Unbeloved (Undeniable #4)(29)
My shock bled quickly into anger. “I don’t owe you a damn thing,” I said, seething.
Nostrils flaring, he took a deliberate step toward me. Despite wanting to flee the room, to run from him, I held my ground.
“But you owe him something?” he gritted out. “Why? Why would you come back for him? Why is he any different from me?”
“What is wrong with you?” I cried. “You’re so selfish, Jason! With everything that’s going on right now, you’re still only thinking about you, you, YOU!”
I spun away from him and reached for the door. My fingertips had just barely brushed the knob when I was crushed from behind, Jase’s body pressing up against me, forcing me to flatten uncomfortably against the door. Lowering his head, he buried his face deeply into my hair.
“Do you love him?” His words were spoken softly, his breath warm and familiar against the back of my neck. As he inhaled deeply, purposely breathing me in, I shivered against the sudden onslaught of feelings that were dangerously close to erupting.
“Go to hell,” I whispered.
“I’m already there,” he shot back.
“You have no idea what hell is,” I said, my voice trembling. “You have no idea what it feels like to know that your own selfishness is the reason your son could have died! Or how it feels to be unable to recognize your own daughter’s face, not knowing how to comfort her as she tries desperately to make you to remember her and fails every time. You have no f*cking idea what hell is!”
I found myself being spun around. Jase’s hands came down heavy upon my shoulders, weighing me down as he forced me back up against the door.
“I’ve got nothin’ left,” he gritted out angrily, tears filling his eyes. “My girls won’t speak to me, you won’t speak to me, and my brothers think I’m a worthless piece of shit.”
“You’re projecting!” I cried, batting at his arms, trying to free myself. “You think you’re a worthless piece of shit, not them!”
“I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!” he bellowed, using his grip on my shoulders to shake me. My diminutive size in comparison to his was no match for his strength, and my head smashed repeatedly into the door, causing me to cry out in pain.
Then he was gone, backing away from me, his eyes wide with shock, holding his hands up in the air.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, blinking rapidly, shaking his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
Fists clenched, teeth gritted, my chest heaving, I glared up at him. I was so angry with him, but it was more than that, it was so much more. I still hadn’t forgiven him, that was painfully apparent now. The longer I stared, the angrier I grew, and the angrier I grew, all I could seem to focus on was everything I’d ever done wrong—and almost everything I’d done wrong could be attributed to this man standing before me. We weren’t good for each other, we never had been, but we’d both been blinded by different things, and it had taken far too long to realize it.
He still hadn’t realized it.
But I had.
And once I had, it was as if a dam broke and I could feel myself splitting apart from the inside out. Everything I hadn’t realized I’d been keeping hidden within me for so very long now, it all just burst forth in a rush of mangled emotions and I couldn’t stop it. Nor could I stop what happened next.
I ran at him, sending first my right fist into his chest and then my left, and then I slapped him across the face, over and over again until my hands burned and his face was bright red. Tears streamed down both our faces but still I couldn’t stop. Jase didn’t move; he just took it and the more he took it, the more I wanted to hurt him—for hurting me, for hurting his wife, for hurting our children, for hurting himself, for hurting everyone and ruining everything.
“Look what you did!” I sobbed. “Look what you made me!”
“MOM!”
I hadn’t heard them come in, hadn’t even heard the door open. I was so consumed by emotion, so lost to my rage and my pain, that it wasn’t until I was dragged off Jase, and Tegen was standing between us shoving Jase backward, that I realized we were no longer alone.
“What did you do?” Tegen screamed, slamming her palms into Jase’s chest, sending him staggering backward. “What the f*ck did you do?”
“No!” I cried out, trying to wrestle free from my captor’s grip. “No, Tegen! It was me! Stop it, right now!”
Everything and everyone seemed to stop what they were doing, all eyes suddenly on me. The hands gripping my arms fell away and I turned, finding it had been Cage who’d dragged me across the room.
“Out!” I shouted, pointing to the door. “Both of you, get out!”
Looking confused and upset, Tegen shook her head. “Mom?”
“Ouuuuuuuut!” The gravelly scream exploded from the bottom of my lungs and rang loudly throughout the small room.
“Babe,” Cage said softly, stepping forward. He reached out, his large hand engulfing Tegen’s small and trembling one. “Let’s go.”
Reluctant to leave me, she looked between Jase and me, indecision creasing her face. She’d always taken care of me when I hadn’t the strength to do so. When I’d been too weak to stand up for myself, Tegen had been there, fighting my battles, defending my honor.