Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark #3)(168)

Then she laced her fingers in my hair, holding me still, peering deep into my eyes. “You chose death over some woman giving you oral sex?” She blinked. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Q—you almost died…all because—”

“I almost died to protect my integrity. That’s the only part of me I have left. Don’t you understand? I’ve killed my father. I’ve seen my sister be raped and murdered. I’ve watched and done nothing as my mother drank herself into the grave. I’ve built my life on nothing. I’ve run from a past I want nothing to do with. I have no control over that. None.

“But I do have my honour. It’s the only thing I can control.” I gritted my teeth. “I survived with the darkness in my blood by one means only. I thought you’d figured that out by now, esclave.”

Her blue-grey eyes glossed with sadness, radiating kindness. “No, Q. I haven’t figured you out at all, but this is helping.”

I rushed ahead, hoping to make her understand. “Honour is my driving force. The only thing I can rely on when the monster gets too strong or the beast takes control. Honour is the only law I obey.

“I broke my unbreakable law when that woman sucked me. It ruined everything I stood for because I broke your trust in me.”

Tess’s lips clamped together. I captured her tears with a fingertip. “Don’t you see, mon amour? I would rather die than have that honour taken away from me. It’s my only guideline on right and wrong. And I love you too much to besmirch it. Please, I need you to understand and forgive me.”

Tess cried softly, her cheeks flushing with emotion. “Forgive you? Q—there’s nothing to forgive.”

I trembled. My back hurt, my body screamed with pain, but I couldn’t move. Not until I believed her. Not until I’d been granted absolution from this angel who was my wife. “Please…just say you understand.”

Her hands captured my cheeks, kissing me hard. “If you need to hear it, then yes I forgive you.” Her lips landed on my jaw, my cheekbones, my eyelids. “I would’ve forgiven you for anything because he made you do it. Q—you have nothing to feel guilty about because it was outside of your control.”

She stopped kissing me, temper blazing bright. “What I can’t forgive, is you willingly sacrificing your life because you let your morals sign your death sentence. We were almost too late, Q. Do you think I would’ve cared if I found you in bed with another woman—against your will—compared to hanging dead in a dungeon? Yes, it would’ve killed me to know you’d been with another girl but at least you’d be alive.”

She sucked in a breath, gathering courage like a cape. “You’ve told me more today than you ever have, so I’ll share the same courtesy with you. When you helped break me of Leather Jacket’s hold, I went through things I never want to discuss. I don’t know how much you saw or heard, but I would’ve willingly slept with him. In fact, I begged him to. I’m not proud of it. I hate myself for it—but I would do it again if it was the only way to live. Because my life isn’t my own anymore.”

My stomach rolled at the residual panic in her voice. Even now, after everything I’d done, they still had power over her. But I would make it disappear. I had a lifetime to make the past vanish. For both of us.

Tess kissed me, tasting of salt from her tears. “Do you understand? Your life isn’t yours to gamble anymore, Q. It’s mine. I don’t care about your honour—if you’re in a life and death situation you do whatever you can to stay alive. I order you to do whatever’s necessary. Because your soul is mine and I refuse to let you go.”

I couldn’t speak. My heart galloped at the simplicity of the f*cked-up situation. “If you own my life, who owns yours?”

Tess smiled. “You, of course. No matter what happens, it’s always yours. I will never stop loving you, Q. It scares me how much I need you. But from now on, your honour comes second best to me—do you hear?”

I desperately wanted to kiss her and stop this spilling of fragile truths, but the confessions lightened my heart. “So you…forgive me?”

Tess nodded. “I forgive you.”

I slouched, crushed by pain, weak with relief. Running my fingers up her stockings, I voiced one more truth. “I want to be normal. I want to love you without needing to hurt you. I’m sorry for what I am.”

Tess grabbed my face, her fingernails digging into my cheeks. Her eyes glowed with anger. “Don’t. I don’t want you ever to say that again. You are normal. My normal. We’re each other’s normal. And there is no right or wrong. It’s time we accepted it. I love you. So much. Take me, Q. No more talking. Make me your wife completely.”

She lay back, looking down her body at me kneeling at the foot of the bed. Her swollen lips made me hard, her tear-stained cheeks made me grateful. The knowledge she’d forgiven me shed the guilt I’d carried, removing a layer of pain at the thought of losing her.

My lips twisted into a smile. “You’re my wife already, but I have no issues pounding the message home.”

She laughed, shattering the angst, replacing it with desire. Everything we’d discussed disappeared, leaving us empty and healing and ready to move forward. Who knew airing dirty laundry was a good idea? But it was. I’d never felt lighter—minus my beaten and bruised body.