Unconditional (Masters and Mercenaries #5.5)(12)

“Is there a problem?” Keith’s brows had risen over disapproving eyes.

She was screwing up royally. She gave him a hopefully brilliant smile and shook her head. “Nope. I’m sure I can handle sitting.”

Sort of. She watched as Eve sank to her pillow with perfect grace. And then Ashley sort of tumbled because she was also trying to hide the fact that she was wearing cotton panties with little flamingos on them. Of course, because she’d been tugging her skirt down, she lost her balance and her legs went wide, letting those pink birds fly.

Keith reached down, helping her back into a more discreet position. “What are you wearing?”

She was confused by the question. “What you sent me.”

“I didn’t send you…were those birds?”

She laughed a little. “Oh, yeah, sorry about that. You forgot to send me underwear so I kind of had to wear the ones I was wearing. Hey, you’re lucky. These are some of my nice ones.”

He loomed over her. “I didn’t send you underwear because you’re not allowed to wear it in this club. Also, I don’t care that that man is gay. I don’t want you flirting with him when you’re with me. It’s rude and upsets me. Give me the underwear.”

She felt her eyes go wide. “What?”

“You understood me. You’ve proven to have a wonderful knowledge of the English language in all its iterations.” He held a big hand out, palm up.

She thought back to her very explicit instructions. In the club, when she was with Keith, she was only to wear the clothing he provided for her, and it would be some form of fet wear. The clothing was purchased specifically for her and she was welcome to keep it to form her own lifestyle wardrobe.

But when she’d realized he’d forgotten the undies, she’d decided it was an oversight.

She’d heard Ryan argue with her sister that she shouldn’t spend so much on lingerie since she wasn’t allowed to wear panties. Karina had been wearing a teeny tiny thong, but then she didn’t have a permanent Dom, and even Master Simon had required she be naked on the St. Andrew’s Cross. The only submissive she’d seen wearing anything that really covered her ass was the big boss’s sister-in-law. Chelsea seemed to be allowed to wear fet wear that covered her legs and backside.

But that didn’t mean Ashley would be allowed to.

“It’s not a hard choice, Ashley.” Keith took a knee in front of her, his face softening slightly. “You either want to try this or you don’t.”

She couldn’t hold back the tears that started. “It’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s going to be half naked.”

“No. That’s not my role, although you’ll note that the male subs are on full display. Part of this process forces you to get used to your body, to come to love and appreciate the skin you’re in. It’s not for everyone. Though it should be. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a body you hate for utterly ridiculous reasons?”

She sniffled a little. “Ridiculous?”

He chuckled. “Yes. I’m sure you’ve decided that you’re not beautiful. Somewhere along the way, you listened to the media who tell you every day that you have to be stick thin to be lovely. Derek, my new sub is struggling with how beautiful she is.”

She looked up. She hadn’t even realized that the detective had joined them. He sat down in the chair she’d recently vacated, his dark eyes steady on her.

“I wouldn’t put it like that.” This was the part she was so going to struggle with. She had no idea how she would ever be comfortable without the armor of clothes. She didn’t look like the rest of the women.

“How would you put it?” The lieutenant leaned forward slightly. “You have gorgeous breasts. Your ass is perfectly luscious. What exactly is wrong with you?”

Danger Ashley Paxon! Danger! Yeah, she knew perfectly well that Doms didn’t like it when a sub complained about the imperfections of her body. Karina had explained that to her not an hour before.

Keith smiled at her, the uptick of his lips causing her heart to skip a little beat. “Smart girl. I can see your brain working. Here’s the deal I’m going to make with you. You decide. I’m going to sit here and talk to Master Derek and you’re going to contemplate what you want. You don’t have to tell me tonight. This is a long process and it doesn’t have to go faster than you’re comfortable with. If you choose, we’ll sit here for the rest of the night and when we pick up again, you will do it without underwear and you’ll take your punishment for disobeying me.”

He smoothed her hair back, a comforting gesture, and moved into his seat, doing exactly what he’d promised her. He was giving her time and space and forcing her to make a decision.

He spoke to the lieutenant about something that was happening around the city, but she couldn’t follow the conversation. Her brain was playing back some of the things he’d said to her.

Did she really want to spend the rest of her life being uncomfortable with her own body? This wasn’t just about a spanking. She was being forced to make decisions. If she couldn’t even take off her underwear in a place where she felt perfectly safe, how was she going to ever be intimate with a man again? Was sex really unimportant to her? She’d been sexless since the moment she’d discovered she was pregnant and Trevor had left her with a note and nothing more. She’d given her body over to her baby’s welfare and shut down any thought of her own pleasure.