about what she was wearing, about when we’d film next. It made it impossible to ever talk. I couldn’t help but notice more guys started hanging off her too. Which made it impossible to focus on whoever I was talking to, or really anything but the red color taking over my field of vision.

Every day that went by I felt more and more annoyed. With her, with the show, with everyone. This was not what was supposed to happen. This whole thing was supposed to be fun.