Toxic: Logan's Story (Torn #4)(67)
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked.
“No thanks, I’m good.” I motioned toward the couch. “Why don’t we sit down and talk? I think we need to get this over with.”
She nodded and walked over to the couch. I followed behind her and sat down on the opposite side from her.
“Do you want me to start? Or do you want to?” she asked. “I’m sure you have a lot to say.”
“I do. When I saw you with Mikey, I lost it. It was like I was back in Chloe’s dorm room, listening to her tell me how she cheated on me repeatedly with Drake. Only this time, I saw it for myself. I couldn’t believe that I’d trusted another woman, only to be lied to and cheated on again. I was angry. No, I was furious, but I was also hurt, too. You didn’t seem like the type of person who would do something like that to me, but I saw it with my own eyes. So, I took off without giving you a chance to explain. I shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I wanted to do was get the hell away from you and hope that I never had to see you again.”
“I understand why you left the way you did. I probably would have done the same thing. You’ve had to deal with a lot of bullshit over the past few years, Logan. I just want you to know that nothing happened with Mikey. I feel absolutely nothing, except revulsion, for him. What you saw was him trying to convince me to bring him here, so I could introduce him to our label. He thought I was his ticket to making it big, and when I turned him down, he got pissed and kissed me. I was trying to get him off of me when you walked in.”
I looked at her, trying to judge whether or not she was being completely honest with me. She didn’t look away, and her expression was open and humbled. I believed her, and that made me want to kick myself for running in the first place. If I’d just stayed and listened, things would be completely different with us right now.
“I’m sorry for leaving you and for not answering your calls. I really f*cked up, Jade.”
“It’s okay. Like I said, I understand why you did what you did.”
“So, where does that leave us?” I asked. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what would happen from here.
“That’s entirely up to you. I was hurt that you’d assumed the worst of me, but I’m not mad. I still care about you, Logan. Nothing will change that.”
“This summer was incredible. For once, I wasn’t wallowing in pity or wondering what could have been if Chloe had never met Drake. I was living again. But we both know that a couple of months aren’t enough to solidify a relationship, not really. If it were, I wouldn’t have run the way I did. I’m not like the guys you usually hang out with, Jade. I’m not the bad boy or the rocker. I’m not wild or crazy. I’m the normal guy who’s insecure. I’m just…average. You have to know that.”
She frowned. “I don’t expect you to be like my friends. I’ve been around my bandmates for a long time, and I’ve never felt anything more than friendship for any of them, even Eric, who’s been there for me through a lot of tough situations. I like the fact that you’re sensitive and sweet and normal. If you were arrogant and cocky, I wouldn’t want to be around you at all. What I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you, if you still think we have a chance. Besides what happened with Mikey, I think we were both really happy being together this summer.”
I nodded. “I was happy with you. You’re a great person, Jade. The thing is, we never really talked about what would happen once you went back to L.A. and I went back to West Virginia. I’m not sure if it’s because neither of us expected anything after the summer or what.”
“I wanted to talk to you about it, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had. You have a life in West Virginia, and I have a life here. I would never ask you to give up everything, and I know you wouldn’t ask that of me either.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
I reached up and cupped her face, preparing myself for what I was about to say. It could break us. I knew that, but it didn’t change my decision.
“I’ve spent the last three years of my life loving someone I couldn’t have. I haven’t really lived a life of my own. Instead, I let my feelings control me. I think what I need right now is to live my life. I have a year left of college. That’s it. I need to go out, enjoy myself, and stop letting relationships control me. You’re really good for me, Jade, but you’re also really bad for me. When I went back to West Virginia, I wasn’t living. Instead, I was right back where I’d started when I found out what Chloe had done to me. I need to figure out how to be happy on my own. Once I figure out how to do that, I’ll be ready to try to have a relationship. I’m not asking you to wait around for me until I figure things out. I would never expect you to do that. I just…I can’t be with you right now. If we start this up again before I’m ready, we’ll end up right back where we are right now. That isn’t fair to either of us.”
She gave me a weak grin. “Logan, you’re the first guy I’ve cared about in years. Do you really think I’m going to just forget you and find someone else? I’ll wait for you. It doesn’t matter how long I have to wait. When you’re ready, find me, and we’ll make this work. I faced my demons this summer, and now it’s time for you to face yours.”