When the Heart Falls(46)

I get why he loves this so much. It's as if you can see all the layers of history, all the journeys this island has been through. “I wonder if the famous ghost hunter has found anything. Seems if ghosts do exist, there’d be a lot haunting this place.”

Something buzzes in Cade’s pocket, and he pulls out his cell phone, frowns at the number, cancels the call and puts it back.

He’s ignored several calls so far on our trip, and I know it must be his dad. "Are things easier now that you're away from him?" I ask.

"They're harder," he says. "I feel guilty for how I left things and guiltier for leaving."

"It's not your fault.” I squeeze his hand. "You're a grown man. You had to leave your brother and family eventually. They can’t expect you to live there forever, can they?"

"I know. But I should have fixed things with Dad before I left."

"You tried, right?"

"Right."

"Then you did your best."

"Not enough."

The wind whips around us, blowing my hair into my face. I lean in closer to Cade. "Maybe your dad has to work out his own issues. You’re only responsible for your actions, your choices, not his."

"I think we blamed each other for a lot.” His eyes are sad, his look far away. "Still do."

"You can be the first to stop the cycle. To forgive and move on.” But even as I say the words, I know it's not that easy. Some acts of betrayal are unforgivable.

Cade turns away from me, letting go of my hand as he walks ahead. "I'm not sure I can."

I hurry to catch up to him. “I read once that choosing to stay angry with someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

He stops, his face hard and unreadable. The wind picks up, pushing us harder as the sky darkens. I can feel the wind trying to reach into me, chilling my bones. It attacks Cade as if it wants to tear him apart.

The water surrounding the island is angry, crashing against the rocks. Cade looks out at the horizon. "I thought I'd left my problems back home, but they followed me here. Across a continent and an ocean. I still expect too much from people. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And they inevitably disappoint."

He seems so far away, and I worry he’s talking about me, about us. Did he want more from me? From our relationship? He knew he’d be leaving at the end of summer, and I’d be staying. Staying… because I’m running too. Running away from New York, from what happened there. I’m so driven by my shame of what Rodney did to me, I thought if I could start over somewhere else, somewhere with no memories of him, I’d be able to get over it and get on with my life. But he followed me here. And even if he hadn’t, it’s inside of me. All of my problems, all of my fears, everything I’m running from is inside of me. I can’t run from myself.

The realization crashes into me like those waves against the rocks. My body trembles in fear as all of the skeletons in my soul come out to haunt me. Ghosts. Ghosts of my past, ghosts of my memories. We’re all haunted whether we realize it or not.

I don’t feel the water on my face until Cade holds out his hand. “It’s raining.”

“The angels are crying," I say. "That’s what I used to believe as a child, that when it rained, it was angels weeping.” I hope it doesn’t get worse. Cade’s been looking forward to this trip, and I’d hate for us to get rained out. "Let's get to the abbey.” I reach for his hand, unwilling to let anything stop us from doing what we’d planned.

Cade’s hand is warm, strong, so big it swallows up mine as we continue to climb the hill. The rain and wind don’t die down as I’d hoped, instead, their frenzy increases.

Cade stops, pulling me to him. "We should get back to the hotel.”

A lone raindrop snakes down my neck and the back of my shirt. Shivering, I move closer to Cade. Our bodies heat up between us as rain falls on us.

He kisses the top of my head, a spot he can reach more easily than my lips due to our height difference.

But I don't want a chaste kiss on my head, so I lean back and tilt my face up, rain falling on it, nearly blinding me. He lowers his head so that it blocks out some of the water, and now all I see are his eyes, bright blue against his tanned face.

"You're beautiful in the rain," he says, his voice low. We kiss as the sky pours down on us. I can taste the rain on his lips, like the island is becoming a part of us.

It's hard to keep my head, to stay focused, when every touch, every taste of him steals my equilibrium.

A strong gust of wind pushes against us, breaking apart our kiss as it blows Cade's hat right off his head. It twirls through the air and down the hill we just climbed. Cade lets go of me and runs after the hat, his curses barely reaching me as the wind swipes those away as well.

I know this hat is important, even if I don’t know why. I follow his path, desperate to help him retrieve something that means so much to him. The rain comes down like ice, striking my face so hard it burns. Cade disappears into the fog, and panic grips me as I lose sense of direction. I can’t see anything around me, just white fog and rain.

Pushing too fast, fear gripping me, I land on my foot wrong, twisting it. “Shit!” My voice is eaten by the wind and rain. Limping forward, I look for a familiar sign or marker to tell me where I am, but see nothing. I can tell, as I move down the path, that I'm alone. The streets are empty for the first time. It finally feels remote, isolated, no longer a tourist trap. The tourists were all smart enough to come in from the rain before it turned into this storm.