Unbeloved (Undeniable #4)(30)

That would end today.

Today, I wouldn’t spend another minute hating myself for the sins of my past, but instead would draw strength from them.

Today, a lot of things would end.

“Go,” I repeated, my tone softer, more controlled. “Trust me when I tell you that I’m fine.”

She said nothing, but didn’t fight him when Cage tugged her forward. I waited until the door was firmly closed behind them before turning back to Jase.

He stood before me looking as broken on the outside as he was on the inside. Both sides of his face were red and mottled with quickly forming bruises, his bottom lip was split in two places, and two thin trails of blood dripped down his chin.

I stepped forward, staring up at him, into those deep blue eyes I’d once thought I’d never see enough of, had never wanted to look away from.

“Do you remember the day we met?” I whispered, my voice hoarse from screaming.

More tears fell from his eyes as he nodded. “Local store,” he said, his voice cracking. “On the county line.”

“Tegen had the flu,” I said, looking past him at the wall behind him. “My sister was watching her and I was picking up medicine—”

“You had puke on your shirt,” Jase whispered.

“You were wearing your fatigues,” I said. “You were the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.”

I closed my eyes, picturing him as a young man dressed in military fatigues, holding a large green duffel bag as he stepped inside the small shop.

“You said, ‘Name’s Brady,’” I whispered. “Jason Brady.”

Despite my closed eyes, I could hear Jase’s approach, could feel the heat from his body as he stopped directly in front of me. And when his arms wrapped around me, against my better judgment, I sank into his embrace.

I smiled against his chest. “I remember you asking me, ‘You got a nickname, little Dorothy Matthews? ’Cause that’s a f*ckin’ mouthful, right there. Not that I mind a mouthful of pretty girl.’”

Beneath my cheek, Jase’s chest heaved as he snorted. “I was an *.”

I nodded. “The worst kind of *,” I whispered. “The kind who thinks he’s a good guy.”

Through my shirt, I could feel Jase’s fingertips dig gently into my back, could feel the tension in his arms as he fought to restrain himself from touching me further, more intimately. Good God, I knew this man like the back of my hand. Even after all these years apart, I knew every inch of him, every nuance, every quirk. I knew everything.

That knowledge, how wasteful we’d been, devastated me.

“I’m sorry, Dorothy,” he whispered raggedly.

More tears fell from my eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

Jase’s hand dragged slowly up my back, up into my hair and softly gripping a fistful. I opened my eyes just as his other hand cupped the side of my face, tilting my chin. As he lowered his head, his lips descended upon mine.

I didn’t turn away; I didn’t flinch. I just waited until our lips were almost touching and then I reached up, standing on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck, and I kissed him.

It was a gentle kiss, nothing like the passion-filled ones we’d once shared. A stark difference from the chaotic lives we’d once lived.

It was a forgiving kiss, soft and sweet.

It was a good-bye kiss.

I pulled away from him, licking my lips and tasting his blood.

“You were my first love, Jason Brady,” I whispered, swallowing back the urge to sob.

His hands dropped to his sides, his expression crestfallen. “Don’t,” he rasped. “Don’t leave me again.”

God, my chest was going to collapse in on itself. Who would have thought after so many years apart that finally saying good-bye would hurt this badly? Especially when it would be so easy to say yes, to kiss him again and seal my fate. There was nothing standing in our way anymore, nothing holding either of us back.

Except there was. There was someone very much in our way. And I couldn’t ignore him anymore.

I took a deep breath, and that breath entered my lungs like a thousand shards of glass exploding. “I left you a long time ago,” I whispered, reaching up to place a hand over my breaking heart. “I just didn’t realize it.”

Jase’s features twisted with raw pain. “You love him.” Those three words were barely a whisper, just a rush of air, as if he couldn’t say them fast enough, as if speaking them aloud physically hurt him.

My mouth opened and my lips trembled violently. I’d only said it once before, and only to Tegen in an attempt to explain something to her. No one else had ever known, not even the man himself.

“I love him,” I cried out softly, realizing just how true the words were.

It was true that I’d loved Hawk for a long time, but what I hadn’t realized was the extent of that love, or how deeply ingrained it was within me. Not until this very moment.

I hadn’t rushed home, desperate to find out Hawk’s fate for the sake of his son. Knowing this might be my last chance, I rushed home, desperate to right things with the man I loved, had loved all along.

That realization, that truth, was the single most freeing experience of my entire life. And by far, one of the most painful.

? ? ?

Jase was glad for the pain radiating from his cheeks and lip; he was so f*cking glad for it. Because if his damn face weren’t throbbing, he’d be forced to focus on the pain in his chest, that empty, aching, broken feeling that never seemed to leave him, but had suddenly just amplified in the wake of what had just transpired.