Until the End (Volkov Bratva #2)(6)

“I can’t.”

Lauren drew away from him, watching the mask fall over his face. This was goodbye.

Turning her back on him, she walked back to the car where Ross and Susan were waiting. With each step, a foolish part of her hoped that he would call her back.





July

Days. Weeks. It all passed in a blur of idle time and enjoying the summer away from New York. Luckily for Lauren, Diego was understanding enough not to fire her since she would be gone for so long, but after the semester she’d had, he thought she deserved a little time off.

Yea, and he didn’t know the half of it.

Most days were easier to handle, the ones where she blocked everything out that reminded her of her time with Mishca. It wasn’t easy, not when every little thing brought back a memory of him.

The sweet scent of coffee, songs playing on the radio, that particular shade of blue that she saw when she looked up at the sky, but whenever her thoughts turned to him, she immediately thought of something else, even if it was one of the most mundane of topics.

She thought distance might help the ache she felt in her heart, lessen the damage, but the distance only seemed to amplify the problem.

At her dresser, Lauren touched the intricate jewelry box Susan had given her recently, though she hadn’t known that Lauren would only be using it for one piece of jewelry. It was hand carved from a special African wood, a piece Susan had picked up in town years ago.

Running her fingers over it, Lauren flipped the latch, tilting open the top to look at the one thing she hadn’t seen since she left New York. It was a charm bracelet made of golden links, and hanging on one of the delicate loops was a tiny egg, designed to look like the Fabergé eggs crafted for royalty in earlier centuries. What she had originally thought were gems were actually diamonds, more than a few dozen encrusted around the charm.

On a whim, she had searched for it on Tiffany’s, remembering the powder blue packaging it had come in. Knowing Mishca, she had assumed it cost a few hundred dollars—he wasn’t shy about spending money—but after finding it online, she nearly gaped at the price. The bracelet itself was a little over a thousand dollars, but the charm itself cost well over twenty-grand. From that moment, she hadn’t felt right wearing it, not just because of the price, but because she felt like a piece of her would always be connected to him as long as she wore it.

But, even after she had taken it off, she still felt him in every part of her. That was the hard part. She could separate herself from the physical reflections of their relationship, but there was nothing she could do about the memories.

Some nights she’d lay awake remembering the way his entire face would light up when he smiled at her, and in the darkness of her bedroom with no one around, she would smile back like he could still see her.

Honestly, she had no idea what she would do once she went back. She could hope that she wouldn’t run into him in a city that big, but considering she found the needle in the haystack once, she doubted she would be that lucky.

The better question was, what would they do when she returned?

She was under no delusion that she was free of the Volkov Bratva, not when they believed she had evidence that could potentially be used against them. It was a bold move pretending her father had kept a record of his work with the Russians, one that had ultimately paid off, but it was one that she constantly fretted about.

Lauren still remembered Mikhail’s last words.

A knock at her door drew Lauren from her thoughts, the sight of her mom, Susan, standing in the doorway making her force a smile that she didn’t really feel. She placed the bracelet back in the box, sealing it in.

Susan had lost a little weight over the months—understandably with all the stress she was under—but it didn’t look bad on her. She had also sheared her hair to her shoulders, stylish layers cut through out. It made her look younger than her forty-two years.

“Ross coming for dinner tonight?” Lauren asked smiling wider when she saw Susan blush.

Whether it was his near death experience or that he was just tired of waiting, Ross had finally confessed his feelings to Susan. It took them weeks to finally tell Lauren about their new relationship, but she had merely rolled her eyes at their sudden epiphany, secretly glad that they had each other. She had called it years ago.

“Yes, he’s grilling steaks.”

Susan hesitated in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob, the other holding a small sheet of white paper with jagged edges. She looked almost nervous in her approach and that made Lauren wonder what she held.

The moment they got in the car on their way to Michigan, no one had brought up Mishca’s appearance at the police station or any of his family, but the Volkovs’ brief presence in their life was still like a shadow over them.

“The last time you were here, I took this out of your father’s journal before you left. You have to understand,” she explained as she handed it over. “I was trying to protect you from the truth and reading this would have led to questions that I couldn’t answer.”

Lauren took the paper, smoothing it out, smiling genuinely at the familiar untidy scrawl that was her father’s handwriting, but that smile soon began to fade as she read the words.

November 14th 1997

Lauren, I pray that you may never find this letter, but if you are reading this, then I have to assume you know the truth. There are so many things I wish I could explain to you, but my time has run out. I regret that I will never get to watch you grow up and accomplish your dreams, teach you to ride that princess bicycle you had always wanted. For that, I am deeply sorry. I cannot make excuses for the choices I have made that led me to this point in my life, and I can only imagine how you feel right now, but please know that I did everything I could to protect you and your mother. I can only hope that you may find peace with everything that you have learned. Until the end of my time in this world and the next, I will watch over you. I love you, Lauren, more than I can ever express in this letter.