Twinsequences Ivy (Twisted Twin #2)(9)
Mikael came fast, tightening up and collapsing against my bare chest. I remained still, coming to grips with satisfaction, not from the act, but from what I’d accomplished.
When it was over he went through the motions of feeling guilty, telling me it would never happen again, and that I’d tainted his good reputation. Then the next week came around and it happened again. Eventually he started taking me to his special place, and talking about his developing feelings. We became friends. He spoke to me about his marriage, while I sometimes gave him enough of a confession to keep him feeling as if he was making a breakthrough.
Now, years later, he was right where I needed him to be. He might need to be reminded at times, but he would get me out of this hellhole. Like it or not, he was my only hope.
Chapter 4
After turning Mikael away at my earlier session, I sat in my little room devising a backup plan, in case he couldn’t follow through. I thought about a lot more than my future. While unable to sleep, I let my mind wander back to when this started for me. Why couldn’t I get past it and move forward with new goals? Why couldn’t I let go of the man who I never intended to love in the first place? Stoshua Wheeler haunted my dreams. He was who I thought about when I first woke in the morning, and who I couldn’t get off my mind throughout the day. He’d become my world, and for a little while I assumed we’d be happy. I was smart enough to be fully aware of how I didn’t deserve him, but that had never stopped me before. If I’d learned anything from my parents it was if I wanted something I had to work hard for it. I’d made mistakes, and in a lot of people’s opinions Karma had come back to bite me in the ass in the end. I believe otherwise. Nonetheless, I’d never been one to worry about how other people felt. My life was my own to live. My choices were mine to make. Somewhere out there was a little girl who I should have been raising – a child who was supposed to be mine.
When I first came up with my plan to take Stoshua away from my sister, I didn’t have regrets. Not one part of me thought about the repercussions. I knew I wanted what was hers, basically to spite her. When I fell in love with Stoshua everything became foggy. I let my feelings get in the way. I started to trust him, even after I discovered he’d had an affair. In fact, it only made me want to keep him more.
I don’t know why I assumed I’d be okay with Stoshua and Willow sleeping together. I kept focused on the goal – getting her pregnant so I could take the child and raise it as my own with Stoshua. The baby would share my DNA. Since I couldn’t have children, he or she would be the closest I’d ever get. For the longest time it was all I wanted. It consumed me; to the point where I felt as if I couldn’t make it happen I’d lose him forever. I wasn’t worried, or very concerned about how to get rid of Willow. I didn’t even care if I was the person to put her out of her misery. I never thought I’d lose everything, because they’d devise their own plan to work against me.
She needed to go, because as long as she was living and breathing, Stoshua would never be able to stop loving her.
Every night, while locked inside of my room, I considered my options. My first goal was to get out of the institution. It was a good thing I’d hidden an emergency stash of cash and clothes before I was locked up. It wasn’t much, but enough to give me means to get around. The difficult part would be to collect the items, since they were strategically placed in the crawlspace of my parent’s home.
That wasn’t the only means of cash either. Sitting in an account in my name was money from Rafe’s life insurance. The measly forty grand would have to be spent wisely. It was going to give me a new start somewhere tropical. I’d have to purchase my daughter new things such as toys and clothes. I’d be required to put money down wherever we found a place to rent. It would take me a while to find a job, and someone I could trust to watch my little girl.
Since my family had no clue about the funds, I’d easily be able to withdraw them without having them tracking me down. When I was first put away I sent my sister letters. Part of my rehabilitation was to apologize for the things I’d done to her. I wasn’t sorry, not for a second. With Willow out of the picture I could of had everything I ever wanted. She’d forced me into making such drastic decisions. Inside my mind I knew everything made logical sense. There was never supposed to be two of us. Against my better judgment, I wrote her letters telling her how sorry I was. Sometimes I’d gag while writing words I’d never want to say to her. It made me ill thinking of her reading them and feeling sorry for me. Never in a million years would I ever care about Willow, not after she took my life and made it her own. I didn’t care how I’d done it to her first. She needed to go bye-bye and it would happen with my hands around her neck as I watched her eyes roll in the back of her head and her last breath escape her lips. If they thought I was evil before, they couldn’t begin to know what I’d be capable of given the chance.
While waiting for Mikael to get over his latest bout of guilt, I focused on being an ideal patient. I’d help others in the common areas, and say lovely things to the staff. For the past three years I’d perfected this; going above and beyond to be noticed for my positive attitude and kind demeanor. Not one person in this god-awful place would ever suspect what I’m capable of. They’d never see the real me – the one I’d hidden inside, just waiting for the opportunity to finish what I’d started.