When the Heart Falls(29)

"No one. I'm not interested." None of the guys stand out or look appealing in any way. As Jenifer points out candidates, I rule out each one. He's too short. That guy is too skinny. Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome is too… something. And then it hits me. Why none of them live up to the standard in my mind. Why each of them are too much of something or not enough of something else.

Because none of them are Cade.

My Cade.

Le sigh.

Flashes of the night I was drugged rush back to me. His strong arms carrying me through the streets of Paris. The feel of his heart beating as my head rested against his chest. The soft press of his lips against my forehead when he thought I was asleep.

Oh shit. I'm falling for the cowboy. It seems obvious now, the way I feel every time he touches me, the inspiration I gain after we're together, but, no, this can't be. He's leaving at the end of summer and I'm staying. We have no future. There's a built in expiration date on our relationship, a guaranteed broken heart at the end of the summer that I can't bear to think about. And then I realize the irony of my situation. I'm falling for a guy I can't have, while trying to write a romance novel that's authentic.

"How about them?" Jenifer points at two guys standing by the band.

"I'm just here for you." My stomach tilts upside down as I face the truth of my feelings.

"Then walk over with me."

"No." I want to go back to the dorms. I want to talk to Cade, but what would I say? There's no possible scenario in which confessing my feelings could lead to anything but pain.

"Come on," she says, pulling me forward. "Don't go all Ice Queen on me, now. I need my wing girl."

I can't talk to Cade about my feelings. Can't go back to the dorms now and dwell on them. Might as well help Jenifer and try not to think about the state of my heart. "Fine. But you're doing all the talking."

Jenifer smiles with glee. "No problem, girl. I just need you to look pretty."

Before we can make a move for them, they start walking toward us.

"Oh, shit. They're coming," Jenifer says. "Smile, Winter, you're not being given a death sentence here."

I force my face into a smile as the men approach and offer us drinks. The tall guy with black hair kisses the back of Jenifer's hand. "I am Duke. This is Luigi. You are American's, no?"

Jenifer nearly swoons, and I stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Yes," she says with a giggle. "We are."

Luigi moves closer to me. "Would you ladies like to dance?"

I'm about to decline, but Jenifer agrees for us both, and I'm ushered to the dance floor. As ridiculous as it is, when Luigi's hand reaches for mine, I feel a twinge of guilt, like I'm cheating on Cade. But Cade and I are just friends, can only ever be just friends. So why not have some fun and let loose?

I try. I really do.

But the cloying scent of Luigi's cologne, combined with his clammy hands pawing my body, make me feel like a trapped animal.

I sneak a peek at Jenifer, who is pressed so closely to Duke they're practically one person, their hands moving over each other's bodies with premature intimacy.

While I'm distracted by my friend, Luigi moves his hands up my waist and brushes against my breasts.

Wow, what? I step back. "I need to use the bathroom. Excuse me."

Luigi moves in on Jenifer and Duke, rubbing against her from behind while Duke takes her front. I want to puke.

The bathroom escape isn't just an excuse to get away; I really do need to pee. I stop at the bar to ask for directions and am pointed to a tent-like structure. My bladder is about to explode as I step in and face what I assume is supposed to pass as a toilet. It's not a toilet, or even a port-a-potty. It's a hole. In the ground. I'm not even making this up. And it smells like shit and piss and body odor.

I cannot pee into a hole, and I'm stone cold sober. How would drunk people manage in here? How would that even work? At this point I'm crossing my legs to keep from peeing all over myself. What other options are there? Even if I could hold it in long enough to get somewhere else, I have no idea where to find another bathroom, and it's becoming increasingly evident that there will be no holding it in.

As I fantasize about ways to kill Jenifer for dragging me here, I pull off my panties and hook them around one wrist while pulling up my dress to my waist. Standing over the hole, precariously balanced with one heeled foot on each side, legs shaking as they try to hold me steady, I close my eyes and pray that I don't end up covered in my own piss.

I've had quite enough bathroom adventures to last a lifetime, thank you very much.

Mid-stream the tent is pulled open as Luigi shoves his head in. "Hey, are you—"

I snap. Totally and completely. My body shakes in rage, and the world around me goes black, save for the smirking face of the * in front of me. "Get the f*ck out of here." With more balance than I knew I had, I pull off one high heel and throw it at him. He dodges the shoe and closes the tent, but I'm not done yet. "Fuck. Do you even know what personal space is?" I gesture to indicate the space.

"Are you gesturing?" he asks. "I can't see you."

"Fuck you. Why don't you go gesture yourself?"

"Whatever. I'm leaving."

"You tried to touch my tits, you pervert. You better leave."