Tremble (Denazen #3)(58)

“They’re fake. If you remembered what they did to you, you would have killed them all. That’s probably why you’re having such a hard time dealing with the way you feel. The anger is still there but you don’t know where to aim it.”

“Maybe it’s better that I don’t remember, then.”

I’d never thought about that. In all this mess, Kale not remembering his life at Denazen was sort of a blessing. I knew he’d still had nightmares. To be free from that was something I wanted for him. But if Ben Simmons was right and this would all fade, then those memories would return.

And deep down, I knew they should.

“I was at a party one night with some friends. We were tipsy and playing some oddball drinking game—Twenty-seven Questions, it’s called. You’re asked a question and you either answer or drink. One of the questions my friend asked me was if I could change one thing in my life—anything—what would it be. I gave it some thought, and when I saw her at school the next day I told her there was nothing I would change.”

“Why?”

“Seems stupid, right? I mean, hell, we live in a world where there could very well be a Six that could turn back time or something. It wasn’t as crazy a question as my friend thought. I fell asleep that night thinking about it. I had a horrible relationship with my dad. I thought my mom was dead. Alex and I had just broken up… There were a million things I could have—should have—wanted to change.”

“I don’t understand why you gave the question this much thought. It was for a game, right?”

I smiled. “See, that’s the kind of thing you’d say. You’re getting better already.” I took a deep breath. “There was a point to this, though, and that point is, no. You wouldn’t be better off not remembering. I won’t lie. The time you spent at Denazen was horrific.”

“You care for me, correct?”

I draped my arm across his waist, letting my index finger slip into the back loop of his jeans. “I do.”

“Then why would you want me to remember?”

“Because it made you who you are. It’s the same reason I gave my friend the answer I did the next day at school. I wouldn’t want to change anything because I was perfectly happy with the person I’d become. To change even the tiniest detail of my life would ruin the balance. I wouldn’t be me.”

“That is a very wise answer,” he said softly. “But I wonder if you would have the same response were you asked now. Is there still nothing you would change?”

“It’s funny. In those first few days after you left, it’s actually all I thought of. What would have happened if I hadn’t confessed that I was dying? If I’d just gone straight to Dad. You wouldn’t be sitting here looking at me like I was a stranger.”

“And you wouldn’t be sitting here,” he said sagely.

“Touché.”

“Tell me how we met.”

I couldn’t help the smile that slipped across my lips. “I was on my way home from a party, and you had run from Denazen agents. You fell at my feet, then took my sneakers.”

“I took your sneakers?”

“In your defense, you were barefoot and leaving a trail of dead dirt through the forest. It made you easy to track.”

“Trail of dead dirt? I don’t understand.”

“Your ability used to be…different. Before they gave you Domination you had no control.” I shifted so I could lean on my elbow and ran my other hand from his shoulder to his wrist. “The only way it worked was through skin-to-skin contact—and there wasn’t any way to shut it off. Until we met, you’d never touched another living person.”

He, in turn, reached out to trace the line of my jaw. “But we could touch?”

I was thankful for the dark because I felt an involuntary flush rise in my cheeks as I remembered those first moments in Curd’s basement, and then many more after that. “Yeah. We could. I was the first.”

For a moment he didn’t say anything. Then the warmth from his hand disappeared, leaving an icy chill as a growl cut the silence. “When we’re together, it always feels like there’s something being held just out of my reach.” He sat up, facing me. “My insides tell me I know you. The way you set me at ease by simply being close. But my mind can’t see you. I can’t remember anything about our life together.”

“That’s not true,” I said, sitting up as well. “Back at the airport you said something to me—you probably didn’t even realize it at the time. When I said I would mimic the three of us so we could walk right out the front door.”

“And I knew you couldn’t. Not without…” He let out a frustrated hiss. “Not without something. I can’t see it. I can’t remember.”

“I know how you feel. It’s frustrating and painful.”

He raised my hand and held it tight against his face. I bit back a sigh as his warmth coursed through me. “Even if Simmons is wrong and the memories never come back, it doesn’t matter. I’m already falling for you, Dez.” He pulled me back down to the bed and wrapped his arms around me. “Whatever it was I did to steal your heart when we met, I’ll do it again. I swear.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. He never lost it.