You Only Love Twice (Masters and Mercenaries #8)(97)

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Phoebe asked.

Jesse’s jaw went stubborn. “I don’t have to answer to the Agency. I answer to Ian Taggart. We’ll see what he says. I suppose you’ll be on that plane.”

What did he expect her to do? “I would think you of all people would understand the chain of command, Jesse. I was ordered by my superior officer to return to base.”

He stared for a moment as though he could imprint his will on her. “You can choose. You don’t have to work for them. This isn’t Ten telling you what to do. This is someone with an obvious agenda. They are working against our mission.”

“Those people you’re talking about run the CIA.”

“Oh, and there’s never been corruption there. Now who’s being na?ve, Phoebe? You want to be on that plane, I don’t think I can stop you. Erin, go talk to Kamdar. Explain what’s going on. We still need his cooperation in order to continue.”

Erin nodded and like the good little soldier she was, trotted off to do his bidding.

“They can’t stay,” Theo said, his eyes widening when he realized what was going on. “They don’t have any backup. They don’t have anyone who can help them out if they get into trouble. If they get arrested, the government won’t do a damn thing about it. She can’t stay here.”

Phoebe kept her eyes on Jesse. “He has a point.”

Jesse shrugged. “I never expected the government to help me out anyway. What I do have is Ian Taggart, and I assure you he won’t leave my ass in a prison for months and months. We’re not the Agency. We don’t take our time or wait for the right political situation. We don’t leave our men behind.”

His words hit her squarely in the gut.

He’d been left behind. In essence, she’d left them both there, Jamie to die and Jesse to be tortured.

“We looked. Do you think we didn’t look for you?” The question came out on a shaky breath as every one of her insecurities bubbled to the surface. All the guilt she’d started to toss out settled over her again.

Jesse took a step toward her. “I’m talking about the present, Phoebe. Not the past. You are so damn caught up in the past, I should have known what you would think.”

She turned and walked away. She couldn’t have this argument with him. Not when she was leaving and he seemed determined to destroy himself. It struck her quite forcibly that she could lose another man she loved to that animal because Jesse couldn’t think straight about this. He couldn’t control himself. Last night had proven it. He needed to step back and let Ten handle it.

Did she just think that word? Did she put that word into her head? Love? She couldn’t love him. She couldn’t save him. Hell, she hadn’t saved Jamie. She didn’t even deserve a chance with Jesse. She just didn’t.

“Hey, Phoebe. Stop.” Jesse followed her into the hallway.

She couldn’t face him. Her carefully constructed walls were rotting at her feet. She was the reason Jesse was here now. If she’d been better at her job, he would likely be back in Dallas, going on with his life.

She killed the men she loved.

Her chest was far too tight as she opened and closed the door to the bedroom. She needed time. The lock clicked into place and she looked down at the way her hands were shaking. She was caught. Trapped, just like when she’d been a kid and she knew something was wrong but she couldn’t do anything. No one wanted to hear her cry. It made things worse. She needed to cry, but it was stuck inside. Everything was ending. She was losing Jesse and maybe her job, and she might cost Ten his. She wanted to wail and punch and fight and all she could do was try to drag a breath in.

“Phoebe?”

She couldn’t right now. She stayed silent. He would get the hint. Maybe in an hour or so she would be able to face him with some hint of dignity.

How could she walk away from him? How could she f*cking not?

“Baby, I need you to step back,” Jesse said. “Do it. Now.”

The door came crashing open and there he was, rebalancing himself after kicking the damn door in. His shoulders were squared and his jaw formed a hard line as he stepped inside.

“What did you do?”

A stern look lit his face as he walked in and shut the door as best he could. “I told you. No more doors between us.”

“There’s going to be a couple thousand miles between us by tomorrow. You planning on kicking their asses, too?” He wanted to be the tough guy? She could do that, too. She’d practically written the book on how to bury what she was feeling deep.

So why was her every emotion simmering right under the surface?

“Stay with me.”

She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t watch him put himself in the Caliph’s orbit again. “Come with me.”

His eyes held a steely will as he towered over her. “Marry me and I will.”

“What?”

He stepped forward, getting into her space. “I meant what I said. Marry me and I’ll follow you. Marry me and I’ll quit if that’s what you want. I’ll find another job. Hell, I’ll try college or something.”

She stared up at him, not quite sure she’d heard him correctly. “You love your job.”

His hand came out, his fingers brushing across her cheek. “I love you more, Phoebe. So give me a reason to walk out of here with you. I’ll pack us up and we can sleep at the airport. I’ll be the first one on the plane.”