Wild Horses (Sadie's Montana #1)(16)

They always fought at one time or another. Often the sun got too hot, and no one was particularly happy, so they argued and sat down and refused to work and tattled accordingly.

Mam was always busy and … well … so very normal. Canning cucumbers, making strawberry jam, canning those little red beets that smelled like the wet earth when she cooked them soft in stainless steel stockpots. She would cook them, cool them, cut them into bite-sized pieces, and cover them with a pickling brew. Oh, they were so good in the wintertime with thick, cheesy, oniony, potato chowder.

All this went through Sadie’s mind as her eyes met Leah’s. Then Sadie turned her head to look away, out over the valley.

“We didn’t have red beets for a long time,” she whispered.

Leah nodded.

“It’s the little things: dust under the hutch in the dining room, unfinished quilts, the pills, the endless row of different homeopathic remedies…”

“But Sadie, she’s still all right, isn’t she?”

“Yes. She’s just changing. Getting older.”

“Hey! Why is there no supper?”

“Well…” Leah began.

Then she looked down, bending her head as great, tearing sobs tore at her throat. Sadie’s horror rose, a giant dragon waiting to consume her, maybe even slay her.

How could she? How could Mam be like this?

Hot tears pricked her own eyes, and she sat quietly, waiting until Leah’s tears subsided.

“Sadie, I think it’s pretty bad. For a few months now, I’ve watched Mam when she thinks she’s alone. She hoards things and…and…oh, I mean it, Sadie, it’s too painful to talk about. She keeps certain things like combs and dollar bills and…and hairpins in a certain drawer, and as long as that drawer is undisturbed, she appears …well … she is fairly normal. She works, she talks, and no one notices anything different.”

“I do.”

“You do?” Leah lifted her head, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Well, she’s…I don’t know. Like this morning, she was leafing through a cookbook asking what we want for our Christmas menu. Christmas is over a month away. Almost two months. It’s as if…almost as if she isn’t really here. Here in this house. With us and Dat.”

Leah sat up, bringing her fist down on the table, startling Sadie.

“She isn’t here. Her heart and soul are still in Ohio.”

“But Leah, by all outward appearances, she wanted to come. She held Dat’s hand, her eyes sparkled, she was so excited. I can still see her sitting in the living room with Dat. Oh, I remember. I felt as if she was deserting me. I was so heartbroken about Paris. I felt as if she didn’t care about me or Paris, she was so completely with Dat.”

“She’s not with Dat anymore. Sadie, there’s a lot going on that can easily escape us. Dat and Mam are just keeping on for pride’s sake. It’s…not the way it should be.”

“Like…how?”

“Oh, just different ways. When did we last have Dat’s favorite supper? Huh?”

There was silence as the conversation fizzled. Was it all in their imaginations? Were they imagining the worst? Maybe it was normal for mothers to change after they turned 46.

“Where are Dat and Mam now?”

“They… argued, fought.”

“About what?”

“I don’t want to tell you. They didn’t know I overheard. I’d feel like a traitor if I spread it around.”

Suddenly anger consumed Sadie, sending its fiery tentacles around her body until she thought she would suffocate.

“All right, be that way—all your lofty pride intact, walking around with a serene expression when you know something is wrong—way wrong—with our mother. We have to face it. We can’t just sweep it under the carpet and then go around acting as if we are one perfect, happy family, when we know it isn’t true because it’s not.”

Leah sighed.

“Sit down and stop that. All right, Mam told Dat she wasn’t feeling good, but she refused to go get help. They…well, it wasn’t pretty. She finally agreed to go to the chiropractor in town.”

“As if a chiropractor is going to help.”

“Well, it’s something.”

“Pffff!”

Rebekah appeared, straight pins stuck in the front of her dress, thread stuck to her sleeve, an anxious expression in her eyes.

“What’s for supper? Where’s Mam and Dat?”

Reuben and Anna followed Rebekah into the room, laughing about something. Sadie could tell they had been in the basement playing their endlessly competitive games of ping-pong. Reuben was 10 years old now, old enough to let Anna know that his ping-pong game was worth worrying about.

Sadie groaned inwardly. Oh, they were so precious. So innocent and sweet and dear and good. Why couldn’t things just remain the way they used to be?

Sadie walked over to Reuben, wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him close, kissing the top of his thick, blonde hair. She got as far as “How are you…?” before he pulled away from her, straining at her arms, pounding them with his fists, twisting his head, shouting, “Get away from me!” His eyes squinted to a mocking glare, but his mouth was smiling, although he tried desperately to hide that fact.