When the Heart Falls(47)

This trip was supposed to be fun, to be romantic and adventurous, and instead it’s turned to shit like everything else. This trip to Paris, my book, it all turns to shit no matter what I do.

I’m ready to give up, to give in to my self-loathing misery and let the world fall apart around me, when the wind calms as quickly as it started. The rain, while still steady, no longer feels like daggers of ice trying to cut me. A silhouette in the distance gives me hope. I step carefully, moving closer.

It’s Cade. He’s on his knees in a puddle, clutching his hat to his chest as if in prayer.

I stop when I reach him and study his face for clues about his heart. It’s blank, as if the wind finally tore him apart, only it wasn’t his body the wind took, but his soul. “Cade?”

He doesn’t respond. Doesn’t move.

I take a step forward, reaching my hand out to rest on his shoulder. “You’re worrying me.”

Finally, he looks up, and his eyes register my presence. "I'm sorry.” He glances down at the hat clutched in his hand. "It was my brother’s." He says this as if it explains everything. It does, but not enough. I have so many questions but this isn’t the time to ask. He looks up at me. "We should go."

But he doesn't get up. He's still holding the hat, staring at it now. The hat is a piece of his brother, maybe the only piece he has left. He can’t lose it, can’t lose his brother. Whatever happened to his brother, his family, Cade hasn’t grieved yet. It’s bottled up inside of him, just like my pain is bottled up in me.

We each bury our grief, hoping that if we ignore it long enough it will go away, but it never does.

I lift my hand from his shoulder and hold it out to him, like he held his out for me when he pulled me onto the stage on Bastille Day. When he gave me the courage to face one of my fears. "Come on. I'm here. It's okay."

He takes my hand and stands.

We lock eyes, the rain plastering our hair to our faces, as we hold on to each other.

And I realize in that moment, we can’t always wait for the rain in our lives to pass. Sure, the sun always comes up, a new day is always born, but all we have is the moment we’re in. The past is gone, the future not yet here, all we have is now.

And right now, I want to live my life.

On impulse, still holding his hand, I twirl myself around and let my fears and worries wash away.

Cade doesn’t let go, but he looks confused. "What are you doing?"

"I’m dancing in the rain.”

His face is still blank. He doesn’t understand, but that’s okay, because I finally do. "Here, take both my hands."

He hesitates, but then puts his wet hat on his wet head and takes both of my hands.

I lean back, letting his body keep me from falling, and pull us in small circles, spinning us both. He’s trusting me, but still holding back, not quite committed to our venture. We start slow, spinning in circles like children, then move faster and faster, until my hair is flying in the wind and the rain becomes a part of our dance.

"We're gonna fall." Cade smiles as he says it, not as a warning, not at all. He’s having fun, finally letting go and giving in to the moment. And if we fall, we fall. Life continues its dance.

The world blurs around me, everything washing away, everything but Cade. He’s clear, focused, the center of my vision. I’m with him and he’s with me and we’re happy, happy and free.

When the dizziness takes over, when falling seems inevitable, I slow us down until we stop. The world is still spinning, but I am pressed up against Cade, his arms around me, our faces so close together as the rain kisses us. “Want to try the abbey again?” I ask.

"Later.” He frees an arm from around me and plucks a stray piece of wet hair out of my face. "A shower and bed sounds better right now."

Was there a double entendre in there? If I was writing this scene, there would be.

Before I can reply, he kisses me again, recapturing the passion lost with the wind. His mouth is warm, lips firm as he explores mine.

I'm breathless when it ends and anxious to get to that shower and bed he mentioned. If he does have more than sleeping in mind, I think I'm ready despite my fears. It's time to stop letting what happened with Mr. Asshat keep me from love and intimacy, and if anyone's worth making that leap with, it's Cade. Adrenaline surging through me at my decision, giddy with kisses, I pull out of his arms. "Race you back to the hotel."

He grips my hand. "You don't want to run in the rain. You get wetter that way."

"Impossible. You get out of the rain faster if you run, so you stay drier."

He shakes his head like he knows everything, but his know-it-all attitude is part of his charm. "No. When you run, the rain hits you from the top and the front, because you're running into it. You get wetter. Mythbusters proved it."

“My dad loves that show, but I’ve only seen a few episodes. Not the rain one, obviously. Doesn’t matter, we’re already as soaked as possible." I hold out my dripping hair as evidence. "Besides, you wouldn't be able to beat me anyway."

"Oh really?" He lets go of my hand and starts walking toward the hotel. "Let's race. Remember, no running."

He's already ahead of me, so I walk faster. "This doesn’t make us any drier, and besides, it’s not fair. You’re walking way too fast."