Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)(101)

He’d stop and start, the shock still evident as he tried to process it.

My questions were slow in coming, mostly because I didn’t know what to ask. Although Boone’s grandparents lived in Wyoming, he’d never been close to them, which surprised me, given how I’d seen the other members of the West family act around their grandkids. Also given that Boone was their only grandchild. He wouldn’t appreciate me saying he’d dodged a bullet with their apathy toward him. And I wanted to kick myself for thinking that when the conversation took a darker turn.

“I guess my dad’s one edict to my mom was not to let me spend time with them.”

“He considered that his way of protecting you?”

“Oh, he admitted his neglect of me was intentional. Because he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t have those same tendencies as his father, so he left me with a drug-addicted and abusive mother…you know…to keep me safe.”

The sarcasm was as harsh as a slap in the face. Boone was never sarcastic.

I raised my head from his chest and looked at him. “Boone. Are you serious? He said that?”

“What’s worse? He justified it. Even now he acts like he made some big f*cking sacrifice by purposely being a shitty father and staying away from me.”

“What did you say?”

“What could I say? I lost my temper.”

“I don’t blame you. Did you get up and storm off?”

“No. I meant to say I didn’t temper my responses. He took it in stride, but what other choice did he have?”

“Did…things end on decent terms?”

“We didn’t hug it out, if you can believe that.”

Even that flip answer hurt my heart.

“So yeah, it sort of ended on decent terms. With all the stuff he told me, I said I needed time to take it in. That wasn’t a total lie.” Boone traced my jawline. “You’re clenching your teeth, gorgeous.”

“Of course I am.”

“Tell me what’s going through your head.”

“Filtered or unfiltered version?”

“Unfiltered.” He leaned down and kissed me softly. “Always.”

I glanced down at his chest and started toying with his chest hair. “Just because his childhood had been stolen from him didn’t give him the right to steal yours. That’s what he did. He can lie to himself and claim it was to save you, but it was to save himself the embarrassment of having to tell anyone what his father had done to him.”

“I said the same thing. But it seemed really harsh to say.”

“He didn’t act like telling you his traumas should change how you view the past—your past? You know, all those years that you spent a lonely, neglected little boy? With no one hugging you or feeding you or giving a damn about you?” My voice broke and I tried to hide it because Boone didn’t need to deal with my emotions—I was here for him.

“Hey.” He tipped my head back. “I know this is ugly stuff.”

“I can handle it. What I can’t handle is you thinking you have to deal with any of this ugly stuff alone anymore.”

“I sorta gathered that when you showed up at midnight.” He traced the indent of my chin. “Thank you.”

Then Boone idly stroked my arm so I knew something else was on his mind. I waited.

After a while he said, “Do you think love forgives everything?”

“For example?”

“I love you, Sierra. The longer we’re together, the more I’m gonna love you.”

“I hope so.”

“Should my love for you forgive you for everything?”

“Are you asking me if there’s an unforgiveable action that would allow you to—maybe make you—fall out of love with me?”

He stopped touching me for just a moment. “Yeah.”

“I’m not being flip or saying this to make a bigger point, but if you found out that I sexually abused kids—ours or others—that’s unforgiveable. I wouldn’t deserve your love or anyone else’s.”

“But even if you stopped the behavior and sought help? Even if you had regrets and remorse? I shouldn’t love you? I shouldn’t believe you could change? I shouldn’t stand by you and support you?”

I rolled slightly to look into his face. “What are you getting at?”

Boone paused again. “I was thinking about my grandmother. Say she didn’t know about the sexual abuse. Say she found out and confronted her husband. Say he agrees to get help and stops the abuse. So at the darkest part of his life, she’s supposed to walk away? When he needs her love and support the most?”

“Yes. He willfully harmed their child—physically and emotionally. He doesn’t deserve love and support; he deserves to go to f*cking jail. And from what your father told you, after the abuse ended, neither one of them gave him love and understanding. Your grandfather didn’t show remorse. He’s never apologized to his son for all the heinous things he did to him. Your grandparents just went on with their lives and left their son to deal with it on his own.”

“Would you…could you forgive me? If we had a kid I abused? If I did all the right things afterward? Got help, asked for forgiveness, tried to mend my life and fix whatever sick compulsion that might be f*cking genetic? Could you love me?”