What Doesn't Destroy Us (The Devil's Dust #1)(21)

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lie, still feeling defensive.

“I have been with Shadow for years. I have seen girls come and go. You don’t think just because you’re sweet and innocent that he cares about you; that you can tame him, do you? As soon as he’s done with you, he’ll come running back to me. He always does. In the meantime, next time you kiss those lips remember they were on me not so long before you. His cock? In me as well. Shadow can’t get enough of Candy.” She sticks her nose in the air as she verbally slaps me.

My palms are sweaty and my breath is getting shallow. Here is yet another confirmation that I am just a notch on Shadow's bedpost. How many times do I have to hear it? She gets to have Shadow as much as she wants and she's rubbing it in. I am jealous of the whore; what an all-time low.

She turns to walk out but stops; her body half out of the doorway.

“Oh, and shame on you. If Bull finds out you are f*cking with Shadow, only God knows what he’ll do.” She turns back around and rests her hip on the door frame. This isn’t the first time I've heard that my dad will kill Shadow for messing around with me. It's hard to wrap my mind around.

Seeing the turmoil on my face, she laughs. “It’s law. No one can mess around with the President's daughter behind his back and not be punished. “Despite the smile still on her lips, her tone is serious. “And I’m sure your mother won’t like it either. Seems you and she are whores in the same, huh, sleeping with men you have no business messing around with.” She spins on her shiny black stiletto and walks out.

I let out the breath I had been holding. I am more of a mess than I want to be over Shadow. I thought I would be okay being a one-night stand or maybe even a causal fling. But after hearing it from the two most spiteful women I've met in my life, the pain seems unbearable. The thought that I was nothing but sloppy seconds after Candy hit all the wrong notes.

Shadow opens the closet door slowly. My body is wound as tight as a viper. He approaches with caution. “Dani?” he says with concern.

“Just get the hell out.” I say quietly, avoiding eye contact.

“Dani, calm down and let me explain,” he demands.

There is nothing to explain. I am just a challenge for Shadow; a score for him. Not only did he get to bang the president's daughter, he also got to take her innocence. I'm just one big joke to him. I feel regret wash over me. I want to go back to feeling numb. Feeling numb wins over feeling used.

“No, I don’t want you to explain, just get the f*ck out of my room now.” I look directly into those damaged eyes. ”I don’t want you near me, ever,” I say calmly, hoping to get my point across. He just stands there, looking dumbfounded.

I push him at the door, trying to hold back my tears. “Get out, biker trash” I yell, noticing in my time of distress I sound exactly like my mother, and damaging my ego that much more. ”I will not be your shiny new toy whenever you’re bored.” I slam the door in his face.

I lock the door and slump to the floor. How could I be so naive? Did I really think that just because I gave Shadow my virginity that we would somehow be a couple now; that he would suddenly care for me? Man, I’m clueless. I was just new ass to him; a game. His words from our first kiss instantly play in my head, “But in reality, you could never be mine.” I am so angry at myself, how could I see Shadow as anything less than a playboy. Why would he want someone like me, when he had biker babes dropping their panties for him?

“Whats going on out here?” I could hear Bull through the door.

“Eh, she’s not happy I have to follow her around everywhere,” Shadow says. What? This is news to me. Why does the * have to follow me around everywhere? As if I wasn’t humiliated enough, now I have to endure being around him 24/7.

“Yeah, I didn’t think she would be happy about it,” Bull proclaims. ”Her mother will be even more pissed.”

“Dani, open up.” Bull demands.

I sit here against the door, ignoring his request. I need time to process everything, alone.

“Darlin, I just need to make sure you're safe. Not only from your mother's shithead boyfriend; we have enemies too. It’s just safer this way. Shadow won't mess with you. If he does he will answer to me.” His voice is sincere; he's just trying to make sure I stay safe. I still can’t bring myself to respond, all I want is to scream.

Now is when I wish I had a best friend; someone I could spill out everything to. They could tell me what to do. I’m sure my shrink, Victoria, would have a field day with all this information. I have to get myself together; I can't let Shadow or that whore, Candy, see how distraught I am. I knew when I let him take me, it might end badly. In all honesty, I would rather live with this regret, than to never have had the experience. I've felt so alive being with Shadow. It is going to be hard going back to the numbness that succumbed me before.





Apparently the safe house has been cleaned and readied for our arrival. I use the time cramming my dirty clothes back into my suitcase to steady my breathing and calm down. I don't know how long I'm going to have to endure Shadow as my bodyguard, but I know I need to keep my wits about me. I go to my mom's room to check on her but she's still trying to gather up all her belongings, so I head out to the parking lot alone.