Wild Horses (Sadie's Montana #1)(67)

Sadie looked at her sisters, their eyes welling with tears.

“Sadie, you know Mam better than any of us. Where could she have gone? And why?” Rebekah asked shakily.

Sadie took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and looked directly into Dat’s eyes. His fell beneath her gaze.

“Well, first, we need to have a long-overdue, honest, all-out talk about our mother. She is not well. She is having issues related to her mind. In plain words, she is mentally ill. And, Dat, you will not admit that. And as long as you don’t, Mam cannot get better.”

Dat shook his head back and forth, vehemently.

“No, she’s not.”

“Then what’s wrong with her?” Sadie spoke quickly, forcefully.

“Don’t speak to your father that way.”

Sadie was on her feet, then, her hands palm down on the table. She leaned forward, her eyes boring into his.

“Dat! If it means putting some sense into your head, I’m going to disobey you. Mam is more sick than any of us realize. She’s living in an agony of depression and fear. She hears voices at night and sees things that aren’t really there. She’s hoarding stupid little things like handkerchiefs and barrettes. She’s not working. She’s much worse than any of us are even allowed to think she is. And it’s all your fault, Dat! Your dumb pride!”

Leah and Rebekah looked on, horrified. No one talked to their father that way. Not ever.

“Sadie!” Dat spoke in a terrible voice, rising from his chair.

Sadie remained standing.

“I’m sorry, Dat,” she said, her heart pounding. “I don’t want to speak to you in this manner, but you are not God. You cannot make Mam better. We have to let our pride go, Dat!”

At this, she broke down, sobs engulfing her, racking her body.

“Mam is so sick, Dat! Please allow her to go to the hospital for help. I think she’d go!”

Rebekah and Leah were crying. Dat stood over them, his face grim, his eyes blazing. His daughters bent their heads.

“She’s not as bad as you say, Sadie.”

“Yes, she is! I will not back down. You need to let go of what people will say. Mental illness is no shame. She can’t help it.”

Dat sagged into his chair, his eyes weary.

“Well, what will they do at the hospital?” he asked.

“Evaluate her. Talk to her. Get her on the right medication. They’ll explain it to her. To you. Please, Dat.”

“If you don’t give up, I’m afraid Mam will do harm to herself—if she hasn’t already,” Rebekah said firmly.

Dat’s head came up. His eyes opened wide with fear. “No!”

“You’re seeing in Mam what you want to see, Dat, and not what’s actually there. She’s a courageous woman, and she’s doing her best to appear normal for your sake—she is—but she’s so pitiful,” Leah wailed.

Sadie could see fear grasp her father. His breath came in gasps, and he stood up.

“We need a plan to look for her now!” he ground out.

“We’ll search our farm, first, the house, pasture, barn, the woods. Everywhere,” Sadie said.

“But what if she’s not here?” Dat asked.

A great wave of pity rose in Sadie. He knew. He knew it was true, the things they told him.

“Then we’ll call the police.”

“But … everyone will know.”

“Exactly. And they’ll help us look for her,” Sadie said firmly.

They got into their coats, boots, and scarves, their faces pale, their hands shaking as they pulled on their gloves. They opened the door and stepped out into the brilliant sunshine. Somehow the sunlight was reassuring, as if God was providing plenty of light for them to find Mam. She couldn’t have gone far, surely.

Dat searched the pasture, Leah went down the driveway calling Mam’s name, Rebekah went to the buggy shed, and Sadie walked off to begin searching the barn.

Charlie, the driving horse, nickered softly when she opened the door. The barn cats came running to her, wanting to be fed. She looked behind every bale of hay and in Nevaeh’s empty stall, calling Mam’s name over and over. She climbed the stairs to the hayloft, searching it thoroughly.

Fear dried her mouth, made her breath come in gasps.

Oh, Mam. We neglected you too long.

Remorse washed over her. They hadn’t done enough soon enough. Where was she?

Sadie fought down the panic that threatened to engulf her, making her want to run and scream Mam’s name. She had to remain calm, stay within reason. They would find her. Dat had probably found her already. He had to.

As the forenoon wore on and there was no sign of Mam, their fear and worry deepened. There was simply nowhere else to look, unless they walked the roads or called a driver to go looking for her. That was a bit uncommon and likely would not help at all.

“Before we call the police, we need to bring Anna and Reuben home from school. If they see policemen up here, they’ll be beside themselves. Besides, they’ll find out anyway,” Sadie said.

The little parochial school was situated just below the Millers’ driveway, nestled in a grove of pine and cedar trees, but in plain view of their house. The school was picturesque, covered in cedar shingles, stone laid carefully on the porch, two swinging doors and neat windows on either side, a split-rail fence surrounding it.