Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark #3)(167)

Her fingers found my balls, rolling them, squeezing. They tightened, drawing close to my body, so hot, so f*cking ready to blow.

“Q…I want to drink you,” Tess said, wrenching my head back as she deep-throated me.

I groaned, losing my eyesight completely. “God, Tess. Your mouth is f*cking magic.” My body stiffened, bliss blasting down my legs. My stomach clenched, working through the pain, wobbling in her hold.

I want to come.

So come.

I can’t.

All enjoyment faded.

I crashed from my blowjob high to a crevice of lows. My mind filled with images of the slave sucking me. Her tentative lips—her juvenile touch compared to Tess’s mastery.

Shit.

Pushing Tess away, I swiped a hand over my face. I don’t want to tell her.

Did I have the strength to tell her what Lynx did? That another woman had been forced to lick the same cock forever belonging to Tess?

Secrets will ruin you.

Tess had accepted me despite knowing nothing of my past. She loved me in spite of knowing my present. She promised to never leave, regardless of what happened in the future, and I couldn’t dishonour her by not being honest.

“Is everything okay?” Tess’s lips were swollen, waiting for me to slide back inside and forget—forget about everything.

But I couldn’t.

Falling to my knees, I took her hands. I didn’t know where to start. She had to understand my reasoning before I blurted out the horror. Taking a deep breath, trying to find my runaway courage, I said, “I was so f*cking frightened when I couldn’t find you, Tess. When you were taken, I lost a part of myself. I willingly gave that part up to hunt for you—mainly because in some dark recess—I thought I’d never see you again.

“You own me completely, so when you were missing, I had nothing.”

Her fingers twitched, linking around mine with encouragement.

“I did things, esclave. I butchered men and feel no regrets. I tortured traffickers and feel no remorse. I do things society wouldn’t approve but I don’t care because I do. It fits within my law—do you see?”

Tess shook her head softly. “Your law? Q…what are you talking about?”

It was surreal holding her dressed only in a collar, pantyhose, and knickers. I kneeled before her naked, spilling my heart. Way to pick a f*cking time. But I couldn’t go any further until I’d purged myself. She needed to know how f*cking sorry I was.

“Q, you’re scaring me. Why are you telling me this?”

Swallowing hard, I replied, “Because it’s time you know the truth about me.” I’m doing this. I’m truly going to spill everything in one messed up conversation. “I don’t talk about my family because my father was a heinous f*cking bastard who raped and murdered women. I hated what he did. And I shot him. I brought a gun and premeditated murder all because I couldn’t listen to the screams anymore. But the moment I pressed the trigger, his tendencies shot into me. His evilness found a new host—in a boy who was his father’s true heir.”

I wanted to cut out my tongue. I never wanted to tell her. I always believed my past would remain hidden, yet I’d just spewed it on our wedding night.

Tess captured my chin, stroking my bristles. “There’s nothing evil about you, Q. You aren’t—”

“Let me finish.” Her acceptance granted false hope. I was nowhere near done.

I had to rip off the bandages—exposing myself sharp and quick. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t finish and the secret would fester for the rest of my life.

I needed Tess to forgive me. Please, forgive me.

“You guessed right at dinner. I had a sister. Her name was Marquisa. She died at my father’s hand, and I was too young to kill him. I lived with the man who raped and killed my sister because I was weak.” I glossed over the grotesqueness, not willing to flay that particular memory.

Tess sucked in a gasp, her naked breasts rising with horror. “Q—no. That’s awful.”

“I wasn’t going to tell you—I didn’t want you to know, but I have to tell you something else—and I hope to God you don’t f*cking hate me.” My eyes latched onto hers, filling with fear. “Don’t despise me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you do.”

Tess stiffened. Her lips popped wider, alarm flushing her skin. But she didn’t untangle her fingers from mine. I took strength from that. “Why would I despise you, Q? I’ve accepted everything about you. Nothing you say can change that.” She was so beautiful, so pure.

I hung my head. God, I hoped so. “I haven’t been faithful to you, esclave.”

Her face turned white; her fingers turned to icicles. “Excuse me?”

Fuck. “Lynx made a slave girl suck me. I didn't want it. I fought it and chose to die rather than be unfaithful, but I had to tell you. I can’t live with the knowledge I let it happen. It wasn’t for long and I never broke my honour to you in my heart. But I had to apologise, so it never comes between us.”

Tess didn’t move.

My heart charged like a monstrous thing, wheezing for forgiveness.

When she didn’t say anything, I squeezed her fingers. “Please. Say something.”

Slowly, she tugged her hand from mine. My stomach hollowed out.