When I Lost You: A Gripping, Heart Breaking Novel of Lost Love.(4)

With all his easy privileges it should have been easy for me to hate him and there were some days that I did. But Declan had one beautifully redeeming quality: he did not see money or lack thereof, or colour or race or any of the other trappings or categories that most people filter the world by. Right from the very beginning, I was nothing more or less than a friend; somehow, it never really occurred to him that there was any reason why I shouldn’t be. When I finally, reluctantly, invited him to my home, he stepped into the tiny, dank apartment I shared with Mum and looked around.

‘Shit, Leo!’ he had said, genuinely confused and shocked. ‘You’re poor?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I didn’t realise,’ he said, and he shrugged and opened the fridge to look for a snack.

Declan was one of a kind – one of the good guys.



Only an hour or so after our phone call I waited in a café at The Rocks for Molly to arrive. The dull thud of dread in my gut had not abated. There was no denying that the Torrington family had been embarrassed by Declan’s death – the instant cover-up they manufactured for the media had more than proven that. I wondered whether anything I could tell Molly would comfort her.

‘Sorry, I’m late…’

I hadn’t noticed Molly approaching, but now she was standing right beside me and so I shot to my feet. We stared at each other for a moment, and then she opened her arms – offering me a hug. We’d never really touched before, not even at the funeral. Her father had made sure I was kept well away.

I accepted her embrace, turning my sling-clad arm away from her and gingerly reciprocating the hug with my good arm. Molly was much taller than I remembered – almost as tall as me – but as I had expected, she had the polished, careful air of a woman of significant wealth. She was wearing a lot of make-up – too much, to my eye – and a very heavy perfume. As we released one another and she took the seat opposite me, she fiddled awkwardly with the belt of her dress and then smoothed her hand down over the front part of her hair. Her white-blonde hair was so short – shorter even than mine. The only softness about her look was a slightly longer fringe that was brushed forward, curving down over her forehead towards her cheek.

‘I can’t thank you enough for this,’ she said.

‘Like I said – I just hope you’re not expecting me to have any real answers. I can only tell you what I know.’

‘Should we order coffee?’ She was already flagging down a waiter, who nearly fell over himself rushing to greet her. I’d forgotten what it was like to be in public with a Torrington – Molly and Declan had never really been household names, but they were familiar to many people because of who their father was. Whenever Dec and I had spent time at bars in our uni days, we were always plied with free drinks – a bonus for me, who couldn’t have afforded the drinks otherwise, but it amused Declan, who even in his late teens had access to a trust fund that was virtually limitless.

Once we’d each ordered a coffee, Molly and I got somehow stuck in a holding pattern, each waiting for the other to begin. After an uncomfortably long time, I found myself prompting her to start the conversation that I didn’t even want to have.

‘So, what did you want to know?’

‘I know this is weird,’ she admitted. ‘I thought about getting in touch with you a lot, even right after it happened. But it was just such a mess and it had been such a shock. And I was embarrassed because of how Dad treated you at the funeral. I didn’t know what to say to you or how to apologise.’

‘It wasn’t your place to apologise. It still isn’t,’ I told her.

She sighed heavily. ‘Well, I am sorry. You deserved to be with us that day. No one knew Declan like you did.’

‘Your brother was a particularly special kind of guy,’ I said quietly. I still thought about Declan often, but I hadn’t spoken about him in years. It felt odd – more than a little unnatural.

‘Dad had a heart attack last year,’ Molly said suddenly, and I frowned.

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ I was also surprised that I hadn’t heard that already, given that her father was one of the biggest names in the industry.

‘Yeah. That’s off the record, of course. Dad didn’t want the shareholders to find out so…’ Molly sighed wearily as she rubbed her forehead, then she looked directly at me. ‘The thing is, Dad had a heart attack, and Declan supposedly died of an undiagnosed heart condition. So you’d think Dad would have his doctors look into Declan’s illness to make sure it’s not genetic, right?’

She looked at me, waiting for a response, so I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out at all. Molly seemed strangely satisfied by the shock I couldn’t hide. She crossed her arms over her chest and peered at me as she continued quietly. ‘Whenever I brought the subject up or even mentioned Declan’s name, Dad yelled, Mum sobbed. Something never added up and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but until Dad’s heart attack, it was just easier for me to pretend I hadn’t noticed. Did Declan kill himself, Leo?’

She delivered that last brutal question without hesitation, but when I glanced at her I saw the way she braced herself as she waited for my answer.

‘No – God no! He didn’t.’

Molly’s tight posture relaxed, but only a little.