You Only Love Twice (Masters and Mercenaries #8)(112)

She couldn’t stand listening to them as they discovered absolutely nothing. Every trail seemed to come up cold.

“Or have you just gone ahead and hanged yourself?” Erin’s voice once again separated her from her thoughts. “Be sure to use something sturdy. Too many people try shower curtain rods. They never hold up.”

Erin’s sarcasm was exactly what she needed to make the morning complete. Phoebe slammed the door open. “What is your problem?”

Erin looked her over. “Good to see you still have a little fight left.”

Phoebe started to move past her. If Erin wanted the bathroom, she could have the f*cking bathroom. Phoebe could find another place to wait.

Wait for the news. Wait to find out if Jesse was gone forever. How long would she wait this time? At least she’d been able to surround herself with Jamie’s things the last time. She’d been able to sleep in their bed, find refuge in their home.

She and Jesse had just started out. The first place they’d made love was smoldering ruins now. How much more was going to be taken from her?

“Or not. You going to hide in the closet this time?” Erin followed her into the bedroom.

“Fuck off.”

Erin stopped, shaking her head as she looked Phoebe over. “You know, I think I will go and do something else. You’re useless. I have a friend to find. I don’t need to babysit a whiny little bitch.”

“Whiny little bitch?” Shooting Erin would make her feel better. Infinitely better.

“If the offensively titled shoe fits, I think you should wear it.”

“My fiancé is out there in the hands of the same man who nearly killed him and you’re calling me names?”

“Well, you’re running away from the problem and I’m not known for my sensitivity. I skipped that class in school. All those dudes out there will pat you on the head and tell you to go cry and try to protect you, but I’m going to tell you the truth.”

What arrogance. “And what’s your version of the truth, Erin?”

“Not a version. This part is black and white with no gray. Your brother is out there putting his job on the line for Jesse. Me and Si, we’ll put our lives on the line for him. Theo and Hutch, they missed that plane, too. The Agency isn’t going to give a shit that they did it for a good reason. They’ll lose a lot because they’re willing to sacrifice for a teammate. And what are you doing? You’re crying in the bathroom like an eighth grade girl at a dance.”

Anger started to thrum through her system. She had to admit that it was better, more invigorating than the utter despair she’d been feeling. “You think I wouldn’t sacrifice for him? You think I wouldn’t do anything to take his place?”

“I think you’re fantasizing because that’s not going to happen. I think if you keep moping around, you’re going to hate yourself a couple of days from now. You Agency f*cks don’t have the balls for the real game. You spent too much time behind a computer and not enough in the real world or you would be in there helping.”

There wasn’t anything to do. They didn’t even have permission from command to still be in this country. They had no real backup. No resources. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Erin had her hair pulled back, making her look even more stark than usual. “Oh, I understand. I understand entirely too well. I understand that in your mind, he’s already dead because it’s easier to just face it than it is to fight knowing that the outcome will likely be the same. I understand that you already lost one husband and you feel like you’re cursed. I totally get that he’s out there and we got nothing. No clues. No leads. We’ve got no map and not a single direction.”

That summed up the devastating situation they found themselves in perfectly. “So what do you want me to do?”

Erin got in her face. “I want you to suck it the f*ck up, sister, because it’s go time and there’s no crying in the bathroom until we have a body on our hands. Until I have visual confirmation that Murdoch is dead, he’s alive, and that means we have a chance to find him. I do not give up and I will not allow you to. It makes us look like pussies, and we both know pussies get a bad rap. So suck it up because I think they’re on the wrong track.”

Phoebe refused to back down. “And what track is it you think they should be on?”

Erin groaned and took a step back. “Fuck if I know. I’m the muscle here. You’re supposed to be the one with all the damn brains. I like to shoot people, not outthink them. Take two seconds to breathe and then clear your mind. If this were just a mission, what would you do?”

For the first time since she realized Jesse was gone, she took a deep breath and tried to banish her fear. Erin was getting to her, reminding her that there really was a job to do and that job wasn’t to worry. It was time to take action. “I would take stock of my resources.”

“Okay. What are our resources?”

“A couple of guns no one will resupply, four Agency trained operatives, two otherwise trained operatives. A little cash.”

“Don’t forget the nerd squad. I assume they can wire us cash if we need it. And Hutch has like fifteen pounds of candy, so we won’t starve. That dude is like made of sugar. And I’ve got enough bullets for Bertha to take out a good portion of this country. I also brought a sniper rifle, some C-4, and a dozen flashbangs.” Erin shrugged. “A girl likes to be prepared. So we can totally start a war if we want to.”