Unconditional (Masters and Mercenaries #5.5)(39)

“I thought you were supposed to take care of me. You can’t do that in the club right now. The world outside doesn’t give a crap that we have a contract, Keith. Reality doesn’t care that I signed on the dotted line.” Another, nastier thought occurred to her. “That contract also states that our training period ends in a couple of weeks. Were you going to dump me then? Was this relationship only supposed to last six weeks?”

His silence made her heart ache.

He’d been planning on leaving her.

He stood suddenly, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. We have weeks for me to figure it out. We can sign another contract. It doesn’t have to end.”

“But you’re thinking about it.” Even as he’d made love to her, he’d put an end date on their relationship. They had a really short shelf life.

“I think about a lot of things. Just because we’re seeing each other right now doesn’t mean we’ll want to later. You should know that better than anyone else. I offered you something concrete. I was going to stay with you for six weeks. After that, we negotiate another time period. I’ve always been honest with you about that.”

It still didn’t make sense. He’d been so willing to help her, so tender with her. “Is it because I told you I love you? I don’t have to say it.”

“You shouldn’t, Ashley.”

“Okay.” She’d known he didn’t really want that from her. God, how pathetic was she? She was standing here with a man she knew didn’t love her and she was still offering. “I won’t say it anymore.”

“No,” he replied with a harsh growl. “That’s not what I meant. You shouldn’t love me. I can’t…I can’t give you what you need. I can’t see you outside of this club. I don’t want a wife. I don’t want kids. I don’t want that kind of life and it’s so f*cking easy to see that’s what you need. I want a sub I see at the club and forget about the minute I walk away. Do you understand? That’s what I’m offering you.”

What the hell was happening? She’d had a surge of hope when she’d walked into the conference room and he’d held her tight. “But you didn’t. You didn’t forget about me. You call me. You ask about my day.”

He shrugged a little. “You asked for help with discipline.”

“But it wasn’t just about that. You asked about my classes and what I had for lunch. You wanted to talk to me. You talked about everything…” She got a little sick because the truth had been staring at her. She’d known it, but she’d ignored it. He’d just said it to her. “Would you see me outside the club if I didn’t have a baby?”

He paled. “Probably not. I don’t know.”

“Why?”

He was silent.

“I deserve an answer, Keith.”

“I don’t want kids. Not everyone wants them. I went so far as to have a vasectomy so it isn’t a problem. Do you understand?”

He was in his thirties. He had years to decide if he wanted a family. How could he have done that? Why would he take away any chance? “I don’t understand anything. You knew I had a kid. Why would you start a relationship with me if you hate kids so much?”

And how could she not have seen it? He was a caring person. She’d seen it in the tenderness he’d offered her. How could he not even want to meet Emily? She could understand not wanting to procreate, but to never want to be around one?

“You keep making the mistake of thinking this is a vanilla relationship where I’ll sleep over and you’ll make f*cking pancakes, and I’ll wake up one day and want five kids with you. I started a D/s relationship with you. I wanted you. I wanted to f*ck you. I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to dominate you.”

Every word that came out of his mouth contradicted his actions. “Stop lying to me. If all you wanted to do was f*ck me, you could have done it that first night. I would have let you. If this was all you wanted, you shouldn’t have waited until tonight. So stop lying to me. I’ll find out. I won’t stop, you know. I might seem all soft and submissive, but I know how to fight for what I want.”

She might not win, but she was willing to fight for him.

His face went infinitely hard, his eyes narrowing, and just for a second she wanted to take back every word. Just for the briefest moment, she was afraid of him. “Don’t. Don’t you try that shit with me. You might have been able to start a bar fight with that kid who knocked you up, but it will not end well with me.”

Anger won out over her fear. She stood right up to him. “Oh, I think it will end the same way because you’re not so different. You’re both just scared little boys who can’t handle a little responsibility. Rich boys. You got a case of affluenza, Keith?”

“Don’t push me.”

She couldn’t stop herself. “I think I haven’t pushed you enough. You want a sub because you don’t really want to care about a person. That’s why you don’t want kids. You want your neat little world where everything is written out and you can point at a contract and throw up your hands and tell me it’s not your responsibility. Maybe it’s a good thing you know you couldn’t hack it as a dad. If you did knock someone up, as you so lovingly put it, you would likely walk right out the door because a kid wasn’t in your precious contract. The real world doesn’t give a shit about your contracts, Keith.”