Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)(102)

My heart collapsed. That wasn’t something he needed to worry about or focus on. “Boone. I can’t imagine all of the things that are going through your head right now. Let’s strip as much emotion from this as we can.”

“What are you—?”

“Hear me out. You are a medical professional. You’ve taken the biology and psychology classes. Don’t statistics overwhelmingly show that victims of sexual abuse usually become abusers themselves? I don’t think you need to worry that you’ve got a gene that’ll give you a higher chance than the rest of the population of becoming a pedophile.”

“My dad worried about that.”

I counted to ten. “Your dad was abused, so he had a reason to worry. He stopped the cycle.”

“That’s one thing he said to me. That I should be grateful I’m not dealing with what he is. He said my life, my childhood could’ve been so much worse.”

“Stop.” I kissed him. “Let’s take a break from talking about this for a while. Try and stop thinking about it.”

“I can’t. Jesus. This is life-altering stuff. I wish I could just shut it down. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it. I don’t know how to say this… What I found out tonight, you won’t talk about that with anyone else, will you?”

“Anyone else meaning…my dad? My sister? My McKay cousins? Or maybe I’d call up Aunt Carolyn or Aunt Kimi and go off on them about their brother being a sick man, an incestuous pedophile?” Infuriated, I wiggled free of his hold and climbed off the bed. “I cannot believe you even asked me that, Boone. Jesus Christ.”

“This is new to me. I’ve never had anyone in my life I share everything with. So why are you acting offended? Like it’s a given that you don’t share what I tell you with anyone else, when I know damn well you’ve told Lu some of the things that have happened between us? Like us f*cking in the foyer and the pool—I got an attaboy from Raj which did not make me happy. I have no idea how much detail you went into. You never asked if I minded that you discussed our sex life with your roommate!”

He shouted that last part and I cringed.

“So how am I supposed to know where you draw the line in telling secrets if I don’t ask? I oughta assume you won’t mention it even in passing to Kyler? ‘Hey, Ky, no we couldn’t make the party because we were in Flagstaff after Boone had a meeting with his father. That is one f*cked-up situation with the West family—and I thought what Boone dealt with growing up was bad, but it’s nothing compared to what his dad went through with his father. Some sick shit there. Not that I can tell you anything about it.’” He paused to slow his labored breathing. “Am I wrong?”

God. He pissed me off.

Mostly because he was right.

We’d talked about financial responsibilities.

We’d talked about household responsibilities—but it’d taken us a big goddamned fight to deal with that.

I didn’t ever want to make a misstep and hurt him by my assumptions.

Maybe I already had.

I assumed because Lu and I joked around about sex that Boone and Raj did too. Had it been wrong to tell Lu that I’d finally christened the pool—with Boone—because it’d been a topic of conversation between her and me since I’d bought the house? Had it been wrong to tell Lu that Boone was awesome in bed? Even when I hadn’t gone into details about our first time except to tell her where it’d happened and that it had been worth the seven-year wait?

We hadn’t set parameters for what was private between us as lovers, between us as a couple, and as each other’s confidantes.

I’d never had anyone in my life that I’d bared all to either.

I looked up and found my beautiful Brooding Boone staring at me, practically daring me to argue.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. We should add this to those Relationship Rules as something that needs discussion and defined parameters. But to put our mind at ease, I promise what you’ve told me tonight won’t ever leave this room. I promise everything you told me about your childhood will always only stay between us. I’m sorry you even had to question me about it, but you had every right to.”

He blinked at me.

“So are we good?”

“Come here.”

I took his hand and he tucked me against his body—after bestowing tender kisses that filled me with warmth, not heat.

I yawned, but Boone’s entire body remained rife with tension. “Would a massage help you fall asleep?”

“No. But thanks for the offer.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t know if I tell you often enough how much I love all the thoughtful things you do for me. I never understood the appeal of having someone take care of me. I love that you just…know what I need.” He sighed. “I suck at doing that for you right now, but I promise I’m gonna learn how to give that back to you.”

We were quiet for a bit. Then I said, “Do you work tomorrow?”

“No. I’m off until noon on Monday for the ever-popular noon to midnight shift. Why?”

I propped myself on his chest. “Have you ever been to Sedona?”

“Just what I drove through to get here.”

“Let’s spend tomorrow playing tourist. It’s a gorgeous county and the weather is perfect this time of year. We haven’t done anything like that yet. The two of us on a day trip with no agenda.”