Tremble (Denazen #3)(57)
I swallowed. “Me?”
“Do you trust me?”
“I trust you.”
“Marshal brainwashed me.” He reached across and ran his index finger along the lines of my jaw. The touch brought a rush of heated memories that sent tremors through my body. But it wasn’t just the physical contact. It was the sound of his voice. Deep and rich like warm caramel coffee, each word a soothing sip that sent the endorphins in my brain jumping. He could have recited the alphabet and it would have affected me just the same. “I could’ve faked a recovery just to get inside.”
“I trust you,” I repeated.
Leaning close, lips brushing my right ear, he whispered, “Then can I kiss you again?”
Can I kiss you?
I remembered a dream I’d had not long before Kale went back to Denazen. Kale and me at the top of the crane. He’d asked me the same thing right before turning into Able. I closed my eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. This wasn’t me, this constantly bawling, blubbering mess of a girl. But the memory was like a shot to the heart, turning the air to sludge and making it impossible to breathe. “Please don’t ask me that.”
He pulled back a bit, genuinely surprised by my reaction. “I’m sorry. I—”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. It was short, and bittersweet, and when I pulled away and stood, he stared at me with eyes full of wonder. It reminded me so much of that day at Curd’s. When he touched me for the first time. “It’s not your fault. I had this dream once. It— Know what? It doesn’t matter.”
I was almost to the door when he called out. “Wait.”
My feet stopped moving, but I didn’t turn around. I was afraid if I looked at him again, well…I didn’t know what I’d do. Cry, kiss him again, scream…
“Why don’t you stay?” he said.
The invitation pulled at so many different, warring emotions. I wanted to stay. More than anything, I wanted to be by his side and never let him out of my sight again. “I’m beat. I’d only fall asleep.”
The mattress creaked and I relented, turning around. He was standing now, looking between the bed and me. “So sleep here. I promise I won’t try anything.” He stepped around so he was in front of me. For a moment he simply stood there. Eyes on mine and lips pressed in a thin line. When he did speak, his voice was different. So much more the Kale I knew. “The truth is, no matter how much it scares me to admit it, I feel better when you’re close. I don’t understand it, and I can’t begin to explain it, but I’m more relaxed.”
How could I argue with that when I felt exactly the same way? Silly considering the situation, but still the truth.
He placed his hand over his heart, frowning. “I’m angry. I can feel it inside, eating away at me like poison. I—I don’t know who or what I’m angry about, but it’s easier to forget when I’m with you.”
Maybe Aubrey was right. In messing with the bits inside Kale’s head, they kicked a hornet’s nest. “You told me once that I was your lifeline. That I calmed the storm in your head.”
“I think it’s true.” There was so much emotion in his eyes right then. Fear and sadness. Anger. And something else. Something familiar. Kale had a way of looking at me. It was like I was the only person on earth. “Please stay?” he prodded. “I’d like it if you would talk to me. Ben is right. When I hear your voice, my head feels…lighter.”
“Okay.” I kicked off my sneakers as Kale did the same, and crawled into bed, burrowing under the covers. Behind me, the mattress dipped as Kale climbed in.
“Is it okay if I hold you?”
“Sure,” I said, throat thick. A moment later, the light went out and all I could hear was the soft sounds of our breath as Kale wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled close. During the months he’d been gone, I’d lie in his bed and imagine him with me. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’d wake and swear I could feel him lying there beside me. Now that he was, a part of me was terrified that any minute I’d wake up and the whole thing would be nothing more than a dream.
“Tell me something. About me. Tell me your favorite thing.”
I thought about it for a moment, but it didn’t take long. “You have the most amazing soul.” Rolling, I turned onto my other side so I faced him. Even though it was dark, there was a small red glow from the alarm clock on the dresser behind him. It gave off just enough light for me to see the outline of his face. “This anger you feel? I think it’s because of everything that happened to you. You went through hell. Denazen took you not long after you were born. They treated you like an animal. They used you as a weapon. And you know what? You still turned out to be the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
I took a deep breath, struggling to keep my voice even. “You see yourself as a monster, Kale, but you’re not. You didn’t let what happened to you change who you were on the inside. You asked me once what it was about you that I loved. And I’ll say it again. It’s your soul, Kale. It’s unlike anyone else’s.”
“I don’t remember any of it,” he said softly after a few minutes went by. “The only memories I have of Denazen are hazy but don’t involve anything like that.”